Future diaper changers should be aware of the fact that not only peeing has range. The effective range of poop can in most babies exceed one meter/metre.
/Andreas - got warned by his sixth sense and managed to dodge.
Meconium is the Cosmolene the Human Digestive System comes packed in. And it’s just as hard to clean up.
Allow me to mention that I have been changing diapers for quite some time.
June 1990-June 1996 : Diapers
October 1997-Present : Diapers
As you can see, I’ve had little break this last decade. I’ve had two in diapers at the same time for the total of a year. Let me add to this rule:
Speaking as someone who has had pee up their nose, sometimes holding your mouth shut isn’t enough. Pass the diaper changing duty over to your spouse as much as humanly possible, and keep your face covered whenever you do have to change a diaper. Also, people who are still laughing at the pee up your nose probably will be too busy to grab a cloth for you to clean up with. Bring your own before you start.
Oh, don’t’ I know this well. My son is just about to turn 2 years old. He set a precedent on what to expect within 24 hours of being born. Our son was born in the afternoon, the next morning, the family pediatrician came to the hospital for his very first check up. As soon as the Doctor removed his diaper, Allen shot him straight in the face. The whole room erupted in laughter, us, the Grand parents, the nurses, everyone but the Doc. We were warned and you have to be quick. He still can get you if you don’t watch out.
I’ve got a daughter on the way. I now have until July to get this thread out of my head!
It’s not going to happen. I’m going to have nightmares tonight, I know it.
I’m thinking we should call this “The Straight Poop” from now on.
Man, the two happiest days of my life were when I changed the last diaper (R2 is now 10) and when I threw away that blasted car seat. Although I got fairly proficient at changing diapers, it isn’t a skill that the world really values…
I don’t think I’ll ever forget the diaper smell the day R1 was helping in the back yard and decided to try eating dirt. Holy cow, what a stench!
I pissed in my dad’s brownies once.
Little Qixette likes a combination of streaking and painting the walls, so to speak. She accomplished this quite skillfully one morning by removing all the clothing she was wearing, removing her diaper, and depositing her initial painting material on the floor. She then proceeded to decorate the walls, window, and doorknob with the stuff. All in less then 10 minutes. And not a speck of anything on the diaper.
Pooping on the cat…love it! I was rolling! I had to hit the mute button on my phone so I could snort coffee out my nose for a few minutes. Just don’t try it with bigger cats. 
“Copping a squat on the cat”? Copping a squat. Squat-copping. God, the possibilities are endless, aren’t they? Oh, and once I stopped the great guffaws of laughter, I noticed my two felines had departed the room most hastily. Most curious.
I have seen funny message threads on various Web sites and BBS’ over the years, but nothing that has made me laugh out loud so hard as this one. Thanks to you all.
My daughter is now almost 8 and I have no funny stories about her and diapers. I don’t know if that make me lucky or deprived.
is this the kind of thing I am missing by not visiting the Pit?!?!?! Are there more like this?!?!
When GrizzSon was born, he weighed in at only 4lbs5oz, so needed some hospital time before coming home.
About a week into his stay, GrizzWife got to change her first diaper… ever!
Mom has his ankles lifted, quite deftly with one hand mind you, and finishes wiping his tiny hiney.
When, all of a sudden, I hear what sounds like a high-pitched whoopee-cushion being released.
Luckily, the boy’s tuckas was pointed to the east.
The fairly-liquid poop went all over the end of the crib, the sheets, a bedside table, a telephone and some very expensive-looking hospital equipment.
The stuff must’ve flown at least eight feet with a pretty wide dispersal pattern.
GrizzWife is a pretty reserved person, and quite embarrassed about this, because the nurse is also in the room to witness it.
I couldn’t stop laughing.
Literally.
Tears rolled down my face.
My sides and jaw ached.
You have NO IDEA how funny this was.
Especially to hear my wife (jokingly) say.
“There’s no need for a DNA test… he’s definitely YOUR son!”
And I’m damn proud of him, too!
Just because you don’t have kid doesn’t mean you’re immune to poop attacks. Mrs. Chupacabra and I decided to take the nephews and their mother to the city pool one day, and as the older nephew and I went to the men’s locker room to change, the 2 1/2 year old (almost potty trained) insisted he go with us and not with his mother and his aunt to the women’s side. His mother asked me if I could handle it and I confidently answered, “no problem”.I figured all I had to do was take off his shorts and put on a pull-up bathing suit. That was until we got into the locker room and he promptly informed me that he had to go. I took him into a stall, but all the bathrooms were handicapped accessible and he freaked out at the idea of going on the super-tall toilet. So in my wisdom, I figured, I’d go ahead and put on the pull up bathing suit and then let his mother take him to the bathroom. He had different ideas. I guess he interpreted my pulling off his pants as the “all clear” and he let rip in the middle of the locker room. This wouldn’t have been so bad except for the fact that in my naivete I had positioned myself directly behind him. To further compound the issue, there were three eight year old boys in the locker room, who upon seeing the disaster, immediately started gagging and ran out of the locker room yelling , “eeewwww he pooped on the floor”. Shortly after this the older nephew left the locker room and I heard him outside telling his mother about the poop incident. Mrs. Chupacabra and her sister-in-law didn’t stop laughing for days.
I’m dying. I’ve got an 8 month old daughter. Luckily mom is Chinese and Jacqueline was born here in China. At least in Shanghai, they keep everyone in the hospital for 5 days and the nurses will come in and change the baby for you. That said, the meconium that Jacqueline passed was of epic proportions. Thank god, I just rang the buzzer and didn’t have to change that one.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been peed on. A rubber changing pad is a pretty cool invention.
By the way, is it just me or does it seem like every baby out there has a Moon Unit kinda name these days? Or else some sort of spelling that you might find from second graders? Ethnic spellings are cool in my book but Eydie for Edith and Myke for Mike (or Michael) seem pretty messed up and will probably age about as well as the flick Billy Jack.
I, too, have learned the lesson of baby-boy-meets-air. I was also twelve at the time, babysitting. I probably deserved it, though, since for months I consistently put the poor kid’s diaper on backwards. The little pictures on the waistband in the front obviously weren’t quite enough of a hint for me.
As the father of an eight-week-old boy, I feel I have to weigh in on this topic…
I have made several observations in my (admittedly short) experience in diaper-changing:
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No matter how big you think a poop is, a bigger one is in store for you.
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It is very difficult to put a fresh diaper on a child whose legs are moving wildly because he has recently figured out that they are attached to his body, and is now trying to figure out what they’re good for.
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If you thought you would never find farts funny again after you turned 10, you were wrong. The humor value of a fart passed by someone is directly proportional to the amount of surprise that registers on his face when he passes it. Adults don’t tend to be surprised by their own farts; babies nearly always do.
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While it is all well and good to know intellectually that the fact that your baby hates having a dirty diaper, to the point of waking up from a sound sleep, means that he will probably potty-train early, it doesn’t make having to change his diaper fifteen times a day any easier. It also doesn’t make buying the diapers to accommodate that any cheaper…even knowing that early potty-training should make the cost even out in the end…so to speak.
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It is actually worth the annoyance of having to wipe off a baby and change his outfit because he has managed to pee on himself while being changed…yet again…just because the expression of a baby who has just peed on his own face is absolutely priceless. Those of you without sons will alas never experience this.
-astraeus