So I Was Not Having Any Form of Sex Whatsoever...

for those of you who have not seei it:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=57124

why is this in the PIT? Cause we are not happy about it!!!
Coldfire: Junglefuck-a-Go-go?? you’re evil and i like that in a person!

Ahem. That was the other Sofa King referenced in the above-cited thread. That guy’s a lunatic.

It’s a month later, and I’ve joined the Coldfire camp!

Now I’m in a long-distance relationship. (No, not with him, you schmuck.)

Now I have periods of no sex whatsover for up to a week or two, interrupted by weekends of “having all forms of heterosexual sex known to man, JungleFuck-a-Go-Go Style”.

Problem is, I’m enjoying JungleFuck-a-Go-Go so much, I’m putting myself into debt going where she is more often than expenses allow.

Anyone want to buy a kidney?

You know who I hate? Evangelical virgins. You know the kind: fundies who are extra smug because they’ve never been laid and that, apparently, gets them into some sort of exclusive section of heaven. There was a group of them who’d show up on campus every monday for a semester, trying to win converts by extolling the virtues of blue-balls. And they were all fucking gorgeous, in a very blonde, master-race sort of way. Hated those bastards. Everytime I saw them, I felt like an Ethiopian at a convention of anorexics.

most excellent simile, nimune.

Wow! That’s guts right there, sis. . . Like, wow. . . Props to you.

But, you may ask yourself, “Tripler, how do you cope?”

Simple!

[ul]
[li]War! (or training for it)[/li][li]Hockey![/li][li]Lotsa Beer![/li][li]Minor Construction and Demolition[/li][li]Quilting![/li][li]Blowing stuff up![/li][/ul]

That’s how I deal with not getting any “happy” regularly. Notice the trend?

Tripler

Tripler, you wouldn’t happen to listen to GBH, would you?

If you don’t, check out their early stuff; it will entertain you.

My recommendations for weathering the sexual doldrums:

  • drink a lot of beer;

  • get out more often, and actually interact with people, no matter how shy you actually are–hence the beer;

  • face it, you wouldn’t be posting or reading here if you didn’t kick some sort of serious ass at something; this is not the kiddie pool of the thoughtless; chances are you have something on the ball, but you’re just not presenting it in the light of proper kick-assiveness;

  • masturbate at least one more time than you really care to each day, until

  • you just don’t care anymore, or it starts to hurt.

Once you don’t give a damn, the most wonderful, thoughtful, beautiful individuals will suddenly drop into your life and want to bed you and will get pissed if you try to pay for dinner or buy a Pussy Snorkel. I think it’s a Zen thing. Or a Joseph Heller thing. But it’s a real thing, whatever it is, and it is an attractive state of mind.

Only 6 more months untill I reach that 7 year mark. So yeah, Im sort of a reformed virgin. =)

GBH? Not a clue. Who are they?

In any case, it’s been so long, I think li’l Tripler wouldn’t know what to do any more. I certainly don’t remember what it’s like, so I ain’t missing it too much.

And I do kick ass at something. I’m just not sure what it is.

Tripler
Perhaps beer consumption?

Oh, how embarassing. I was thinking of that song by The Exploited, not GBH. “Sex and Violence.”