So I Was Not Having Any Form of Sex Whatsoever...

Given the other threads in this forum, it seemed like the logical next step…

All I can say is that either
a) you guys have very creative writing skills; or
b) I must be way too inhibited.

And I’m afraid the answer’s probably b)…

Okay, okay, in an attempt to make this into an actual discussion topic…

What threads have you seen that have made you say “I could never say something like that in a public forum!”. :eek:

Or am I underestimating the jaded tastes of SDMBers once again?

As I have become something of an expert on this subject, I will share the proper techniques in not having any form of sex whatsoever:

  1. Wake up.
  2. Work.
  3. Make, eat dinner. (You can do ‘that thing’ with your tongue, but only if it helps you eat dinner.)
  4. Spend too much time on the Internet.
  5. Spend too much time watching TV.
  6. Sleep.
  7. Repeat.

Little enhancements can really spice up not having any form of sex whatsoever, such as Law & Order reruns, your weekly hockey league game, pickup basketball, televised Detroit Red Wings games, or a new release from the video store.

Try some of these out. Experiment!

If you’re feeling particularly saucy, try going to a local bar on a weekend night, spending 40 or 50 bucks, coming home and going to sleep. Not all are born to be this wild, but for you “no sexual activity whatsoever” daredevils, give it a shot.


No, I’m not that wild. But I am wild enough to often do 3, 4, and 5 simultaneously.

Just make sure you don’t excite yourself to death. I almost did that earlier tonight, but avoided it by plunging my heads into the freezer.

Er, head, that is. My head.

Never mind.

Well how could any of us. Appearantly Esprix is getting all of it.

Don’t worry. The closest thing I ever get to sex is putting out a jar full of nuts in the backyard, spiking it with some Viagra, then watching the squirrels fuck themselves to death.

It’s really funny how fast those lil’ buggers try to go… :smiley:

Wanna not have sex?

Have kids.

Alternatively, you could try a long distance relationship. You’ll be “not having any form of sex whatsoever” for periods up to one month, or sometimes even longer. The plus side to it all, is that the periods of “not having any form of sex whatsoever” are interrupted by weekends of “having all forms of heterosexual sex known to man, JungleFuck-a-Go-Go Style”.

I’m sure that’s just what y’all wanted to hear.

We noticed you’d been away over the weekend. ‘JungleFuck-a-Go-Go,’ indeed.

It’s going to be difficult to take you seriously for a little bit. Bear with me.

I’m not giggling, honest.


Am I the only one on the board who doesn’t have sex because I’ve chosen to save it for the person I marry? Other things go, but sex is a no-no for now.

And as for things I wouldn’t say on here: Yes, we have our forms of fun, but Ray would not approve of me talking about it on this board. :stuck_out_tongue: (Hello Ray!)

My exciting day!
Wake up
Take Shower (alone)
Go to School (Bah)
Go home
Sleep (alone)
Do homework
Talk to Ray on phone somewhere around here
Sleep some more (alone)

Isn’t that so damn exciting??

I could tell you about eating my midnight snack but that might give someone a heart attack!

Welfy said:

Now I know what the Lemonheads were talking about when they named that one album, “It’s a Shame about Ray.”

Coldfire wins for “Best Description of a Long Distance Relationship.” :slight_smile:

Hmmm…so let me get this straight…I’m the ONLY virgin on the ENTIRE BOARD…

Ok…Just makin sure…

…Carry on…

Well, define “virgin.”

But that’s a whole different thread altogether. :slight_smile:

I get a lot of flack sometimes for supposedly making a BIG DEAL about the fact that I happen to be a virgin. So what?
I call myself a Virgin by Default, because, sadly, the opportunity to have sex has not yet presented itself.

Says jr8:

I was an inhibited poster once. Then one day I found myself posting a thought beginning:
“So, I was hip deep in this chick…”

It’s been downhill ever since.

Yup, right-on for Coldfire, unfourtunatly, Sailorboy and I haven’t gotten to the JungleFuck-a-go-go yet…

And why, oh why do I want to hear the rest of this thought?

I don’t like posting "me too"s, but…

me too.