Even though I have been married, I consider myself in some respects to be a virgin. I still have not had sexual intercourse that rocked my world, make me go “Wow!”, or otherwise convinced me that sex was actually worth all the hullabaloo people make out of it. I hardly ever engaged in such activity, and if I did it was to make my (now) ex-wife stop asking for it (that is, I rarely did anything that excited me but rather focused on what she liked, for the most part).
Now that I am no longer married, I feel no rush to lose my virginity to someone I am actually attracted to. At first, I thought this was because I was comfortable with being single and a virgin, and because one-night stands are not something I approve of or feel the urge to engage in. But upon further introspection, it seems to be that the real reason I am still a virgin (living near a large city, it would not be difficult, I believe, to explore options for sexual activity if I really wanted it) is because I am scared of sex.
I am scared that it will be smelly, messy, unpleasant, uncomfortable, painful, or I might catch a disease. Or that the person I would sleep with would turn out to be a psychopathic homocidal maniac of some sort. A friend of mine who was sexually active says that sexual activity is messy, indeed, but that’s nothing that gets in the way.
By the way - this has an impact - the reason my friend is no longer currently sexually active is because he is waiting until he is in a relationship before engaging in sexual activity. He had his phase during which he slept around quite a bit. What shocked him into a different paradigm was reading in the newspaper that someone he knew from a one-night stand was stabbed to death near the person’s home. The person was last seen leaving a bar with another person, presumably for a night of action. That jarred him (and me) - that, truly, going off with someone one hardly knows is an invitation for much trouble. Not to mention the possibility of a person having some disease and intentionally not informing one’s partners or potential partners thereof.
So . . . am I paranoid or something? Irrationally afraid of sex? Am I alone in this situation?
WRS