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NOT KISSING FIRST.
avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
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BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love is. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
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NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion, it’s avoidance
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SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
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BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples, and than clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending
they’re a dogie toy isn’t.
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TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
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IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
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GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and under pants. If you’re going to be that aggressive,just ask her to take the damn things off.
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LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
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ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
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STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
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UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.
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GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy.Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
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BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful,it can hurt so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
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MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You’re attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are
not.
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UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons.
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TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.
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GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool she’ll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
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GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
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COMING TOO SOON.
Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure
too.
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NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man.
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ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know, don’t ask.
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PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don’t act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
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NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
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NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary.
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MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don’t thrust. She’ll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don’t grab her head.
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TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate all over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
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MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn’t feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
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ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don’t think that being drunk is an excuse.
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TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, “Can I take a photo of you?” she’ll hear the words “__to show my buddies.” At least let her have custody of them.
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NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
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SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It’s as sexy as a belching contest.
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ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine,but unless she’s a Romanian gymnast, don’t get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings?
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LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don’t.
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GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck,if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
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BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s not a big turn-on.
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TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a -900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know.
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NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
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SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
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EATING HER OUT FOR ETERNITY.
Oral sex is great for a while, but when she is trying to pull you up to enter her, take that as a clue that she is sick of you being down there. Some guys actually do oral sex to avoid the closeness of being face to face. We can tell.
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GETTING UP AND LEAVING IMMEDIATELY AFTER.
This is self-explanatory. It’s just plain rude and kills whatever mood you might have created before. Never do this unless she tells YOU to get the hell out. Then its acceptable.
42)THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
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BEING PASSIVE - Don’t let him undress you andhimself. Just help him a little bit: like making the first step. Just because we are men it doesn’t mean that we must do all the job.
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WEARING JEANS OR TIGHT PANTS - It takes time to take off these kind of clothes. Every second counts. Remember one thing: the more time you got, the more rounds you got, and the more rounds you got the more satisfied you get.
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GOING DOWN HALFWAY - Once you start going down, don’t stop at the belly button, keep going or just don’t go past the neck at all.
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CHOKING HIS CHICKEN - Men feel pain, we are not as tough as you think. No man has a leather dick. You got to be smooth with it even though we don’t tell you.
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LICKING HIS EAR TOO MUCH - It’s just the same as a dog licking a bitches ass.
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MOANING LIKE A RUNNER THAT NEEDS AIR - Better moan with style girls cause men love to make fun of girls who can’t moan like movie stars. Try not to make much noise when you exhale.
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SCRATCHING HIS BACK - We don’t need no autographs, girls. It does not feel good at all. Depend on the length of nail and how deep you dig them in our backs so keep your nails in you pockets please. If you feel the need to scratch a boys back, either grip the hell out of the sheets or the headboard.
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LETTING YOUR HAIR FALL IN HIS FACE - Men need air, they breath.
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JUMPING ON HIPS TO HARD - A man is not a horse so please take it easy unless you got a big booty to take care of the landing.
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SCREAMING TOO LOUD WHEN YOU CUM - Are you crazy? Do you want us to get caught by your parents?(for those who are too young to have sex) Or do you just love seeing me jump through the window butt naked…
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KEEP YORSELF CLEAN! - Everyone knows that fish is the smell. But we don’t have to be smelling it when you take your panties off. Please warn us if you haven’t freshened up. And nobody wants to suck on salty dirty titties. Men aren’t the only ones who sweat. And we sure don’t want you smellin like you work at a fish market either. Make sure your ass is clean!!! No man wants to eat off a
dirty plate.
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MAKE SURE YOUR FEET ARE IN CHECK - Every man has a certain turn on, everything on a woman must be perfect, thats how we like it. Do not, I repeat do not get in bed with us with your feet looking like you were walking bare foot on toxic waste. You know what I am talkin about, nail polish coming off halfway, smelly as hell, uneven toenails, soles feeling like sandpaper. Its hard to perform good foreplay with that. And don’t even think about asking us to suck your toes when they look like they have been beaten with a sledge hammer(ugly)and we are not to fond of unpolished toes either. We like them soft, pretty, and tasty looking.
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GIVING HEAD - Don’t use your teeth!
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AFTER SEX BROADCASTING - Don’t go bragging to your saying that you have us so called “whipped” its not cool at all, especially when his friends are around. If a man is “whipped” he won’t admit it
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KEEP IT REAL - When you’re at the point of breakin up, don’t wait until then to tell us we didn’t knock it right. You know damn well we had you climbing the walls and walking on air.
And all I have to say is, at least we only make one third of the mistakes men make, that is only IF we do make mistakes 
