I’m here in Maryland visiting my parents over winter semester break. I headed out to Annapolis mall this morning to purchase the new Robert Jordan book, which I had been eagerly awaiting for a couple years. My brother came along, amazingly because he usually doesn’t get up till 2 or 3 in the afternoon.
When we came back from the Borders, my brother discovered he had left the passenger door of the truck unlocked (I guess he’s used to power locks, but I had reminded him a few times already to lock the door on previous outings.) So I get in, and lo and behold, shit’s missing.
A) personal CD player with car adapter that barely works and has to be held together with a rubber band
B) hard to find Guided by Voices CD that was in the player
C) case full of 25-30 mix CDs I burned from blanks
D) two packs of Kool menthol cigarettes
OK, so probably some crackfiend stole my shit so he could pawn it and get money for his daily rock fix, or perhaps to buy some copper Chore Boys or other pipe accessories. I guess I have come to expect nothing better from urban youth these days. But what the everloving fuck was he thinking taking that shit?? He can’t pawn the player, it barely works any longer. He can’t pawn the GbV disc, he didn’t take the case and cover and traders won’t take a used disc without them. He can’t pawn the discs in the case, they were just blanks with my personal music mixes on them. The only thing of any use to him at all is the menthol cigarettes. This shit is basically WORTHLESS TO HIM, but had plenty of value TO ME.
So now I have a 16-hour drive next week back to Missouri with no CD player, and even if I managed to get my brother (or my parents coz my brother doesn’t have any money) to replace it I’ve lost all my music, which it took me hours to burn from my hard drive at home. And a $20 CD carrying case, which is no chump change for a college student. I’m sure you guys know the feeling, when something isn’t catastophic, but it’s still really fucking annoying!!! And I’ve gotta get my anger off my chest at this fucknut…
So here’s my warning to this assmonkey who thinks he can just take my shit. Shitwipe, if I ever find your dirty stealing ass, I’m gonna cut your fucking balls off just like Batista sliced up Raul Castro. You’re going to spend the rest of your lousy crack-addled life as a fucking eunuch. Your skank-ass bitch of a girlfriend is going to look at your severed scrotum and laugh at your sorry, impotent, withered dick. The cops will find your stash and send you off to prison, where you can spend the next 3 years sucking real men’s cocks while they laugh at the fucking shriveled-dick spectacle that you are. Fuck you, fuck the sticky little sperm that made you, fuck you in the ass with a sottering iron.
And I hope you get fucking cancer from my cigarettes.
There, I feel better now. Thanks, Pit.