So IF you and your spouse had a threesome and...

My nightmare threesome would feature Nicole from BB, she’d never stop complaining:

“You call that a (bleep) penis? How can you even (bleep) live with yourself having one of those (bleep) things? I need a (bleep) cigarette. Don’t (bleep) look at me like that! My life is (bleep) ruined. My (bleep) husband thinks I’m a (bleep) whore and I’m in this (bleep)'s imaginary threesome having to deal with micro-(bleep) over here.”

You get the point.

Jess, Manservant, Rachelle

Maybe you could find someone from this thread.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=85458

paul reubens
or…
pauley shore
either one of those paul’s