So I'm now living with a guy from China....

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m an intern at a company near Buffalo, NY. The company is nice enough to supply me with housing, which they apparently also use to house engineers from China who come over here for training. I got an email this morning telling me I’d be getting two new housemates and sure enough at 7 pm today the first one arrived.

So far things have been great. He speaks English well and the other engineer that is moving in on Sunday is even better so communication isn’t a big problem. He’s agreed to teach me some Cantonese and Mandarin in return for helping him with his pronunciation and teaching him U.S. customs.

The only problem I’ve encountered is neither of them drive so I’ll be playing taxi for the next six weeks. This includes a 45 minute drive to get good Chinese ingredients but if I get to learn new cooking styles I’m all for it.

Do any Dopers have advice on what I should teach them or show them? Like I said I just found out they were coming today so I am completely unprepared for this. I know a lot of other engineers from the company will be stopping by to take them out and show them around so I’m not too worried about that. I’m mainly concerned with the “When I visited the U.S. I really wish somebody had told me…” type information. This has also forced me to realize I’m painfully ignorant of Chinese culture so any advice on taboos I should avoid would be greatly appreciated.

Mundo

2

Based on working with Chinese folks, and doing an MBA with students right from Mainland China, and off the top of my head:

-teach them about american sports, and cultural references that come up in businessspeak: touching base, moving the yardsticks,double plays, closing the loop, hail-mary-pass, when pigs fly, shooting the pupy, etc etc. Have them note down any expressions they don’t understand, and ask you about them in the evening.

-Many Chinese I met did not have a good understanding of personal space in N.A. culture and would stand too close to people whn talking.

-Emphasise the importance placed in North-American business culture on personal initiative and crativity. Explain to them that challenging your superiors ideas, providing it is done tactfully and in private, is,in fact, helping your superiors. Same for “the way we have always done things”

-Help them improve their spoken English, especially pronounciation. Their teachers may not have been native speakers or have had much immersion experience in an English milieu, let alone an American one. Help them understand more slang/colloquial English as it is spoken in your environement: e.g. wass’up, chillin, hanging out, etc. etc.

-Convince them that it’s better to ask questions than screw someting up later.

-Beware of the courtesy “yes” that really means “no”. Teach them that can get them in trouble over here, and have them practice communicating negatives more clearly: “We can’t do that in that time unless we do this…” “That implementation is not compatible with the current architecture”

-Keep an ear out for what may be racist / sexist statements to an occidendal ear. If you hear some, explain the difference in attitudes, and mention the danger of voicing such statements in public at work.

-Help them integrate in the prevailing mode of after-work recreation in your company: soft-ball league, unltimate, golf, surfing, whatever.

Well, that’s it for me. SHould be enough to prompt some other suggestions.

3

Thanks for the advice. I was going to teach him the rules for some american sports since the ones he likes aren’t on tv this time of year or aren’t on tv at all but I didn’t consider how important it was to emphasis the phrases that come with them.

Things have still been going well. He asked me where I was from and I told him south of here in Pennsylvania. His reply was “Near Mexico?” which lead to some fun time on Google Earth.

Is there anything you can think of they’d like to do that they can’t or don’t do in China? I know one engineer has plans to take them trap shooting, which they usually enjoy (I’m not sure what the gun laws are in China). And they usually also take them go-cart racing since they don’t drive. I was thinking of taking them to a Bills game (assuming they show interest in football) and at least to the U.S. side of Niagara falls (not sure what the rules are for the Canadian side).

4

They do have places to fire guns in China, but it’s rare and expensive. Then again, if you take him to a firing range, he may get the wrong idea about how common guns are here.

Take him out for a nice steak dinner or show him some high-quality seafood in your area. Where is he from? If he’s from Beijing, Tianjin, or Shanghai, he probably loves seafood.

Take him to a baseball/football game.

Buy him Taco Bell, Mountain Dew, and Doritos. Those are 3 things I missed while living in China.

China does not have many quality wines. They are trying to develop this area, but he might be interested in a nice bottle of American/European wine, which he probably can’t afford in China.

Teach him the holidays other than Christmas.

Take him to a movie in the theater. Most Chinese don’t go to the theater, since it’s cheaper to buy the bootleg DVDs.

Ask him to make you some Chinese food that is authentic, even if he thinks you won’t like it. Their food is phenomenal!

5

Oh, take him somewhere with casinos. Based on my experience, a vast majority of Chinese men love gambling and casinos only exist in Macau in China.

I knew a group of Chinese teachers that came to California for 3 weeks. Driving to Las Vegas was their number one priority and they loved it.

6

Thanks Mahaloth. I’m not the one taking him shooting so I don’t really have a say in that.

I think he has most of his meals covered for this weekend so I’ll have to talk to the guys at work and see where they plan on taking him so he gets some variety. He’s from just west of Hong Kong and just north of Macau if that helps.

I plan on taking him to a Bills game after I teach him the rules here on TV so he can enjoy it more.

I’ll be sure he gets to try all the American junk food he likes. It’d be a shame to come here and not up his calorie intake by 200%.

He knew what Thanksgiving was so he’s familiar with some American holidays. I’m kind of hoping he’s not familiar with Halloween since I think it’d be fun, although difficult, to try to explain.

I’m definitely looking forward to the cooking. My fridge is currently full of ingredients with writing I don’t understand and the few that have duel languages printed are mainly soy products. I just hope he’s a good cook even if I don’t like it. I’d hate to learn to be a bad authentic Chinese chef.

The casino is definitely do-able but will probably wait until next weekend until I find out more about the situation (mainly who is footing the bill).

7

Speak to your Personnel / HR department and see what they suggest.

8

Ask them, when they first arrive, if there is anything they were especially hoping to do while they are here in Amerika. You may be surprised by what’s on their wish list, and it’s always better to know on day one than on day 13 of a two week stay.

It sounds like there will be many people wining and dining them and generally interested in involving them in events.

As their room mate it would be very helpful if, on their first arrival, you pointed out to them that these persons are only trying to be hospitable, good intentions and all that.

Then tell them that if they are invited to things that do not interest them, offend them, or confuse them that you are here to help them. If they feel they cannot say ‘no’ to an invitation tell them you have no difficulty doing so, most politely, on their behalf, assure them no one will be offended, that they need only come to you and you will intervene on their behalf.

Offer to answer any, ANY, questions they may have to the best of your ability. And then for the first few days, keep asking, “Do you have any questions?”. In no time they will be asking you to say no to the invite to the stripper bar, asking what to wear to a BBQ, and wondering aloud why Amerikan’s are so…whatever.

You may be surprised at the questions you field, I would encourage you to say, “Good question, I’m not really sure, I’ll try and find out.”, rather than ramble on about things you really don’t understand or guessing.

It’s sure to be a fun experience be sure and let us know the highlights and good luck.

9

When I saw your location, my first thought was “take them to Tahou’s” but they’d probably get sick after such a huge change in diet. You could take them to a college hockey game or a lacrosse game.

10

So much good advice… Makes me wish I’d post more often.

He’s been gone most of the day today with another engineer getting more supplies and becoming familiar with the area. They just stopped in briefly and he commented on how beautiful the area was and how much he enjoyed the air quality. I’m getting the feeling this is definitely going to be an experience that will make me realize how much I take for granted.

I hadn’t considered it how difficult it might be for them to turn down invitations so I’ll definitely offer to do so politely on their behalf.

Omega Glory, I go to school in Rochester but I’m now much closer to Buffalo so it’s a bit of a drive for garbage plates. Not that Buffalo doesn’t have it’s own fine grease cuisine. mmmmmm… mighty taco

11

Very limited experience from my university days:

If you don’t already have one, buy a really good rice cooker - they sell them at Target and Walmart - get one with a teflon-type inner base (they are pretty cheap)…I love mine and use it all the time, but never even knew such a thing existed until I lived in a dorm-type environment and every person from China/Taiwan owned one and used it daily. They are great! Just dump the rice and water in, turn it on, and once the rice is finished, it turns off automatically and keeps it warm until you turn the machine off.

Again, from limited experience - the Chinese I met were overly-polite and one thing you have to teach them is to say “no”…let them know it is really OK to say “no”. Sounds strange, but after I taught a few, they thanked me. They would go places, eat things, do things and basically just be led around by the collar for fear of offending someone.

I envy you…you will learn far more from them than they will from you…but you won’t even realize it until after you have parted ways.

12

Also, watch out for the courtesy “no” that actually means “yes”. This doesn’t really come up in a business setting but rather during social interactions. When around unfamiliar people and trying to be polite Chinese people have a tendency to turn down everything they’re offered. You should tell him that if he wants that glass of water/biscuit/orange slice he needs to actually say yes because westerners will not exclaim “Rubbish! You MUST have this water/biscuit/orange slice” and force it into their hands like Chinese hosts do.

13

They already have a rice cooker and made rice today. I thought it was just typical rice until he broke out this little 6 oz. container from the store they went to. It’s some kind of mixture of vegetable meat (I haven’t asked what that means, tofu maybe?) bean sprouts, and seasonings and sauces. It made the rice amazing.

I still haven’t run into the no that means yes yet but I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for it.

Today C (there’s two housemates so I’ll call them C and E) went to Niagra falls with some other people from Hong Kong who can drive. E started teaching me Mandarin then went to a birthday party where he got to try his hand at golf. He came back from the party and asked me what was going on when everybody held hands at dinner, the father said some things, and then everybody said Amen. I explained that it was a prayer, part of Christianity which is a very popular religion here, and to follow the host’s lead when he goes somewhere for dinner for the first time since it’s hard to know if they are going to say a prayer or not.

I just got down explaining football to them. E fell asleep during the game and C went upstairs so interest isn’t too high. They both seem to like soccer and basketball but there’s not much of that on TV.

14

you might help them out on self introductions. ‘hi, i’m qihang qiang from china but you can call me Q. i;m here on x program and an engineer based in China with this group…’

help 'em pick an american nickname, articulate what the want to do in america both work and/or personal.

rehearsing a couple of different scenarios should be helpful

15

Watch out for people taking the opportunity to try and convert them. Depending on the audience, it could be like dangling fresh meat in front of a lion.

16

I just have a request:

take all their questions on American culture and trivia seriously. I’ve lived in the US for over 5 years total, in 3 different periods. It took over a year to find someone to explain to me how house numbers work, because when I asked, people thought I was “making a funny”. No, dangit, they work different in Europe!

(For the foreigners here: in many towns, streets going in one direction are “streets”; streets going in the opposite direction are “avenues” - so it’s not related to street importance, like in Europe; the first numbers indicate the nearest crossing, and the final two numbers indicate the location within the block. So for example 12301 3rd avenue, would be on 3rd avenue, close to where it crosses 123rd street… at the corner actually, since it’s the “01”. Huge numbers don’t mean that a street is real long: they mean that the address is far from the point downtown where 1st street crosses 1st avenue)