Sweet Jesus on a cracker. You’ve got an unbelievable amount of composure in all of this, and for that you should be commended. I’m straight, but I’m certain that were I in that situation I’d take all their nastiness, run it through an amplifier, and hurl it back at them tenfold. It would probably be horribly wrong of me to do so but rank ignroant bullshit like that really, really gets my back up. How any parent can completely do a 180 like that and treat their own flesh and blood like they just admitted they were Satan himself just because they’re gay is utterly, completely, mind-stabbingly incomprehensible. I hope someday they’ll come around, but I think you need to plan to divest yourself of their place in your life for now. Any contact with them now is only going to result in further abuse and derision, and right now you just need to get on with your life and do what you want and need to do. And don’t get your hopes up that they’ll come around – they may, someday, but hoping for it may just set you up for disappointment. If they decide to be contrite and apologise they’ll do it on their own. But no one’s going to change their mind for them.
Just take solace in what you’ve got left – you at least have support in your personal life, and you obviously have a significant support network here as well, so you still have some blessings to count.
I’m reminded of a well-known saying for situations somewhat like this: The best revenge is living well.
This needs to be said again and again. You’re still the same person, who gives a flying fuck who you love? Your parents may come to realize how horrible they are, after a time.
I’m so very, very sorry. If there is anything at all that we can do to help you, just let us know.
I’m so very, very sorry Fionn. If you ever need an ear to bend, I’d be more than happy. Since I was an unfortunate winner in the Shitty Mother Sweepstakes, I hope I can at least empathize with a situation that makes mine look like a cake-walk. Again, my good thoughts are with you and encouragement that you’re going to be just fine no matter what and that, ultimately, this will be what’s best for your well-being in the long run. Stay strong and retain that awesome humor. Best wishes.
I’m coming in a bit late, and I can’t really add anything that hasn’t been phrased better than I ever could. That being said…
I’m so very sorry this happened to you. Parents should be warm, loving, and supportive, not…this. At least you had the guts to come out to them. You’re a brave, admirable person.
And judging from the response, you know the Dope is here for you.
I don’t really have any advice, I just wish I could do something to help you. I wish my mother was still around, my mother who didn’t put up with this kind of shit and was welcoming to decent non-hateful people, such as you. She would have welcomed you into the house and fed you someting and given you space to calm down.
From what you have described, I think you need to get as far away as you can for a while, and remain with your real friends and family. It’s heartbreaking when hate damages and diminishes people… but I’ve also seen people mature and grow past it. Maybe someday your parents will do so.
I’m sorry for the crap you’re going through… I went through it many years ago, and haven’t spoken with my mother and brother in over 10 years… I got fed up being insulted and taunted by my family for being Gay…
When I came out, my mother told me she wished I could have been a drug addict instead… My brother and his wife gave me bibles and told me they would pray for me since I was going to hell…
There are days when I still wish I had their love, but finally realized that I was the sane one, and since you only have one life to live, why waste energy on people filled with hate?
Odd thing is, I have a better relationship with my cousins than I ever had earlier in life… It turns out I still have family, it just turns out it wasn’t the one I grew up in the same house with. And you’ll end up making your own family… I’ve been with my partner for almost 20 years. Now THAT’S family!
I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry if this is personal, but are you referring to something that happened to someone on the SDMB, or was this on the news or something (I don’t really keep up with the news)? Again, if this is a personal, prying question, please say so. I’m not trying to be nosy.
I am wondering about this too. If there is a chance of telling something about this or some linkage, it would be appreciated.
Fionn If it would make you feel better, you could give your grandma’s money to me What? Ok, fine. But don’t give it back. It was a gift.
Have fun car shopping!
Car shopping was alright. I got a Hyundai Elentra, which is actually pretty cute.
I had to arrange car insurance before I could drive it off the lot. By happy coincidence, the insurer they work with for people who need immediate car insurance happened to be my parents’, where I was previously covered. My policy was treated as a spinoff from theirs, so I got their solid coverage for a low rate.
My girlfriend is Filipino. This as much as anything seems to be bugging my parents, as my brother and I predicted it would.
I don’t know if I mentioned it previously, but one of the things Mom said to me was “Daddy told me you took your passport with you last weekend. Why? Are you going to ASIA?”
Me: Not any time soon.
This has become my own person Margaret-Cho’s-Mom bit, and it makes me smile every time I think about it. I bought a car from ASIA. We had ASIAN takeout last night when all the transactions were finally complete.
This comes up a lot with alcoholics and drug addicts in recovery- families who, instead of accepting that someone has a problem and is dealing with it, think it is somehow about them- what they did or didn’t, that it’s just something the person is doing to torture them, etc. We have a saying- You can’t choose your birth family, but you can choose your new family. Many of us do.
