So, it looks like my marriage is ending.

All I can do is cry at the moment. Our first date was a Christmas party in 1984. I’m 56 years old. What the hell do I do now. I don’t even have a job.

Holy fuck.

Oh, no! I am so sorry! And after all you’ve been through this year, too. I just want to hug you.

Wow, that’s rough man.

What are you good at? What did you do on your last job?

I’m not going to spout nonsensical platitudes about your relationship ending because what you want to hear and what you need to hear are two different things at this point.

Very sorry to hear this. :frowning:

I’m kind of in the same boat. I’m “only” 48. But it’s a hell of time to “start over”.
Do you have kids?

I don’t. I going to die old and poor and alone. That’s my future.

Well, if it just “looks like” your marriage is ending…maybe it isn’t. Communicate. I think LTR’s are a good thing. Invest in one.

And stay away from Christmas parties. That’s where the devil does his work.

Holy crap you guys, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I feel your pain, since my first marriage ended after 12 years and three kids when their mother decided to just up and quit on the marriage. No counseling, no wanting to work things out, just drop a bomb and tell me (a) she’s very unhappy, to (b) only a few days later saying she wanted to separate, to © only a few days after that deciding she wanted a divorce.

I sympathize with you, and want you to know that love can find a way. I’ve been happily married to Wife Version 2.0 now for 11 years, Mrs. Tango. I am truly blessed to be sharing my life with her.

Hang in there, guys.

So sorry to hear. That really sucks! Did you feel it coming? Or was it a surprise, entirely?

Either way remind yourself of two things, people live through divorce all the damn time! It’s not pleasant, or nice, yet they get through it, and you will too! Secondly divorce is so expensive, (cash or emotion), because it’s worth it, to be rid of the illusion of love and respect, where none is actually present!

Also, what’s a LTR ?

Long Term Relationship?


I am so sorry not what you’d expect. Big hugs.

The first thing you need to do is come to a temporary financial arrangement with your husband. Tthe second thing you need to do is find a lawyer and a job.

3 years ago I came home from work to find my ex sitting in the living room, waiting for me to get home so he could tell me he was leaving. His truck was packed with his stuff. I was completely blindsided. Over the next few days I found that he had been planning his exit for some time. He had wiithdrawn money from our accounts, rented a place to live an so on. He had even arranged for vacation time so he could go on vacation with his (secret) girlfriend a couple of weeks later, We had been married 32 years when this happened.

elbows LTR=Long Term Relationship

The other thing you put high on your priority list is you. Reach out to friends - ASK for their support. “I’d like to get together every Tuesday night - can you come over and I’ll throw together dinner and we can watch a movie.” If you don’t exercise now, start a diet and exercise program - no better motivation than spite for whipping your body into shape :slight_smile: Make a list of things you like to do that he didn’t from what movies you always wanted to see, to food you liked (my ex didn’t like Mexican), to places you wanted to go, to hobbies you wanted to try. Head to Walgreens and buy a $6 box of haircolor and give it a try. Pick up a new lipstick while you are there.

Whoa, just sit back a bit, people: not what you’d expect said that it “looks like” her marriage is ending - not that it has ended.

So before insisting she toss a new hair colour and a lawyer into her Wal-mart trolley, it might be worth finding out a few specifics first.

I really am sorry that you’re crying, not what you’d expect; and I’m sending you cyber hugs. (As well as three stars for your fucking great username/post combo.)

If you’re feeling very alone right now, remember that that’s really not true. So when you’re ready to talk about it, somewhere in the www, there are people willing to listen.

Divorce may not be a fait accompli.

My condolences, my sympathies, not what you’d expect. If it’s applicable, there’s a very good website at with lots of advice and supportive people who may be able to counsel you.

Think hard and objectively about a few things: Are you safe? Is it time yet for a lawyer?

I am so sorry, not what you’d expect.

What can we do to help? What do you need?

Thanks everyone. There’s no infidelity, just so much resentment over the deli closing. Coupled with the fact that we just don’t seem to want the same things from life anymore.

I want to move closer to our new grandchild, he doesn’t. Basically, if I want it, he doesn’t. We seem to have forgotten how to be nice to each other.

Having to live under the same roof until one of us finds work is going to be painful.

I used to be in office management, so hopefully I can find work along those lines.

Thanks for the virtual hugs you guys. I’m gonna need them.

Moving is a pretty big thing. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him not to want to move. But if you’re disagreeing about everything, big and small, that would cause a lot of tension.

A good forum is talkaboutmarriage. They have a section for divorce. It seems most people there are able to find happiness after divorce. So even if it comes to that, it’s not the end of the world.

Don’t fret too much about the job. From what you’ve said you’ve done in the past, I’m sure you’ll be able to find something.

Maybe instead of divorce, see if he’ll do a separation. In some states that’s required before divorce. It will give him time to cool down and realize things are not so bad. Try to validate his feelings but open the door to a separation. Say something like “Things have been tough, maybe too tough to fix. I’m not sure what could be done. But we’ve been together so long and I’d hate to quit if things could be worked out. I’ll go along with the divorce, but could we first try a separation for a while? If you still feel the same way, we can divorce after that.”

Also, how serious is he? Has he talked to a lawyer or anything? Or did he just say he wants a divorce when you were having an argument?

No lawyer involved at all yet. We’re both just arguing about what each of us wants going forward and there doesn’t seem to be any meeting ground.

Were you the owners of the deli? That kind of thing can strain the happiest relationship. I don’t “know” you, but whatever happens, I hope it’s for the best.

You need to find a therapist or a mediator to have this discussion. The discussion could be how to figure out how to stay together or how to best separate. They’ll guide the discussion so that there is actual progress.

I am so sorry for what you are experiencing.