I can give you a fish and a quart of water…that should be ample to have a fish fry and tons of wine for your victory party for the teeming millions!
No “Vice Pope” eh?
How about “Pope In Waiting” or “Pope Jr.” or “Lil’ Pope” or “Popette” or “Poper Scooper”?
As pope, I’ll be able to edit the final returns, writing you in as “First Runner Up to the Pope.” That’s the best I can do.
Although “Second Supreme Vicar of the Holy Vicariate and Universal Holy Robes” has a better retirement package.
I find myself wondering if a campaign source, who has requested anonymity because he is not authorized to speak about your candidacy, could let it slip to a reporter that you are strongly considering “Pope Jesus” as your title. I hear that would have a lot of sway with a subset of Catholics.
I’m in desperate need of a Campaign Director of European Media Relations. We’ve had a bit of an…incident…in London with a recent speech I gave before Parliament. I made reference to Kate Middleton’s Royal Vagina, and it didn’t set well with the locals.
Upon my ascendancy to the Holy Sacred Throne of Peter, I will name you Bretwalda of Vatican Office Supplies and Early Morning Chapel Wine.
Any takers?
Yeah but it wouldn’t play well with the Jewish vote.
If you agree to change Benedict’s official title from “Pope Emeritus” to “Motherfucking power-hungry, self-aggrandised bigot in the stupid fucking hat”* I’ll definitely vote for you.
*Google “Tim Minchin Pope Song” if you don’t know the reference, but it’s really NSFW.
Why is Peter II a conspiracy name?
Quite the contrary. You’ve got built-in cross-platform support.
White smoke…I’m waiting for my call!
How long do you think it’s going to take before they call me? It’s been about 20 minutes since the smoke started. Don’t I have to fill out some new-hire paperwork before I go out on the balcony?
But your outfit isn’t ready! I thought I had a few more days.
You might want to ready your recount attorney’s just in case
Capt
Gosh, you think it’ll come to that? My internal polling numbers have me up by 18% over the nearest Italian.
Off with your head. (Contingent upon the results. If I don’t win, your head can stay on.)
I see how it is. You couldn’t settle on a fabric for the sash and I get beheaded. This is why I’m an atheist.
Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio. I guess he’s okay.
sigh
Sorry to hear about that Happy. I thought you were a top prospect. But the guys 76 already, maybe you’ll have another chance before too long.
True and think of all the extra time you’ve got for campaigning* now!
Great thinking! I just need to remember to keep him off my Celebrity Death Pool list, otherwise he’ll live another 12 years for sure.
As concession speeches go, it has the virtue of brevity at least.
Heck, the guy only has one lung.