If elected, do you promise to cut tithes?
I think your best option now is convincing God to give you his endorsement. His word carries a lot of weight with those people. A burning bush might not work that well these days, so I’d suggest you see if you see if he can do a giant floaty head booming voice kind of thing.
I’ll take a look at the tithe code and work on making it something that’s fair to everyone. There’s no reason billionaire Catholics should be tithing the same rate as the church secretary.
Just how giant do you think we would need to go?
I’d go with the Demon Deacons as a mascot. 'Cause the Angels, Saints or Cardinals are pussy names.
Cecil. Duh.
you going to go with the red shoes or destroy tradition?
Happy, I’m a laxed (VERY laxed) Catholic, but I’ll vote for you.
All those damn years at Catholic school hafta account for some type of pull, right?
This just occurred to me - what kind of popemobile will you get once win (and I’m thinking he will SO totally win)? Muscle car? Convertible so you can put the pope bubble thingy on it? Hybrid? SUV?? Us masses want to know! These are important details.
Happy, I’m not seeing nearly enough graft here. I mean, promising not to kill us is nice and all, but… seriously. It takes a lot more than that to obtain such a high office.
Yes, actually, although I understand they don’t get to the point of running DNA analysis - yet.
Hmm, you might be right. I can offer titles. How would you feel about being named “Travelling Secretary to the Deputy Bishop of the Bejeweled Apostolic Throne” under a Lendervedder administration?
To all my supporters: You will have a wonderful title awaiting you under my reign.
To all my mortal enemies: You will have a special place in hell awaiting you after I destroy you with fire and bovine flatus.
And our internal polling indicates we have a clear path to victory, but it involves some serious get-out-the-vote efforts with the black cardinals.
Interesting approach. Would definitely appeal to the evil satanic wing of the College of Cardinals. I’ll have my polling guys look into this.
Hmm. Good question. I think I’ll go with a 2013 Chrysler Town and Country with flip-down DVD players for everyday-schlubbing of my kids and tooling around the Holy See. And a '69 Mustang with bubbletop for special occasions.
I’m working on this vs. we’re working on this is troubling as the notable stolen & leaked tapes have been of more than one person. Suggest finding the budget for a professional spinmeister to handle your communications.
This is the answer of a typical politician; you don’t say whether the billionaires should pay more or less. You’ll get the vote of the rich cardinals.
Last I heard, there was more black smoke this morning, so you’re not out of the running yet.
Just pad your resume with a bunch of stuff about masterminding cover ups for pedophile rings and you should be fine.
May I suggest you choose the name Ahn A’Rope - then you would be “Pope Ahn A’Rope”.
I think I have the perfect marketing souvenir in mind.
And one of your first decrees should be regarding the next election of pope.
Don’t use white of black smoke…kind of boring and racist.
Go by odor. Let people smell the news!
Use cigar smoke (nope, haven’t decided yet) or weed (yippee - we elected someone!).
BTW, I would gladly be your running mate!
What would be cooler than to be the first “Vice Pope”?!
“Vice Pope” might give the wrong impression amidst sex scandals. But DMark, for a generous donation to the campaign, I’ll definitely name you Second Supreme Vicar of the Holy Vicariate and Universal Holy Robes.
Red shoes with gold lamé stripes.