More issues than National Geographic.
My mother has cluster B personality disorder, predominantly narcissistic, with a side order of histrionic. Life with her was a freakin’ nightmare. She also developed normal pressure hyrocephalus about 10~15 years ago and now has lewey body dementia. It hasn’t tempered her behaviour at all.
She was constantly ANGRY. The least little thing would trigger a RAGE tantrum, everyone in the house was terrified of her. She was also a compulsive liar, she used to tell people her husband (my Dad) had a terrible temper, was always shouting at her, and wouldn’t give her any money while she was trying to feed and clothe three children.
She didn’t tolerate illness or injury. Dad came home early from work one afternoon and more or less collapsed in the kitchen - he managed to sit down at the table, and she left him sitting there for at least half an hour before she finally rang a doctor. I found out years later he’d had a heart attack. Bit like that episode of Desperate Housewives where Bree tidies the house before calling an ambulance when her husband has a heart attack.
I had a really bad flu two years ago, just before it hit me, I’d gone shopping and stocked up on bread, crisps (potato chips) and milk. No idea what possessed me to do so, but it was a damn good job I had, because I was too out of it with a fever to cook or anything. Mother never rang anyone to tell them I was ill and we needed help. I was sick for about 10 weeks or so, and she never told anyone. I told my brother when he popped round for a visit and he went shopping for us - she threw a tantrum at me for it. I also told a cousin who visited, and she too did some shopping for us. Mother kept telling her not to go shopping for us “she’ll (ie me) go herself!”
One of my brothers has been married 3 times. I’m not allowed to tell anyone that. I think people have noticed that he’s had 3 different wives though. My other brother has a child, he’s not -and never was- married to the mother. I’m not allowed to tell people that either. He’s had a succession of girlfriends since he broke up with the mother of his child, but I’m not supposed to tell people that either.
My Dad nearly died from jaundice years ago, he got sick, but couldn’t say anything to mother (her usual response to being told “I don’t feel well” was to pah and tell whomever to take two aspirin, or shut up because she wasn’t feeling well herself, and her illness was much much worse that whatever trifling condition you were suffering from was), so she didn’t alert anyone for several weeks. When he finally was admitted to hospital we were told he wasn’t going to last the night (he did survive that bout and lived several years). Mother’s excuse was “Well I didn’t think it was anything serious, he barely said a word about it!” The whites of his eyes were almost orange by the time she called a doctor, but she “hadn’t noticed there was anything wrong with him”.
I nearly died myself once after having a severe reaction to some pain medication I’d been given, all right nearly died is a slight exaggeration, but I did pass out and she left me lying on the floor till I came round. When I came to she was sitting on the couch laughing at “the funny colour you went before you fell down hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha”. I didn’t realise I’d had a reaction to the meds and took another dose (I was in a LOT of pain), and it happened again. She found that even funnier than the previous ‘faint’, because this time I was lying on the couch and my head had lolled back [so I was essentially choking on my tongue], and I’d been “making funny snorting noises heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee”.
I went to a funeral a few years ago and when I came back, she came rushing out to meet me to enquire “was anyone asking where I was??!!”
“no”
“are you sure??!!”
“I’m positive”
“Do you mean to tell me <name of deceased’s mother> didn’t ask why I wasn’t at the funeral???!!”
“no, she didn’t”
Infuriated she tried to find out if anyone had asked after her, she named about 30 people who’d likely attended the funeral and not a-one had asked about her. So then she decided the funeral had been brought to a standstill so that everyone could admire the wreath she’d sent. It hadn’t. I believe the expression is incandescent with rage
My mother hasn’t spoken to the decedent’s mother since.
All my life she’s called me a liar, to the point where I wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone, ever, because anything I said was a lie. I was also persistently accused of cheating when I was at school. I was “far too stupid” to have scored 8 out of 10 in a test and I’d only gotten that high of a mark by copying someone else. Oh and I’m a thief. I showed her a new coat that I’d bought and she wanted to know where I’d stolen it from. I told her I hadn’t stolen it, so she wanted to know where the hell I’d gotten the money from? Duh I have a job. She practically spat on me (her usual response to being proven wrong). Going shopping with her was a nightmare, if I looked at something for too long she’d start shrieking that “stealing was against the law” and I’d have to leave the shop before someone called security on me.
The one time in my life that I had a boyfriend, I had to see him in secret and never let him meet her (something he found most odd), when she found out that I was seeing a boy she went ballistic and stopped me from getting out of the house in time to meet him. He refused to believe that I was late because of her - he couldn’t understand how in the name of g-d my mother had stopped me getting out of the house. Well see, she locked one door, and sat in front of the other one, so my only option would have been to climb out a window (and in those days the windows didn’t open far enough to climb out of). He was convinced I was trying to break up with him and faking this bullshit about my mother instead of being honest about it. I’d a friend at the time who’d seen my mother behaving badly towards me, but she just bit her lip and wouldn’t say anything in my defence.
When I hadn’t made any effort to meet my BF in a while mother made a point of discussing it with me (ie she mocked me), I told her he’d broken up with me and she laughed herself sick at me.
I’ve since realised that the “friend” I mentioned has narcissistic tendencies herself and she was only too happy for my BF to dump me, as it meant I’d have to spend more time with her. She’s so deranged she threatened to commit suicide if I ever fell out with her.
