Yup. My husband hasn’t spoken to his dad for months now, and frankly both of us are really feeling a lot better as a result. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean they get to be jerks to you.
I do “flaming queen” fairly well. I’d just launch into and tell him how fabulous the church was and how scrumptious all the boys were and so on and so on until I fell to the ground convulsing with laughter.
Then when I was finally able to stand and breath again, I’d ask “Is that what you’re expecting, dad? Seriously?”
And if he said yes, I’d give him a very dark look and say “Give it up. I’m not gay, I’m not going to turn gay.” Followed by some words I’d probably regret.
I gathered that his dad is concerned his (Skald’s) church puts Skald at high risk to “get the gay,” but I thought those same types of churches thought righteous marital lovin’ was the antidote.
If prayer cured diabetes, the Neumanns wouldn’t have had anything to worry about.
Skald, your family makes mine seem pretty darn normal. I know you love them, which makes it even harder. You are a good, decent man. Personally, I’d probably ask if he wanted to meet my girlfriend. 
Wait, so are you, then, a straight man living in the Castro? How is that? How’s the rent there?
I know he’s your dad and all that, but if you had simply answered , “Because I’m not gay. I loves me some hot poontang wayyy too much. Therefore I’m not gay. And before you ask, we pray while we are bumping bellies. Both of us are yelling, ‘O GOD O JESUS!!’”.
That should set him mind at ease. Or not.
Yes, I am a straight male living in the Castro, and I do get some attention once in a while, but not that much, and even then, it’s often half me being cute and half let’s see if the straight guy will squirm. There’s plenty of obviously-gay guys around to capture other young mens’ fancy. Plus I live on the edge of the neighborhood where it’s pretty well mixed (keep in mind even the Castro is only ~41% gay/lesbian), and I don’t go to specifically-gay bars too often (though all the bars in the vicinity are at least a little gay).
Rent sucks, but it’s worth it because the neighborhood is fucking awesome. I had a range of blocks I really wanted to find a place in, and I’m three blocks away from the center of that area.
I suppose I could start an “Ask the straight Castro resident” thread if there were interest.
“Dad, I took your advice and watched a football game Monday night, and I was amazed! For a forty-year-old man Brett Favre has an extremely good-looking ass.”
Skald’s divorced, IIRC. And after reading that, I’m so, so very very grateful I don’t come from a family of fundies. My parents are fairly liberal Catholics.
May I use this as a sig, please?
It’s a damned good thing I was resting my chin on my hand and was able to cover my mouth – I literally did a spit take.
[gives Skald a big 'ol hug first off]
I like the suggestion that you tell your dad that you watched a football game and remark on the tightness of the tight ends tight ends!
[sorry if that made no sense, I’m really woozy from allergy medicine]
But Skald’s already married! Currently getting divorced in fact, I believe.
Of course, Daddy Dearest is perfectly liable to decide that the problem was not along the lines of “Kim was uncomfortable and for some reason decided that the reason was the differences in belief between her and Skald,” - it was that Kim had discovered Skald has teh Ghey! Or maybe that she knew it all along and had been trying and trying to cure him but, because she doesn’t go to the Right And Only Church (I think she doesn’t go to DD’s church) it didn’t work. Something like that, he seems to reason along similar lines as my own Mommy Dearest…
Or in short, DD will just believe whatever he wanna.
So, are you still Ghey and diabetic or what?
Yeah, maybe to something by Noel Coward or Oscar Wilde.
Or better yet, “Sure I’m straight, Dad. Hell, give me the money for a hooker and I’ll prove it to you right now!”
[Offered for amusement purposes only, of course. Not meant as serious advice.]
Perfect solution!
She left me a while back.
What does Tbh mean?
Do you recall how Cheryl Cornish, the pastor, used to joke that she was the most frequently outed straight person in Memphis? I’m pretty sure this is still ongoing for her even though she herself finally got married.
Kym the Rhymer left Skald? When did that happen? I’m so sorry to hear that, Skald.
In terms of your dad - good luck with that. I have a father deeply involved with evangelical missionary groups (although he’s a member of the Presbyterian Church, a relatively calm and level-headed theology), and we just don’t talk about my going to hell for being Wiccan.
Sorry to bring it up. I didn’t know.