You're wondering why I can hardly stand to talk to you, Dad? Here's an example.

Recently we had a contest among the sales teams at work. In addition to the winning team getting a nice lunch paid for by the company, that team’s manager got two tickets to the Southern Heritage classic football game.

My team won, so I got the tickets. I have no interest in football – no, make that interest contingent on my wife’s interest; I’ll go to a game with her if she wishes to go, but not otherwise. So I after getting the tickets Tuesday I called her to see if she wanted to go. She didn’t, so I called my team together, had everyone put their name in a hat, and gave the tickets to the winner.

Simple, sane resolution, right?

Of course not. That would be too easy.

You see, last night my father came by (without calling, but that’s another story) to see the baby. While he was there, my wife happened to ask what I’d done with the tickets, so I told her. This sent Dad into a five-hour screed* on my shortcomings as a man. First he wanted to know why I didn’t want to go to the game myself. Then he insisted that I have should have gone anyway, for appearance’s sake, so as to look more manly. Then he said I shouldn’t have asked my wife if she wanted to go, but rather *told *her that she was going.Then he said that my doing most of the cooking in the house means I’m not being the head of the household. Then that I should have offered the tickets to one of my sisters rather than given it to one of my employees. Then…

Well, you get the idea. I swear, we should just fake our deaths, dye our hair, and move to Brazil.

*Okay,it was probably more like fifteen minutes, but it certainly felt longer.

Doesn’t your wife know better than to bring shit up like that when your dad is around? You may have to set her straight! :smiley:


Brazil sounds nice, seriously you can’t win this your Dad just sees the World through his particular set of blinders. My Dads have the similar problems, yes I have two sets of parents. Good luck


WTF - your sisters didn’t earn the tickets, your sales team did. What you did was perfectly reasonable and fair.

I’ve heard the theory that you’re not really a man until you’ve had a fist fight with your own father. Time to test that theory IMHO.

Fuuuuuuuck. What a dick. I hope you’re able to limit your exposure.

A real man* would have escorted him out the door about 2 minutes into that 5-hour screed.


I forget that you’re a Northerner sometimes. :wink:

Sounds to me like your father has a lot of self-consciousness about his own machismo and is projecting that onto you.

I feel bad for being amused by your pain, Skald, but I couldn’t help but laughing. Your dad sounds like a caricature from a sitcom. I could see him being played by William Shatner in a fishing vest.

Your father doth protest too loudly - perhaps he should have gone to the manly game to make up for those sneak visits he makes to Broadway musicals and those Sex And The City DVD’s he has hidden in the closet.

Seriously - at some point I probably would have just laughed out loud, pissing him off even more.

Right there is where you lost me. I don’t answer the door unless someone has arranged to stop by. Years ago I lived not far from my mother, and she learned about my lil peculiarity the hard way.

I agree in theory but it’s unenforceable among the Rhymers. Among my father, siblings, wife, & me, I’m the only one who feels any compulsion to even call (much less ask permission) before visiting another. It’s very annoying.

Why not just tell your dad that these lectures are unwelcome, and he needs to call before coming over? He’s an adult; one thinks he could handle this. I beg off activities with my parents all the time.

Can’t you just ask them to start doing this?

Then moving is the best option. I recommend 50 miles, but less than 180. Less than 50 miles and you risk the pop-in visit. More than 180 and you risk the dreaded overnight. It’s a fine line that can move based on traffic and weather conditions, so you’re never really safe, but you can mitigate the risk.

You’re wondering why I can hardly stand to talk to you, Dad?

So, does your Dad *actually *wonder/know that you can hardly stand to talk to him?

Boy does that sound weird. My dad has his quirks but at least he’s a reasonable guy.

More cowbell. Around his neck.

Dye your hair and move to** Brazil**? :dubious: How manly is that? Ok, joking. I’m from the North also, but will toss in a few thoughts.

Boundaries. Your father is overstepping his boundaries. The tickets were yours, and you had every right to do with them whatever you wished. Your marriage, and how you chose to behave within the marriage, is between you and your wife.

“Dad, you’ve overstepped your boundaries. You’re not allowed to talk to me about your ideas of manliness any more.” Shut him down any time the topic arises. Hang up, show him the door, or leave the discussion.

Us Beatas used to be the dutiful servants within the Beata family. Oh, how his family would try to dictate what we should do. We grew backbones later, rather than early on, and I regret not speaking up earlier.