I think it’s “To Be Honest.”
My dad (who’s apparently not quite as much of a religious wacko as Skald’s is, but close) was once concerned that I might be gay, too. I simply told him that he can be absolutely certain that I’m not, because if I were, I would tell him. Which led to a peculiar mix of emotions on his part, mixed relief that I’m straight with horror that I don’t think homosexuality is at all shameful, and he’s never brought up the subject again.
Really, I don’t see how any completely straight guy can think it’s possible to “choose to be gay”, or for someone to be “converted”. I know gays can’t have chosen to be gay, because I never chose to be straight: It just happened. The logical conclusion, then, is that anyone who thinks it is possible to choose must be at least somewhat bisexual, and is confusing “pursuing relationships with particular people of a particular sex, while ignoring urges towards the other particular sex” with “pursuing a particular sexual orientation”.
You leave out the possibility of demon possession.
I’m not kidding. Dad honestly believes that homosexuality is the result of a a fallen angel hopping into someone’s heart, or skull, or johnson, or whatnot. It’s still a sin in his eyes, because he thinks demons can only possess a person if the person opens his heart, or skull, or johnson, or whatnot to the demon by associating with the sinful, or thinking sinful thoughts, or such.
Ah, jeez. Around here, the fundies don’t think “teh ghey” is “catching” so much as it is something you just shouldn’t be around…people judge you based on those you hang out with, after all. :rolleyes:
One of my mother’s fundie relatives has come out of the woodwork in the last month or so and has been sending emails about how great it is that the Lord has made her a grandma, and that her other daughters are waiting for the Lord to lead them to husbands, and so on. I do know that particular side of the family thinks I’m some sort of massive hellbound failure, since I’m pursuing a career instead of a husband…
oh crap, here I go…
Ask him if he believes his God is all powerful.
If he says yes, then ask him how an all powerful God could be defeated by a demon.
If instead he says no, then ask him what can be more powerful than God, and why would he worship a God that is not all powerful. (Keep a fire extinguisher handy.)
Then there is the whole “in his image” bit. If God created everything in the universe, didn’t he also create homosexuality? (Again, if not God then who/what created homosexuality, and again we’re back at the all powerful loop.) If this is “in his image” does that mean that God is…well, you know the rest. (Only use this one if there is a clear shot to the door.)
Have you thought about burning the edges of a pocket-bible, cutting off the binding and the cover, and leaving home made Post-It Notes of the ‘1000 reasons why you are not Ghey’ around his place with tape?
I’m thinking red marker would stand out best, but it depends:
How’s your penmanship?
That simply won’t work. I don’t know Skald’s dad personally, but I’ve known many men like him in my lifetime. Arguing religion with someone like that is like trying to teach a pig to sing–wastes time and annoys the pig.
Those views on religion and homosexuality are repugnant to most of the posters here. To people like Skald’s Dad, those views are sanctioned by Almighty God, who really exists, and will burn people in real hell fire forever, really. There’s no room for debate, dissension, or alternative interpetations.
Pushing the point is only going to upset an old man, Skald’s father. There’s no upside to fighting about it. Nothing is going to change the way this man feels on these subjects. Conforntation introduces unecessary drama that is best avoided. To a certain extent, this may be a “Southern Thing” that outsiders just won’t quite understand–family ties are very strong in this part of the world
As usual, Oak states my point more succinctly than I would have.
If I had been having such a pseudo-discussion with a casual acquaintance, I’d have let fly with the multiple ways the Bible contradicts itself on, oh, everything. But with my dad? I can’t see a reason to bother; it will just be hurtful to him with no real possibility of enlightening him.
If he thinks you can catch gay like a virus, tell him you’re infiltrating the gay church so that they’ll catch your straightness
Dad actually does have a point. Recent studies indicate that only about 10% of gay men were actually born that way.
The rest were sucked into the lifestyle.
To be honest.
So to speak.
Maybe he’s seen a few too many episodes of Supernatural.
Sorry.
I am laughing at many of the posts here, but it does make me a bit sad that there are so many people like your dad and that there’s no use in trying to talk with them about certain things.
I was ALMOST whooshed by that. 
Yeah, if a wife or two isn’t evidence enough, you’re probably sunk. Those wacked-out xians, eh? No reasoning with 'em!
While it might be entertaining for Skald to send mixed messages to his dad, I’d be worried that he’d be abducted by his father and brother and “exorcised” in some dank basement across town.
Seriously, you can’t trust people who are in the reorientation business. That’s some nasty shit right there. One minute he’ll be drinking some tea at his father’s house with his pinky finger extended and he’ll wake up two hours later tied to chair, surrounded by deacons with 2x4s screaming, “Demons out!”
Somewhere on youtube is a reporter interviewing a ‘counselor’ or ‘therapist’ that helps get the ghey out of men. It involves two men cuddling on a couch in an office setting and dealing with a lack of a proper male role in their life ( I think, I was really disturbed by the entire thing and purged it from my mind.)
So, what you need to do, Skald, is show your dad that video and say that is the only way to cure the ghey.
Or tell him you need money for the strip club.
I’m with Oakminster on this one, also, I’m afraid. It would be such a better story to hear that Skald did some of the more outrageous suggestions but… Skald’s father is probably not going to change. Why hurt him? What is the point?
**Skald **- The only thing to do is tell Dad you are not gay, but you appreciate his concerns and, even though he is doubting your ability to look out for yourself, you’ll love him anyway - because that is what Christianity tells you to do.
-Fetch - lesbian Atheist who misses her right-wing Dad.
He actually told you you should be worried? I’d just quote 2 Timothy 1:7. I’d also point out that Jesus hung out with “tax collectors and sinners.”
I’d also tell him that you are straight, and you know in your heart (or “know that you know that you know”) that nobody can convert you. I think it’s worth it just to try and get someone you love not to be worried about you.
You might also mention that someone needs to get the holy word to the sinners, and by hanging out with them, you provide them a much-needed more righteous role model.