SM, I will add your mom to my prayer list.
In addition to the other advice I’ve seen, let me add to take care of yourself. Eat well and get some sleep. It will help you bear up during what you’re going through.
I am truly saddened that you are facing this horrible situation at such a young age. Your mom definitely has a lot to be proud of for having raised you to be able to face this crisis with maturity and strength. My very best wishes to all of you.
Well, her youngest sister was out within a matter of hours and spent the night with her last night. Her other two sisters (one older and one younger) made it out this morning, and we spent the whole day in the hospital.
There was no will written, but the oncologist social worker knew a lawyer personally, and within 6 hours he was on the phone, spoke to my mother, wrote up the necessary documents, got to the hospital, ran through them with us and got my mom to sign them before they put her back on morphine.
Just knowing that her estate is now in order, and that my brother and I will be able to keep my sister in this house is a HUGE load off my shoulders. Now we’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop, which of course will be the most nerve racking part.
I go to Drexel, and they do an online broadcast of the ceremony as it happens, so my mom will be able to watch from my brother’s laptop which has a wireless connection.
I’m really amazed how well I’m handling this overall. Basically, as a chronic worrier, I’ve learned over the years that nothing is ever as bad as I’m capable of imagining it might be.
And even with all the stress that I put on myself when I’m alone with my thoughts (I think my posting history will stand as evidence of that…), the last three days have shown that when it comes to crunch time I’m an extremely calm, level-headed individual.
There’s still a lot to do. Funeral homes to call and ask for pricing, a priest to contact, and my dad’s side of the family to tell. I’ll need to make it clear to them that he won’t be welcome at the funeral.
She’ll be moved into hospice sometime over the weekend, and the rooms there are very nice. Plus my aunts will be in the area until it’s all over, and they assured us that they will cover any funeral and lawyer fees.
Now I just have to dig through these piles of mail for the mortgage bill so I can get that paid…
I am so very sad for all three of you. I hope her passing is peaceful and pain free.
Whenever you get a chance, listen to “Good-bye to My Mama” on the Prairie Home Companion soundtrack. It’s a tribute to a woman who worked hard all her life to provide for her children. Your post made me think of it.
Soapbox Monkey, I’m sorry for your struggle. I wish you and your mom lots of smiles and good memories.
I’m very sorry.
One of the most frightening things about being a parent was the realization that I had committed to staying alive until my children were independent. This was driven home last year when my sister had breast cancer (she is now cancer free) with a husband who is older and not in the best of health, and two very small children. Of course, I can’t commit to staying alive until my kids are grown, it doesn’t work that way - and it frightens me that one of the most important things I have to do is one I have no control over.
I’m glad for your mother’s sake that you turned out so well that she can let go without worries - of course, she’ll still have the worries, but with level headed kids, it will be so much easier on her.
You have my sympathies, Soapbox Monkey. So do your sister and brother. You’re in my thoughts.
Your mom sounds like a strong and very loving person.
I’m sorry for your pain. I lost my mom 10 years ago today. As sad as it was, I felt fortunate to have nothing but good memories to get me through it. It sounds like you and your siblings will have the same kind of good memories to treasure.
Peace.
Peace and strength to you and yours. You mother sounds like a remarkable woman who has prepared her children well for life.
I’m so sorry for your impending loss.
There’s so much beauty, grace and strength in what you’ve written. Thank you for sharing.
SoapBox Monkey, you and your family are in my thoughts.
Years ago, I worked in home nursing; I clearly remember one of my patients, Mrs. V. They were a wealthy family. Mrs. V and her hubby drove his and hers Cadillacs with personalized license plates. They had one of those high-end refrigerators that dispensed not only water and ice, but juice as well.
Mrs V. was 43 years old; her daughter was 17 and had just returned from a Senior year trip to Europe; their son was 7. And I can clearly remember thinking “They have all this money, but what does it really mean? It can’t keep the children from losing their mother”.
I’m glad you were able to settle financial matters because, yes, consistency is so important right now, for all of you. But the situation still sucks terribly, and you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Wishing you strength and courage through this heartbreaking time. I, too, lost my mother to terminal cancer when I was in my 20s, so I know the pain and numbness you’re feeling. This will be the hardest thing you’ve ever been through, but you will come out on the other side of the sadness with warm memories and pride in living the life your mother set in motion for you.
Blessings to you and yours.
I know there’s nothing I can say to make it better. I guess sometimes you just feel like shouting out.
You were heard.
-----I am so sorry for your pain and loss.
Thanks for all of your kind words everyone.
I was able to visit my mom in the hospital in full cap and gown so that my mom could see me and we got some pictures together. And then she got to see me cross the stage on the broadband broadcast of my graduation.
There’s something very…poetic about losing such a big piece of myself while at the same time going through commencement and preparing to start my adult life.
Then afterwards I went back to the hospital so that she could see my degree, because she rightly deserves just as much credit for it as I do. I needed her to see it and so that I could tell her that it simply would not have been possible without her.
And now I’m sitting here, only a little more than 48 hours after I started this thread, but it feels like that was at least a week ago. This has been the longest two days of my life, and I’m thoroughly exhausted, mentally, emotional and physically.
Fortunately I have three weeks before I start my job, so from now until then, my only job is to be there for my mom, and go around tying up all the necessary loose ends.
This is why we keep saying you need to take care of yourself. These sorts of events are horribly, horribly exhausting and a lot of it is emotional exhaustion. You need extra rest. Naps are your friend. Try to eat even healthier than you usually do. I know it’s hard, all of us who have done the bedside vigil for whatever reason know it’s hard, but keep reminding yourself that if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be able to take care of anyone else.
If you need help, ask for it. If you start having trouble sleeping or dealing with the emotions get some help. If you feel ill yourself don’t hesitate to see a doctor. You may not need any of the above, I hope you don’t, but right now it’s very important to keep little problems from becoming bigger - you already have enough to deal with.
{{{Soapbox Monkey}}}
It is so awesome that she got to see you up close and personal with your cap and gown (AND degree!) and, well, gotta love the technology that allowed her to watch it in real time, albeit from afar.
I’m sure she’s very proud of you and your accomplishments, as she should be. You’re quite a guy Soapbox Monkey!
This is so beautiful. Here I am a full grown man with tears in my eyes. You are so right, she deserved to see you in person in full cap and gown and to see the degree. Just. Beautiful.
Oh, and Soapbox Monkey just to repeat what so many others have said, please remember to take care of yourself. We’re here for you.
My prayers are with you. I sense that you’ve a lot of your mom’s strength. What a wonderful legacy!
Please consider getting together w/your mom & siblings & putting together a family history. The result will be a treasure for generations to come.
Love, Phil