This one immediately jumped out at me:
:eek:
This woman has (at the least) a history of horrible taste in men and/or completely unrealistic expectations of them.
Maybe you’ll turn out to be the One True Exception and will live happily ever after, but after hearing that stuff about the “string of abusive men” I’d be backing away.
This is very good advice. (And it sounds like you really need some good advice.)
Well, yeah…
But since you can’t say it directly…you do need to have some serious conversations with them, and quietly ask: "hey, guys: how often do you see your mother? What’s Christmas eve like every year–a warm and loving famly, or a scene from a bad TV show? Does she babysit your kids/and offer to help you, or does she nag you and ask you to help her? Does she depend on you financially? Did she ever hit you physically when you were kids? etc
I got that “you’re the first nice guy, my last ex-husband was horrible to me” bit too.
Then I became the convenient monster for her paranoia and willful martyrdom. Didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, she was happy to make up brutal stories about me for the sympathy of others.
A random red flag story.
During my long time with the now EX I NEVER heard any good stories about her departed mother. To be honest, she sounded like a nasty old bitch to put it simply.
Eventually, that is what my EX became…a crabby, arguementative, stupid, drama queen of a bitch.
Near the end…I went :smack:…like mother like daughter…why didn’t I see this before.
Right. One option is that she hooks up with abusive men all the time. Another option is that she hooks up with normal guys and makes up stories about how abusive they were.
Another option is she just hooks up with any guy that shows interest in her. Then finds out later some of them are buttholes.
Yes because every daughter turns into her mother. :rolleyes:
Karpman’s Drama Triangle strikes again!
Yeah, I got caught in one of those once; every other man in her life had been the oppressive bully, and I was the first man she’d met who wasn’t like all the others - at least, until she kept trying to manipulate me into being the bad guy. I got out, but it was a close thing.
This is sounding more and more like an Algebra wife.
One where you’re going to see the X and wonder Y.
:rolleyes:
I never noticed I put an “every” in that post. Thanks for pointing it out.
:rolleyes:
It’s quite possible for a normal woman to inadvertently end up with a perverted narcisisstic cunt.
Obviously I’m not saying that is the case in this instance.
I got married way too fast the first time around. We were both huddling together for warmth as the wolves bayed in the night. It was great, until it wasn’t. Then it really sucked. The best thing was that we never had kids
The stupid part is that before the marriage I was aware that I shouldn’t, but the momentum of it all kept us going.
I don’t see anything which demonstrates a need for speed on the marriage. It’s so much easier to tell people you got a littler carried away than to go through a divorce.
Heh. I’m not used to men being referred to as c***s, so I read this literally as about her own vagina and was 
It’s a term of endearment for blokes over her in Blighty. Well, usually…
I wouldn’t dream of calling a woman that word, it would be Ungentlemanly Conduct.
Anyone else concerned that the OP hasn’t posted since the morning of 2/11?
Sorry, been busy, and been thinking.
I don’t want to pile on, but I would feel bad if you end up like me and I didn’t say anything. The red flags are just crazy here from both sides. I didn’t want to be alone either, so I ignored them in my own situation. Also, I know plenty of Christians who co-habitate. Maybe your church is a very conservative one. I don’t know. My mother’s husband is in a church band, and I’m pretty sure he moved in with her several months before they got married. That reason sounds like something out of the 1950s to me, even for devout Christians. OK, maybe 1980s, since that’s when I was a kid and a do recall some sort social opposition to unmarried couples (but mostly only ones with kids) back then. I didn’t think it was a thing these days outside of maybe Duggar level religious types.
Depends what you mean by “a thing”. I doubt the guidelines of the church have changed (I know they haven’t for Catholics), and sex outside of marriage is still considered sinful.
Okay, so here I am weighing in. While I hope everything works out for the OP, like others in this thread I too got the “you’re the first nice guy, my last ex-husband [or boyfriend] was horrible to me” treatment. Without exception, they turned out to be mentally unbalanced, and later on I was able to work out their previous relationships’ problems probably fell on their shoulders, at least to a large extent. One – the literally crazy nurse I’ve mentioned on the Board before – seemed to be goading me into hitting her. Which I never did, which in turn seemed seemed to provide ammunition about my “not being a real man.” I don’t even want to think about if we’d gotten married.
Two months’ acquaintance is not long enough for marriage. Sure, some people pull it off including some in this thread. But those are rare exceptions. For two-month acquaintances, what would you think the ratio of disastrous marriages to successful ones is? It’s like marrying bargirls in Thailand – sure, it works out occasionally, but the vast majority are horror stories. I knew my wife almost three years before we were married, and we had been a couple for two years. I’d say at least a year – maybe six months in some cases, but in general a year – is best before talking marriage.
EDIT: Just remembered I was seeing a lady one time who had kept her wedding dress. She had a lot of gay friends and liked to wear it to gay bars. (We never discussed marriage. That was more of a casual fling.)
When she and I met, I was in the depth of poverty. I was reduced to asking my church to help me pay my rent.
And she still fell in love with me.
While speaking with the people who know me, she said, “I know his patterns.”
Red is my favorite color.
She was legitimately ill/and-or suffering from PTSD-influenced inability to sleep.
She rescued me from the major depression I had been in since getting fired from a job I loved.
Erg. Yes, I know that what I type drunk remains. What I meant was that, when I speak completely sober, I may as well be drunk because “stupid” comes out of my mouth. I’m really bad at unexpected conversation.
[/QUOTE]
Yes, yes I did.
Well, what the SD reamed me a new asshole when I showed up in 2003, and I hopefully think I’ve wised up since then.
I have no response to this. I have no idea what this means.
ANYway …
I took everybody’s comments to heart … and I’ve also spent my time with this woman.
And so …
We purchased our marriage license on March 1.
Gonna happen.