Sounds like you handled it well! She should know better than to bring that shit into the house. That was pretty dumb. I would be onboard with mom removing privileges.
You could maybe link her to some news stories about young people getting criminal records over possession of small amounts, or SWAT teams busting down doors. Even though weed is, in reality, trivial shit–it still ruins lives.
FWIW I think the most important thing is that you and your ex respect each other enough to come to a clear consensus among yourselves about how you handle it. I think whether you both agree that it’s really bad or you both agree that it’s only a minor thing.
Do you have any pot smoking friends? The kind who love in dingy apartments and subsist off frozen pizza? Take her there to visit, and after, tell her that pot makes you lazy and while the occasional joint at a party won’t ruin her life, regular smoking will sap her potential.
It sounds like good advise, but it might have sort of a “Reefer madness” level of credibility if there are high achieving potheads in her school. I went to a high ranking competitive high school and the valedictorian was a complete pothead, and so were a large number of the honor students; and when I visited my sister at her fancy pants university, same thing.
Just out of curiosity are you taking about having sex in dingy apartments?
LOL. That’s what I get for posting by phone.
This might work better if it comes from a non-parent adult the kid trusts. And yeah, lots of people manage to smoke and achieve. But if your life becomes organized around smoking, it’s a lot less likely.
Isn’t that what he’s doing? As for her doing it alone, could it have been because she thought there’d be less chance of being busted? IE: No friends to rat her out or a peer pressure sort if situation that might escalate to other things she’s really not interested in trying? Does it have to mean something bad?
What would worry me about my kid smoking pot (currently not an issue as the only drug he consumes currently is amniotic fluid) is a) it’s illegal and you can end up in a lot of trouble if you get stopped for something else, and b) I don’t want my kid knowing some sketchy-ass drug dealer. I don’t want him going to some flophouse and hanging out with some guy who also deals in other stuff, and I don’t want him hanging out with the people who hang out there either.
Where does a 16 year old get her own personal bong if she’s just trying out drugs out of curiosity? And 16 year olds don’t typically go to the bathroom without their friends, let alone experiment with drugs.
Leaffan, I think you are doing your daughter a grave disservice if you don’t explore the very likely possibility that this is not an isolated incident, but that rather she’s been smoking pot daily for an extended period of time and that has simply become her “normal”. Which doesn’t mean you or anyone needs to flip out and get mad at her, but it does mean that you’ve got a serious situation that needs to be addressed. It likely means you have a desperately unhappy or depressed kid who is basically steadily indulging in the absolute easiest of transient pleasures because she doesn’t have anything else at all to pull her away from that. This could well be a serious crisis moment in your daughter’s life and if you chose to ignore it because you’d rather believe this was a one-time incident, you may regret it later.
Hey, I was just wondering. I don’t have kids, so that’s why I asked. However, I do have friends (and was once a teenager myself) and we’d all tried things alone sometimes first, so that we wouldn’t get in trouble by group association or narcing. If that’s so far out if the realm of possibility here so as not to be the case, I withdraw my silly observation. Sorry, Leaffan and I hope all this works out for you and your daughter.
For a couple years in my late teens, behind my parents’ back, I dated a small time weed dealer. Something I’m not proud of and oh so glad my life veered clear of the path I could have gone down. (I recently found 3 different mug shots of him in an orange jumpsuit online 30 years later, crimes like purse snatching, robbery, assult and he looks like a total junkie too… Whew! Dodged that bullet!).
The thing is that even if that person isn’t sketchy, and their customers aren’t sketchy, and it seems all clean and safe and innocent fun, you never know who’s going to tell a sketchy person where a dealer lives. Then one night you’re hanging out in his apartment eating pizza, drinking Diet Cokes and watching The Cosby Show and a sketchy person none of you have met or ever heard of before and 5 of his sketchy looking buddies walk in unannounced without knocking, demanding a big sale. This really happened to me. Scared the crap out of us all. He moved after that.
But I was always in danger of arrest just for being in his apartment or riding in his truck, even though I never bought, sold, or had any in my possession. I just got extremely lucky. Today, I wouldn’t know where to buy some if my life depended on it, and I live in a major U S city. The gateway drug thing isn’t even the point. It’s that illegal things bring you closer to other illegal things and people. And many of them are worse than the original illegal thing you wanted to do.
When you and I were kids this was the reality. I seriously beg you to offer me proof that anyone in Ontario has been charged with possession of a small personal amount of marijuana in the last say 5 years, possibly even 10 or 15 years for that matter. I don’t think you’ll be able to fine one case, and if you do I’ll eat crow.
It was homemade, by her, using water bottles and tin foil. She found the directions on the Internet.
Did I say this was an isolated incident? She admitted to trying it a few times. She is a good kid, a good student, is kind to animals and strangers and stays out of trouble.
That’s why I’m not the freaking out parent. I know what pot smells like (obviously) and I know what stoned looks like. I’ve never encountered either and she stays with me every weekend.
She says she bought it from a kid at school. Really, it’s very pervasive in today’s society, especially with teenagers and young adults. You don’t need to know a sketchy drug dealer.
ETA: I could get some tomorrow if I made a couple of text messages. A lot of my friends indulge (50ish years old). I don’t for my own personal reasons. There’s no random drug testing in Canada and like I mentioned, you’re not going to get charged with anything if you have a small personal amount on you.
In many ways, I think it’s almost preferable to tell your daughter that if she’s going to smoke pot, do it in the house.
The real risk of smoking is that she gets busted out with her friends and will forever have a drug arrest on her record.
Do you people even read threads?
Mando Jo, I don’t think you understand how pot works. Comparing pot to alcohol is like comparing apples to oranges.
I suspect my oldest did it when he was about 15. I could tell when he was stoned because everything was funny to him and he WOULD NOT SHUT UP! Boy that kid sure does gab it up when he’s high.
I never made much of an issue out of it because he kept up his grades and upheld his responsibilities. My biggest advice to him was do that shit indoors (not my house, but indoors) and don’t carry it around with you everywhere you go.
I could never get him to admit that he smoked though. He won’t even admit it to me now as an adult.
Leffan, what you don’t mention is if your daughter is a good kid, does well in school, etc.? I think that’s a different program than a lazy, c student on track for a career in the fast food industry.
I started smoking pot at 13 and practically gave it up *before *I went to University. I smoked weed 3-4 times in university, probably 10 times since I was 17 and the 80’s was the last time I had any. I’m going to face that with my 14 year old probably at some point. I don’t lie about my background but use it as a teaching moment.
I think you’re handling it well. Especially giving a counterpoint to your ex.
Good on ya, Leaffan. You handled it just fine.
Like others said, I’d address the issues of legality with her and of who she might be associating with. It may be true that small amounts are indeed swept under the rug, but she still needs to be careful and never get into a situation where she has more than a small amount on her.
Ok smartass. Your daughter is distraught over your inability to reconcile your marriage with her mother, and is coping through the use of cannabis.
It’s all your fault. Her life is ruined because of you. Your lack of relationship skills has set her on a path to addiction, promiscuous sex, and unhealthy relationships that errantly strive to create what you failed to provide for her.
Have a fan-fucking-tastic day.
And keep her away from your friends that smoke pot and are successful!!! That will send the wrong message!
:rolleyes: Some people are stuck with 1980 stereotypes.