Reminds me of the old joke…
A knock on the pope’s door…
Your Holiness, I have good news and bad.
What is it my son…
It’s Jesus, he’s returned.
Well then how can there be any bad news my son?
But Your Holiness, he’s in Salt Lake City…
No, just Annie-Xmas, apparently. Probably something to do with that whole, “taking the ‘Christ’ out of ‘Christmas’” thing.
Same as ever : Soon ™.
2012
What makes you think I’m not here already?
A cardinal rushes into the Pope’s office and says, “Holy Father! I’ve got good news and bad news! Christ has come again!”
“What?! Glory to God! We’ve been waiting 2,000 years! How could that possibly be bad news?!”
“The call came in from Salt Lake City.”
So, that was the Second Coming then, huh?
My favorite Lenny Bruce routine about Christ (paraphrased):
They say we Jews killed Christ.
And I admit it. They’re right. We did.
And if he tries to come back, we’ll kill him again.
He’s actually taking out local boy bands, thank GOD!
Unfortunately he got cancer a few centuries back. He’s on chemo now, and feeling better.
Lord. Some woman named Agee has been giving out dates for 12 years now. Her published book said May 31, 1998. Apparently, she was wrong and has a website and keeps finding a new date, sometimes two, each year,
The latest is Oct. 25th.
M.J. Agee
Jesus just left Chicago and he’s bound for New Orleans
Yeah yeah
I say, we give him another fifteen minutes, and then start without him.
OK, an altar boy walks into the sanctuary and he sees Jesus kneeling at the altar.
He runs into the priest’s office. “Father! Our Savior is here, in our church, praying!”
He pulls the priest into the sanctuary. Jesus is still at the altar, his head down.
“What should we do, Father?”
“Look busy!”
Man, I get blamed for everything
The three men I admire most,
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.
Probably just before Cthulhu awakens.
I heard a version that said “Sure we killed Christ. He didn’t want to become a doctor.”
And a less funny version about it happening in a basement during a party.
I think the real problem is that he owes Chris Rock twelve bucks.
Jesus already came back. In fact I know where he is. Its a mental ward in Atlanta, Georgia. With all that 'love your neighbor," “feed the poor,” and “forgive your enemies,” stuff, the good citizens of Atlanta figured he was a raving looney, and had him put away for his own good. He did get lucky though, he found one Apostle with 12 personalities.