Well, he said he’d be straight back. (At least that’s how the first Christians figured it who believed his Kingdom would come in their lifetime).
It’s taking longer than he thought.
He did come back. About a week after he first died. Then he died again. It’s all done.
When a prophecy goes unfulfilled past its expiry date, it means it’s false. Jesus did not come back in a human generation. The prophecy was wrong. It’s up to us to be our own saviors (in the Jewish, social, this-world sense), not to look back to Jesus to be more than he could be.
My favorite Jews-killed-Jesus joke is from Bill Hicks:
He will bring with him the first copy of Duke Nukem Forever.
And Mr. Hicks explains why Jesus hasn’t come back yet better than anyone. It’s simple:
[QUOTE=Hicks]
“A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back, he’s really going to want to see a fucking cross? Ow! Maybe that’s why he hasn’t shown up yet…it’s like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant…just thinking of John…”
[/QUOTE]
At a different performance he adds:
“When the fuck is Jesus coming back?” Judging by the vanity of Christians (and humans in general) the answer is apparently “never”.
Apparently the entire universe took a week to finalize, which has been fanwanked by modern readers to mean a day is several billion years. I wouldn’t hold your breath.
I hope someone’s tossing this biscuit in the trash when you’re all done with it. :dubious:
Well, he’s been on a sandwich or two, a dog’s ass, a Cheeto…
Ya ain’t looking hard enough, Annie! 
:eek: Jesus is coming back next February!
You left out Shane.
SHAAAAAAAAANNNNE!!
May 33rd.
**So when the fuck is this Jesus dude coming back, already? **
He was almost ready to return to work when HR told him that he must use up all his accrued sick leave and vacation time before the Second Coming, or lose it.
So it’s going to be awhile.
He’s already came back but the FBI killed him in Waco, TX.
Nah, this time it would be the right-wingers. Since he (unlike oh say Messers Limbaugh or Hannity) won’t be telling them what they want to hear, they’d be first in line with the whips, boards, and nails once it becomes clear that he’s not on their side.
[QUOTE=Morgenstern]
Reminds me of the old joke…
A knock on the pope’s door…
Your Holiness, I have good news and bad.
What is it my son…
It’s Jesus, he’s returned.
Well then how can there be any bad news my son?
But Your Holiness, he’s in Salt Lake City…
[/QUOTE]
I think that would be Palmyra, New York.
But the fat one balances the two skinny ones!
Jesus is alive and well. I know this because back in the 80’s he sent my father a letter announcing God’s plan to throw all the fallen angels down a black hole.
He’s very crafty. To avoid detection he changed his name to Nunziati.
I asked Jesus this very question once.
He looked at me and said
[QUOTE=Jesus]
As soon as I can play the fucking piano again!
[/Quote]
I’m just making that up.
Actually he came back in the 50’s with his angel Gort.
If they read their Bible they would see in Matthew 16; Jesus is quoted as saying he was going to return in his father’s glory with all his angels,and he would reward every man according to his work, and some of the ones standing there listening to him would not see death until it happened. So it should have happened 2,000 years ago,but apparently didn’t or wasn’t recorded.
This is contrary to the book of Revalations, so one or the other must be wrong!