So when the fuck is this Jesus dude coming back, already?

[Morgenstern]

When he comes, do you really think he’ll get through customs with a 2000 year old passport and no last name?

[Noone_Special]

In a five-minute search, I found two Joshua Bar-Joseph in the Israeli phone company’s on-line database, so I imagine a bit of Identity Theft wouldn’t be beyond His ability

Now getting a visa to the US, that might be a bit more of a problem… But no problem making it to Rome!

[Boyo_Jim]

Jesus, the ultimate anchor baby.

[Asympotically_fat]

@EvilTOJ

He will bring with him the first copy of Duke Nukem Forever.

Haha! I was going to say pretty much exactly the same thing!

[adhay]

@Malthus

@Annie-Xmas

Happened again this morning–someone handed me a tract and talked about Jesus “coming back.”

I’ve been hearing about Jesus “coming back” for the past fifty years. WTF is he getting here?

He’s here.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/978697/the_big_lebowski_jesus_quintana/

Jesus? I’m thinking Iron Man 2.

I could settle on Lebowski, His Dudeness.

Basically, He insists that we all relax.

[MeanOldLady]

@Morgenstern

When he comes, do you really think he’ll get through customs with a 2000 year old passport and no last name?

I thought his last name was Christ. It’s the middle name we’re uncertain of. All we know is his middle initial is H.

[Der_Trihs]

@Morgenstern

When he comes, do you really think he’ll get through customs with a 2000 year old passport and no last name?

It’s tough for Customs to intercept a guy who can walk on water. Besides, he can probably do the Jedi thing:
*
<waves hand>*

“This isn’t the Messiah you’re looking for.”

[ElvisL1ves]

Jesus don’t need no security line bullsheet. Jesus can resurrect anywhere Jesus wants to.

[anya_marie]

I saw him last on the cover of a magazine, but i recycled the magazine, bye Jesus!

[Boyo_Jim]

@anya_marie

I saw him last on the cover of a magazine, but i recycled the magazine, bye Jesus!

If it was Rolling Stone, you probably saw one of those ZZ Top guys.

[Noone_Special]

@MeanOldLady

@Morgenstern

When he comes, do you really think he’ll get through customs with a 2000 year old passport and no last name?

I thought his last name was Christ. It’s the middle name we’re uncertain of. All we know is his middle initial is H.

Haploid?

[Morgenstern]

@Boyo_Jim

@anya_marie

I saw him last on the cover of a magazine, but i recycled the magazine, bye Jesus!

If it was Rolling Stone, you probably saw one of those ZZ Top guys.

Or Willie Nelson.

Edit: Did Jesus like country music?

[Czarcasm]

@Noone_Special

@MeanOldLady

I thought his last name was Christ. It’s the middle name we’re uncertain of. All we know is his middle initial is H.

Haploid?

Hallmark.

[Ann_Onimous]

@GuanoLad

He did come back. About a week after he first died. Then he died again. It’s all done.

Other than the dying again (actually, He ascended into Heaven) YOU TOOK MY ANSWER!

[Sunspace]

@pope_hentai

“hey god, why don’t you go back to visit earth?”

Are you kidding, i visited once 2000 years ago, wound up knocking up some broad, and they STILL talk about it!

That’s Zeus.

[Find_Friends]

@Sunspace

@pope_hentai

“hey god, why don’t you go back to visit earth?”

Are you kidding, i visited once 2000 years ago, wound up knocking up some broad, and they STILL talk about it!

That’s Zeus.

Hmmm… Jesus… Zeus… You don’t suppose…?

[Bosstone]

@Trans Fat Og

@Sunspace

That’s Zeus.

Hmmm… Jesus… Zeus… You don’t suppose…?

Zeus: Why you keep calling me Jésus? I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane: Guy back there called you Jésus.
Zeus: He didn’t say Jésus. He said, “Hey, Zeus!” My name is Zeus.
John McClane: Zeus?
Zeus: Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don’t fuck with me or I’ll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?
John McClane: No, I don’t have a problem with that.

[Find_Friends]

@Der_Trihs

@BubbaDog

[knopfler] Two men say they’re Jesus; one of them must be wrong [/knopfler]

Or Borg.

“WHY DO YOU RESIST? WE ONLY WISH TO IMPROVE THE HOLINESS OF ALL PEOPLE. YOU WILL ALL BECOME ONE…WITH THE LORD.” - Jesus of Borg

@Der_Trihs

Look, it’s simple. He canonically came back from the dead; that makes him some sort of undead. Given his coherence, apparently as a vampire and not a zombie…

Are you sure that zombie isn’t a better fit?

SOOOOOOOOOULS!

[monavis]

@Ann_Onimous

@GuanoLad

He did come back. About a week after he first died. Then he died again. It’s all done.

Other than the dying again (actually, He ascended into Heaven) YOU TOOK MY ANSWER!

When He came back from the dead(according to the NT) He didn’t come in His father’s glory with his angels etc. as described in Matthew,and there are no 2,000+ people living today. So that would have to mean He was coming in His father’s glory durning the first century,at best!!

[Stan_Shmenge]

He has been here for some time now, and even has a syndicated radio show.