Wow, I’m shocked. Not that I should be, I’ve kinda suspected for years. But it was still a shock to hear him say it.
“I’m gay.”
Most of his friends, as he told me, already know. Today is his birthday (he’s a young adult in his first professional job), and he had decided it was time to tell me, Mom and Dad. I’m very glad my parents seem to be taking it OK. I’ve worried previously - IF it’s true, would they be ok with it? Would they say hurtful things? Would they try to “change” his mind? Mom is extremely Catholic; Dad (as he gets older) is kinda gravitating towards elements of an Archie Bunker personality. As it turns out (and I’ve spoken with Mom, Dad and Brother tonight) the parents handled it admirably. No judgment. No anger. A few awkward comments (but done out of love) from my mother - “Please, get tested for HIV” and “The Catholic Church doesn’t hate gays! It welcomes them!”
The HIV and Catholic parts kinda got a :rolleyes: from me and no doubt from my brother. I did tell him three things:
1) Ah, that’s cool. I kinda suspected for years. Doesn’t change a thing between us.
Now cue some GameHat tears:
2) “I am so, so sorry about how I used to tease you. It was cruel; you must have felt terrible. I’ve felt terrible about it for years (since I thought you might be actually gay). Nothing can excuse it. I’m just so sorry.”
Like I said, I kinda always knew. And when we were kids, I was merciless and cruel. Lots of epithets thrown. “Fag”. “Homo”. “Queer”. I remember one time he was working on grammar for English I jumped in - “Here’s a compound sentence for you - ‘[GameHat’s brother] wore his black pumps and carried a smart black purse.’”
I still hate myself for this.
When I told him this tonight, he shrugged it off. “It’s cool, I’ve heard it all.” I still worry. As an adult - he’s my brother. I love him. I just want him to be happy. I hate myself for making his young life unhappy. God, I hope he really is cool with it. I remember being teased (about different stuff - appearance, clothing, interests) when I was at the age he was when I was the worst - I still remember all of that, and it was traumatizing. God, I would have hated to have me as a brother back then.
3) “Don’t give up on religion”
My brother and I were both brought up Catholic. I have plenty of my own beefs with the Catholic church. I’m sure my brother his a great big glaring one now; he didn’t want to talk about it tonight. I don’t want to debate in this thread; I’ll be happy to talk about it GD. But leave debates on religion/Catholicism out of this post, SVP. Let’s just say we’ve both been away from the Catholic church for a few years now.
I’ve gone to other churches since then. No church is perfect, as no human is perfect, and any group of humans is simply prone to corruption. But I do believe in Christianity. I’m certainly a pretty poor believer, but as bad as I am, I still believe.
I just asked him not to give up on belief. I’m sure he’s bitter on religion. I hope (and pray) he doesn’t give up on God. Not that I think his being gay is any sort of barrier to religion or salvation. I just don’t want him to think that.
Anyways, it’s late, I’m drunk and rambling. I love my brother; I’m happy he doesn’t have to hide part of himself anymore from me and the rest of our family; I hope he finds a nice guy to be with for the rest of his life. I’m still a bit shocked, but that’s my problem, not his.
//The Grandparents are going to hate this. I PRAY they will show some compassion. I’m dreading Easter. But if it comes down to it, I’ll side with my brother over them. He’s my brother, God damn it. I’m with and behind him for life.
so it was no surprise that she’s very well-adjusted. She came out into practically the perfect, most supportive environment. She married her wife in December '08 in a lovely non-legal ceremony.