So you gave birth to my husband. You still suck.

The BBQ Pit
1

It may be wrong. It may be immature. It may be hateful.

But I want my mother-in-law to get mugged.

I want her to contract a rare disease that isn’t deadly but will make her miserable for 6-12 weeks.

I want her to catch a stomach flu.

I want her to fall for a Nigerian spam scam.

I want her to spill acid on her clothing so that she ends up wandering naked in a public place.

Why do I want these things to happen to her? Because she sucks.

To be more precise, she is mentally and emotionally abusive to my husband. She calls him worthless. She says he’s cruel or ungrateful if he never calls, and if he calls she screams at him. She says that his attempts to stop smoking (successful) and stop eating junk (semi-successful) are just signs he’s a “brat.” (No matter that the man had a heart attack at age 33 and was diagnosed with diabetes at that time.)

Then come the merely annoying things:

She’s deaf but refuses to have her hearing tested, prefering to shout at the top of her lungs.

She got new carpet in her house. White. If anyone walks on the carpet they are reprimanded. She has laid paths made of bath mats on the carpet. You may not stray from the bath path!

You also may not touch the stove, as it may leave streaks.

You may not use dishes. There are paper plates. You must use the paper plates for everything, including chili or ice cream.

You may not turn the TV down from its highest volume setting.

Anything you say will be repeated, endlessly, to anyone who calls. So will your attire, what you eat, and how many times you’ve used the bathroom.

Requests that she not smoke in your house and/or car will be ignored.

Racist jokes will be told in your presence. Racist epithets will be defended and used deliberately to bait you.

You will be interrogated about the activities of your husband, including why he didn’t call and what he has said about her.

You will refuse.

Your husband will be told that you are a bitch.

There is more, but if you continue to think about it your head will explode.

I know I don’t have the world’s worst in-laws, but sometimes it feels like it.

Julie

2

Good lord! I thought my mother in law was bad!

Mine’s just a whiney, immature girl who will do anything to get me to like her except leave me the hell alone.

3

Wow. Tell me again WHY in the world you or your husband WANT to be around this bitch? Man.

My mother-in-law annoys the hell out of me on a regular basis but damned if I would put up with this behavior you have described.

Set some rules for her when she visits your home. If she can’t follow them then tell her she isn’t welcome. Will your husband back you on this or does he bow to mother’s iron will?

You have my sympathy.

4

My husband dislikes his mother, probably more than I do. We only visit on very rare occasions to see my husband’s grandmother who lives there.

His mother isn’t welcome in our house any longer.

And, fortunately, she lives in Kentucky and we’re in Ohio. Whew!

But we visited last week, and I’m still seething.

Julie

5

I would obey the rules at her house, however stupid. I would then expect her to obey the rules at my house/in my car, and she would quickly be evicted from either space for ignoring them.

“Mrs. XXX, we don’t allow smoking or racial epithets in our car/house. If you must you can do either outside.” Feel free to pull over on the highway and boot her out, like you would any other unruly passenger that is endangering your ability to drive.

And see if you can get grandma to come visit you, is she able to fly? Could you gift her with plane tickets for a special visit?

6

Oh thank you. You gave me another chapter to add to my list of horrible mother-in-law stories.

You see, my MIL isn’t that great. In fact, she kind of stinks in a lot of ways. Around the time of our wedding, when her worst qualities were really most apparent, my father kept responding to my mother’s and my complaints by saying “she could be worse,” and pointing out some of the ways that she could be worse. Of course that was incredibly annoying at the time, but I kind of took it to heart.

Now, 5 years later, I have a much greater appreciation for my MIL. Part of the reason for this is that my husband and I have learned to avoid dealing with her in the situations where she might be at her most annoying. But the other part is because I’ve spent 5 years telling myself “she could be worse.”

Part of my “she could be worse” campaign has been to seek out horrible mother-in-law stories and to even share some of them with her. That sounds awful, but it’s good for our relationship. It allows me to show appreciation for her, albeit in a backhanded way. And she loves a good story in any case. Also, as part of thinking of all the ways that she could be worse, it allowed me to identify the things that I DO like about her, and try to spend time with her in ways that emphasize those aspects. (I also called my father a few months ago and told him that his annoying advice really did help in the end, and thanked him very much. I don’t show my appreciation for him often enough, so I’m glad I did that.)

I’m not suggesting that this approach will be successful for you, but I did want to share some good news about a MIL relationship that’s actually gotten better over the years. It seems so rare!

7

The thing about not using plates and the abusiveness/racism sound like the behaviour of a mentally ill person. Is it possible that she has an undiagnosed condition/drinking problem/Alzheimer’s?

Really, behaviour like that is so over-the-top that chalking it up to being a shrewish bitch feels like a stretch to me (IMHO, YMMV).

8

If she were smoking in my house where it was not permitted (wtf is she using as an ashtray? the couch?) I’d grab every one of those cancer sticks and stub them out, flush em down the disposal. If she doesn’t have a whole carton with her, she’ll have to run out eventually.

9

My mother-in law is fine.

My wife’s mother-in-law is a major pain in the ass!

10

Yeah, your MIL is a psycho hose-beast. I recommend a lifetime Rx of lithium for Christmas.

11

That’s pure brilliance. It’s a good thing you have that sense of humour!

If she doesn’t want to obey your rules when she visits (no smoking, no racism, etc), tell her to stay in a hotel and arrange for her own transportation. As long as she is in your house, it’s only right to behave the way everyone else in your house does.

When you are unfortunate enough to visit her, wear outrageous outfits, spend disproportionate amounts of time in the bathroom, eat off the paper plates and don’t, erm…stray from the bath path!

If that doesn’t work, you can always call her a

(Hose-beast…so funny.)

12

Actually, you might - you’re definately a contender anyway.

I’m going to give the opposite advice as Mercury. It’s probably not good advice, but it’ll make you feel better dreaming about following it.

If she won’t follow your rules at your house (smoking/racial slurs), don’t follow hers.

First, make sure to walk through some dirt before you come in the house. Disdain to use the bath-path. In fact, studiously avoid the bath-path, and explain that you don’t want to get all her nice bath mats dirty.

Go into the kitchen. Put something like chili in a big bowl. Microwave it for about 30 minutes so it will never come off again. In the meantime, turn her TV down, and throw the remote away. If the phone rings, tell whoever is on the other end all the things your MIL has been saying, and make fun of her clothes. Tell them she can’t come to the phone, because she has a case of the explosive shits.

Then as you’re leaving, pretend you can’t hear a word she says.

13

Good GOD no wonder why. Does the grandmother drive the MIL nuts?

And if not how does the grandmother take it?

Better yet where are the men of the family???

Hopefully they are resting in peace or have skipped town a long time ago!!!

14

Start wearing earplugs when you visit. There’s nothing like sixteen rounds of “HAH? WHAT DID YOU SAY?” when visiting with hard-of-hearing, annoying relatives to take your mind off how annoying they are.

15

It’s bitchy to say (though that won’t stop me) that the grandmother deserves it. I mean, the woman raised my MIL, she never will say a word against her, never even chides her gently, enforces her rules about the carpet and the stove and the dishes (even when I explain that I will personally wash the dishes), and participates in the general telephone gossip.

The men in the family die very young. There would be a joke in there if my husband weren’t one of the men in the family!

Julie

16

js - How on earth did my mother get to be YOUR mother-in-law?!?? :wink:

17

Don’t stop at all. You have all rights to bitch!

I’m with Medea’s Child

If she is expects you to follow her rules she can follow yours. You are not a child and your house is your castle!!!

18

Maybe the men die young so they can get away from the bitches faster. You ever think that the DIS ease caused by her is causing the disease (like heart disease) that’s killing them? I’d keep my hubby as far from her as possible. :eek:

19

Wow, right now I am offering up fervent prayers of thanksgiving for my first class, truly wonderful MIL. She treats us like intelligent adults, never butts into our business, she takes my side against her son whe he’s being a jerk, and lives in a house we own and is the world’s BEST tenant.

People like this really exist and are allowed to walk the streets unsupervised???

20

I like evilhomer’s advice, but…

You should seriously consider breaking off contact with her.