So you want to be a candidate...

in the next Presidential elections. What’s your platform and who’s your running mate?

P.S.: You know you can’t count on my vote so don’t try buttering me up with false promises :slight_smile:

My platform is free health care for everyone who makes less than 14,000 a year. Also free chocolate. My running mate? My first thought was Satan(brian),but then I’d probably get assassinated! :frowning: Hmmmmm…Ronald Reagan! :smiley:

Try and run between the raindrops!

If elected, I will labor unceasing to have all religious fundamentalists deported of Bosnia. There, the heavily armed, xenophobic & intolerant natives will either kill them, or embrace them as long-lost brothers. :slight_smile:

Actually, I would repeal the Government Corporation Act of 1946. Government-owned corporations were not-for-profit outfits that proved to be the most efficient systems used in this country. They may have actually been cheaper than private sector corps. But this Act put unreasonable restraints on them. Heard about these in a poli-sci class years ago.

1-Expand the Marine corps
2-Increase the # of combat engineers in all branches of the military
3-Develop specialized urban combat units
4–End the practice of handing out Ambassadorships on a political patronage basis; & start a proffessional Diplomatic Corps.
5- Introduce legislation that would take control of education away from local government & put it in the hands of state governments, if they wanted it.
6- Introduce a Bounty-Hunter type system for catching environmental polluters & labor law violators.Rewards would be offered!!!
7-Attempt to purchase the Kamchaka Penninsula from Russia; the same way we bought Alaska.
My running mate- General Powell.

“The truth is uncontrovertible. Panic may resent it; ignorance may deride it; malice may destroy it, but there it is.”-Sir Winston Churchill

Hands up everyone who is not going to vote for Daniel?

GL raises his hand

“Waheeey! ‘Duck!’ Get it?”
“Errr… No…”
“Duck! Sounds almost exactly like fu-”

“Raising both hands and hoping no one notices”

(Raising hand and thinking: Maybe Reagan wasn’t so bad…)

I don’t really want the job, but I do have a platform.

Nobody seems to want to grow old. And why should they? It’s no fun. Your body starts to go, your hair starts to go, and before you know it, you can’t remember what you were going to say next. It was something about aging…oh, yes, I remember, it sucks. Anyway, I think we need more rewards for achieving a certain seniority in the <strike>rat</strike> human race. We’d not only be happier, we’d be encouraging the kiddies to survive into adulthood.

My proposals are all based on reaching a specific age. At 18 you become a legal adult and can vote, I won’t tamper with that, but the changes start at…

21 - Sorry, but you can no longer legally drink alcohol. You’re not old enough to handle it. The good news is that you can smoke pot.

31 - Okay, now you can drink. You’re going to need it.

41 - No more speed limits! You’ve been driving for at least 20 years - we’ll trust your judgement to know what is safe and what isn’t.

51 - No more taxes! You’ve worked most of your life to support the government and your fellow beings, now it’s your turn to make a little something for yourself.

61 - You can park in the Handicapped Zones. This might seem a little tame, but if you’ve done well from not paying taxes, you can afford your own health care so we don’t have to offer that. And wait til you see…

71 - You can kill people. Let’s not go crazy here, you won’t have carte blanche - you will be limited to say, 2 people a year - 3 if they’re particularly annoying members of your own family.

81 - after you’ve reached your eighties, you can pretty much do what you want. Cheat, lie, steal - whatever. You just have to remember there are 70-year-olds out there with guns.

91 - I don’t have any ideas for over nineties, because I’m not sure we want to reward people for living that long - we have to draw the line somewhere.

I may have just lost the over-90 vote.

If I were president…

I would make it mandatory that all companies with more than 50 employees have on site day care and give 8 weeks paid maternity leave and up to 20 weeks off unpaid.

Stay at home mothers ( or fathers) would receive a $5,000 tax cut for each year they stay home with school age children.

I would have a tax cut for families who take in their elderly parents to care for them.

A health care system for anyone with a paying job.

I would fix the gas prices at fifty cents a gallon permanently or try to get a major train system in every major city.

It would be law across the nation that bottles of water that are now oh so trendy would have a deposit on them ( this is up for consideration in several states)

I would give a one time tax break to those couples/individuals who voluntarily sterlize themselves and never have children. ( If they reverse the procedure, they have to pay it back plus a penalty.)

I would enact a law that imprisons the parents of teenage high school murderers, in the same cell as their little monster. So they can see what they created.

I would legalized marijuana for medicinal purposes.

Anyone arrested and imprisoned for drug trafficking would be given as much drugs as they like in prison until they OD.

Anyone convicted of child abuse will be allowed to be beaten by family members as punishment, then given a salt bath.

I would outlaw astroturf.
I have to think about my running mate.

Everyone wants to save the world, but no one wants to help Mom with the dishes.-P.J. O’Rourke

Shirley: You’d really give a tax credit break to couples who voluntarily sterilize themselves and never have children? Is this in the same vein as your astroturf promise or am I missing something?