So you've just been given three wishes....

In My Humble Opinion
1

Your fairy godmother shows up with a wand (or it a big blue genie?) and gives you three wishes. You can’t wish for more wishes; otherwise, anything goes. I think mine would be:

  1. The ability to fly (like Superman or Peter Pan) - I’ve always wanted to be able to do that. That’d be 'way cool.

  2. The ability to control other people - Of course I would use this power for good and not evil. :wink: Think of what I could make Dubya say at press conferences! Think of how I could advance my career! Hell, I could walk through the county jail and tell everyone to insist on taking the stand and telling the truth at their trials…

  3. Um. I think I’ll reserve one wish for later emergencies.

And you?

2

The power to grant wishes, of course. Why not just cut to the chase and go for the fairy godmother’s wand?

3

[ol]
[li]1 Billion dollars in a VERY conservative investment potfolio[/li][li]Perfect health and longevity for everyone I love (including myself)[/li][li]Reserved for an emergency (good idea, William V.[/li][/ol]

4
  1. Eternal, non-stop orgasm
  2. Whirrled Peas
  3. Mo’ Wishes
5

Without dropping into geek-mode and using specific, obscure Superhero characters as examples… oh, never mind. I’d wish for the Martian Manhunter’s powers without the attendant weaknesses. Or Plastic Man’s, without the attendant color limitation. Shapechanging, incredible durability, and effective immortality? Sign me up.

The second would have to go for resources - either some bottomless source of revenue, or incredible technical acumen that would generate patentable gadgets out the wazoo. Perhaps I could just wish for an incredibly advanced mind, capable of predicting the future and envisioning the most complex of technology.

Don’t know about the third.

6
  1. I’d wish for my daughter’s disability to be taken away.
  2. A couple million bucks.
  3. Eternal serenity.
7

A re-definition of the word “three…”

Zev Steinhardt

8

I’d first wish that there be no ironic catches to any of my wishes. :smiley:

9

  1. Have a dimensional solace where I can warp to, anytime I want, when I need to be alone and…

  2. …time there must pass at a slower rate, so if I am in there for one hour, only 1 minute ‘real-time’ has passed.

  3. And…become a mathematical genius (or somehow don’t need to take Calculus!)

10

The ability to see 1 hour into the future. (so I could go to the track and win a little if I need cash)

The ability to read minds.

Have the health of a 25 year old athlete forever.

11

I’m not gonna waste wishes on piddly sh#t.

[ol]
[li]Everybody in the world, & all their decendents, has 5X the Common Sense they had before.[/li][li]Everybody in the world, & all their decendents, gets a skills/language package hardwired into their genes that lets them speak, read & write a common language, know first aid/CPR/basic hygene, akido, wilderness survival, basic mathematics, all-around aptitude (like a Jack Of All Trades Skill from the Traveller RPG, one level), & logic.[/li][li]The Solar System becomes a Terraformed Dyson Sphere, with no harm to Man or his Civilization, over 20 years. [/li][/ol]

12

A crateful of monkey paws.

13

You forgot to say, ‘Say, you.’

14

You want monkey paws?

Nashville’s got a Zoo, I’ve got a hacksaw. You can come over & borrow it when you like.

15

Hmm . . . most of the answers so far have included wealth, health, and superpowers.

So my first wish would cover all those bases. I would want super speed, a la The Flash. I’d even take the scarlet jumpsuit if that could piggyback on this wish. I figure that if I could run like The Flash, I could rob the rich evil-doers of their wealth with impunity, and I’d keep in shape. And I’d have the scarlet jumpsuit.

Second wish: I would love to be able to fly. So, a pilot’s license.
(Faked you out there, huh?)
Third: I wish I was dumber.

I have a theory that happiness and intelligence are inversely related. We’ve all heard of geniuses who commit suicide (Alan Turing, Vincent Van Gogh, and Hunter S Thompson, off the top of my head); my thought is that they are all too able to see this world’s imperfections, and lack the ability to rationalize their existence.

On the other hand, my sister-in-law was born with Down Syndrome. She may never know about love, beyond what her parents have given her. Her career consists of light manual labor followed by a return to the group home where she lives. But she’s always happy. I think it’s because she doesn’t know what is out there; her dreams can never be dashed, if only because she can’t ever really have any.

Myself, I’m acutely aware of how illusory the notion is that children will always be safe and secure, and I’m unable to ignore any news story about the horrible things that can happen to young children. This is because I have a 3-year-old and a 4-month-old, that I love more than anything in the world. The thought of something bad happening to either of them is more than enough to keep me up nights, even though I live in a safe, quiet neighborhood.

So if any of you see a guy in a scarlet jumpsuit sneaking into a showing of The Dukes of Hazzard, smile a little for a Doper who got his wishes. (And won’t be posting all that often, since this website will intimidate me.)

16
  1. Immortality. Not because I’m afraid of death, but because I’d like to be around to witness all the advances in technology in the future.

1a. The ability to revoke said immortality at a time of my choosing. And to grant immortality to anyone else I chose.

  1. Time-travel/teleportation. I’d like to be able to witness events as they actually happened in the past. And being able to travel slightly ahead in the future would ensure, through the power of gambling, that I had all the wealth I’d need to get by.

It occurs to me that I seem to be asking to be turned into God. Oh well…they’re my wishes, right? And I just want the power, not the responsibility. :slight_smile:

  1. That the Straight Dope contigency should take over leadership of the world and mete out justice fairly for all eternity.

That’s not too much to ask, right?

17

No matter what, the first wish should be: “I wish for this wish, and all of my subsequent wishes, to be fulfilled in exactly the manner that I intend, despite any other possible interpretation.”

Then, use your other two wishes to get what you want. Come on, we’ve all read “The Monkey’s Paw”, right?

18

No, although I gather it’s a short story. Who’s the author?

19

Someone cleverly posited that the only real way to do this is to wish for happiness/success/power/world peace/whatever, with your first two wishes, and then use your third wish to wish to forget ever having made those wishes. Because if you wished for fame and power and success, but knew that they were just because of your wishes, you’d ultimately feel like a failure.

20

Not sure, but I came across it while in secondary school (aka high school?). So ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present to you the Cliff’s Note verison of the Monkey Paw!

  1. Mum and Dad has an only son who is overseas as fighting in a war.

  2. A stranger came by and visited Mum and Dad. He gave Mum a monkey paw gasp with three extended…fingers! * gasp* He said the paw could grant three wishes! gasp

  3. Mum decided to try out the paw, while Dad ranted about supersititous nonsense.

  4. Mum wished to have 100 pound.

  5. The next day, a courtier arrived, giving Mum a 100 pound check…as compensation for his son who was killed in action! gasp

  6. Mum was terribly heartbroken. Cue teary and messy funeral.

  7. After funeral, Mum missed her son so much that she used the monkey paw to wish that her son is alive again (I couldn’t remember the exact nature of the wording of the wish but it is something along the line that she can see her son again)

  8. Deep into the night, the son resurrected as a zombie and stalked toward the house!

  9. Father heard the zombie-son trying to come in, and he shouted something along the line that this is very unnatural.

  10. Father grabbed the paw and wished that the son stayed dead.

  11. End of story.