Wow. You guys have given me a lot to think about. I did call the doctor but he had left for the day. My blood pressure is insanely high still. I checked it at the store. 173 over 100? Not sure that could possibly be right but I was pretty stressed at the store.
My bf seems to be happy to do whatever I do. Ready to run to the store or tough it out with me. I am in Texas and I have health insurance. Is it denial that makes me think I can do this without in or out patient treatment? I imagine the doctor will call me tomorrow. I will call back again if I don’t hear anything.
Oh and the 750 is not the huge one. Is that what they call a fifth? We can finish the big bottle in two days. The doctor said yesterday soon I could be drinking before work. At least that is not the case.
Anyway, so far so good I guess. All of you guys have been really awesome. Last year when I quit I didn’t have the bad side effects listed but they say the more times you stop the worse it gets.
Sometimes I wish I could just chuck it and go to rehab. I don’t have much of a hands-on support group. I have y’all now and that is helping. Thank you.
I am tired of regretting stuff and I did drink because of that, too.
This is the key. Break the goal down into small, manageable chunks.
Big goal: I want to stop drinking. Overwhelming in the concept.
Small goal: I will not drink today. That is manageable and doable. And the wonderful thing is that when you have completed all the small goals, you have also completed the big goal.
I’ll also recommend finding a good martial arts school and joining. The emphasis on focus and discipline and control will help mightily, not to mention the side benefit of getting into better shape and helping control your blood pressure.
I’m so proud of you. My sister has been sober for a few years now - four, five? I can’t remember. But I can remember than when she was drinking, it was horrible. She almost wrecked her liver - and she didn’t drink “that much” - she is a smallish woman and it turns out that some people can drink like a fish and live to be 90 and some people can drink a normal sized bottle of wine every evening and end up with cirrhosis - turns out, she was the second.
I am so proud of anyone who wakes up and says “I think I should fix this” - it isn’t easy to fix, but it isn’t even easy to admit - you’ve done the first.
When I kicked a habit, I went to outpatient treatment and went to Narcotics Anonymous meetings every day.
Here in Southern California’s Beautiful San Fernando Valley, there at least 100 NA meetings every week. There are least twice as many AA meetings. Chances are there are some AA meetings near you. They’re everywhere, man!
You want to get sober and stay that way? Hang out with people who have done it and keep doing it. Do the things that they do. They’ve been through it. Ask them questions. I bet they’ll be happy to help.
I was in the same place a couple of years ago. Vodka and pills. The hardest thing about stopping drinking was trying to go to bed sober. There’s a lot to get through. A lot of stages. But it’s worth it. I stopped counting but I think I’ve been sober for about a year and a half.
I had the panic stuff too. I did the narco and soma as well. It’s a process to work out with your body but you can do it. AA didn’t work for me. I finally just had to bite the bullet and tell myself it wasn’t going to be fun, but it would be worth it. I knew I was killing my body. And it is worth it. As much as I liked drinking, I’m not tempted in the least anymore. No more cob webby bullshit.
Try finding some online forums that are more geared for your experience. Knowing that there were others who shared my situation gave me comfort.
You can get past this and feel good about yourself again -I promise.
I am just on my phone or I would reply individually but just know you guys are helping me. I am going to try the sleep thing again, hopefully with better results. Going to go back to the stupid doctor and I think if my bp comes down my anxiety will go down some.
Anyway, I made it through another day! I spent several hours watching The Big Bang Theory and couldn’t stop laughing. It does feel a little manic but I am not crying so that is good!
I will check back in tomorrow. Oh, and I know where the AA spots are. My grandfather was a charter member. It sucks how things can get away from you.
I am awed by those of you that have been here and done this. Thanks again.
Cut down gradually from about 3-4 drinks a night? That seems overly cautious.
And I wouldn’t think anyone would need medical supervision unless they rarely go for any extended period of time without alcohol in their system (and without experiencing side effects during that time). If you get drunk every night but then wake up sober and work all day sober, your body can obviously handle sobriety. Emotionally it might be hard, but physically it should be safe. Am I wrong?
Anyway, good luck OP You don’t necessarily sound like an alcoholic so just quit for now and reevaluate after some time of being sober.
One thing I can tell you is that if you can quit it will most absolutely help with your anxiety.
If you want to know a scientific explanation let me know. You could also search for gaba ion channel and find a lot of info.
But the same reason it really causes issues with anxiety is also why it can be dangerous to quit cold turkey.
In broad general terms one of the effects of alcohol is that increases the amount of time the “calming” “valves” are open to each brain cell, over time the body “opens” the “valves” that cause the brain cells to fire to compensate.
If you have been a long term chronic user your brain may be use to keeping these ones open way too long which can cause delirium or seizures and even death.
Please call a doctor especially if you notice shaking, headache, sweating, nausea or vomiting etc…
They will be able to prescribe medication which will help keep the withdrawal symptoms to a safe level.
I know right now is probably very very tough for you, but it sounds like you want to live a better life, remember that it is within your reach.
Congratulations on your steps in the right direction.
The time you spend stopping is a high point. You get to feel the least bad about your regrets. You say “I am so disappointed in myself.” But, you are allowed to feel much better about yourself now! We are all pulling for you.
I am an atheist, like you. So is somebody dear to me. We both got something out of AA. I find the whole “higher power” thing obnoxious and don’t like the veiled evangelism, and if I got to redesign the whole thing myself I think I’d try to leave that out. Nevertheless AA can still be a help. I find the group desire to dry up and the shared understanding of the difficulties is helpful, and also (like someone mentioned) it is useful to hear the stories of what else could have happened to you. For a while I called the “strength of the group” a “higher power”. Some people get obsessed over AA and trade their drinking obsession for a meeting obsession – well, OK, that could work. Meetings are a lot easier on the liver.
My dad, who was a VERY heavy drinker for many years (and has now been sober for like 20 years), said AA helped him and he was/is an atheist. I remember him saying that when you start enjoying the meetings, that’s when you don’t have to go anymore (of course that wouldn’t be the case for everyone, but that’s just what he said, and he hasn’t gone for many many years). I’m still very skeptical about AA, but that does nunch me a little bit in its favor.
Screw that one day at a time shit - try one moment at a time. You are going to have al kinds of “triggers” during the day when you would habitually say, “That calls for a drink” - or - “That is an excuse to drink.” Driving home from work, meals, celebrations, a TV show, noon, and argument, etc. ad infinitum. Each time, you just have to make the deliberate decision to say “No”, instead of reaching for the bottle. Every day/week/month those urges will come further apart, and will be easier to tamp down. But I have yet to have my urges for ETOH or cigs to disappear completely.
I never did AA, just was of the opinion that no one else was pouring the shit down my gullet other than myself. But go with whatever works for you.
Another thing - the first day is the toughest, followed by the second. You already have those under your belt. Do you want to piss that away and have to start from scratch again?
Just my opinion - 7 yrs sober, 27 yrs nonsmoker. Best of luck. And if posting helps, by all means, please do.
I do know that some doctors assume what you’re drinking is about twice what you tell them, so maybe that was a factor. But I also know that for this person, at least, the amount was accurate; the rest of his family was concerned enough that they tracked it.
I’ve never had a problem with substance or alcohol abuse, but alcoholism is rampant in my family and it seems all of us go through periods of anxiety and panic disorder. I went to counseling for it and did group sessions for a while, and was surprised to find so much similarity in the life circumstances in the people who were there for addiction and the people coping with panic or phobias. This was years ago and it’s one thing that really stood out to me.
Two other things stuck with me - coping skills, and this thing called No Judging. I sucked at it - it means you, not judging yourself. I’m my own worst critic and nothing I ever do is good enough, and I tend to remind myself of bad things with little provocation. Someone asked me why, and I’d never thought about it before and had no idea why. “OK then, don’t do it!” and she made me a little paper badge with an angry, frowning cartoon woman on it and an X drawn through the woman, to remind me: No Judging. LOL.
It might sound goofy but I just wanted to pass on that little thing that actually helped me a lot. Maybe you haven’t been very good to yourself and if not, you certainly deserve better, and you can take this as a sign that some things need changing, that’s all. Wishing you luck.
Blackberry said: “If you get drunk every night but then wake up sober and work all day sober, your body can obviously handle sobriety… Am I wrong?”
Ditto what S. Vigilante said. Balckberry’s “reasoning” is absolutely wrong. Period. Being sober for a few hours or even a few days isn’t “sober.” It’s not physically sober and it’s not mentally/emotionally/behaviorally sober. Some full blown alcoholics only drink on weekends. Still alcoholics.
Well, I slept great and other than a headache that might be blood pressure related I am doing okay. Called the doc twice and am going to go back to the walk in clinic in a bit since he hasn’t called back. More worries about that than drinking at this moment. I feel good right now about my decision. My son is coming in from out of town and am looking forward to seeing him and not being inebriated. Normally I let stuff like that totally stress me out but right now I figure that wouldn’t be a good thing.
It seems like I am going to have more time to actually do stuff that I don’t have time to do and feel guilty about because I am too busy being messed up to do. Might be a good thing!
You don’t necessarily sound like an alcoholic so just quit for now and reevaluate after some time of being sober.
You are going to have al kinds of “triggers” during the day when you would habitually say, “That calls for a drink” - or - “That is an excuse to drink.” Driving home from work, meals, celebrations, a TV show, noon, and argument, etc. ad infinitum. Each time, you just have to make the deliberate decision to say “No”, instead of reaching for the bottle. Every day/week/month those urges will come further apart, and will be easier to tamp down. But I have yet to have my urges for ETOH or cigs to disappear completely.