Social Bulkheads

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I had this realization not too long ago. It came about because I was finding myself very upset and concerned because different sects of my social life were beginning to intermingle. I didn’t really know why it bothered me and so not knowing why bothered me more, which lead to much inner study.

What I realized is that I put up social bulkheads or firewalls. Due to insecurity in my social life I had developed a safety net system subconciously. In my social life I had group A, group B and group C. The groups had very little, if any, crossover and so they were nearly completely independant sects of my life. With this separation I was able to be confident that a fuckup with group A, would not end my social life with group B and C. I had developed this way for me to keep some form of limited damage control with my life.

And recently these groups broke through the walls and began intermingling, the above mentioned events which caused me much upset and discomfort. And this is why! I’d lost a safety net. I had to hope the ship stayed afloat if anything went wrong in what had become group AB.

Is this normal? I know people have multiple social circles, but do you do this conciously? Or have I discovered a topic for a self-help book?

2

A George divided against itself cannot stand.

3

I don’t do it consciously as such, there just aren’t a whole lot of opportunities to bring different friend together. My high school friends know nothing about my uni friends know nothing about family friends know nothing about work friends, and to try to introduce them to each other would be kinda… really weird.

4

<snip>

You young people today with your fancy multiple circles. When I was young, all we had were semi-circles. And we didn’t have any high-falutin’ bulkheads to keep them separate, either. We had to use bags of flaming dog poop to keep our semi-circles from getting together. Kids these days. Get off my lawn!

5

I absolutely understand. It does help when things get ugly with one group.

I have my group in my class at my school. They’re all a year or two older than me at most (I’m young for my grade) and if I were going to, say, the movies and wanted someone to go with me, they’re the ones I’d be most likely to invite. (these days, not so much becuase they’re not happy with me.)

I have my group(s) of older theatre folks. They wouldn’t go to the mall with me, but I hang out with them at rehearsal and I’ve been invited to a few of their parties and occasionally sit with them at lunch. They intermix a bit with the ones in my class, but they mostly don’t like each other, so they never actually hang out… plus, when my friends-in-my-class are pissed at me, my older friends are more likely to be on my side.

I have my boy friends and my theatre friends from the boys’ school. They have noting at all to do with any of my other friends, other than one or two events and a couple of "oh, I work with her"s. They’re good for a break from all the estrogen.

And then, my darling lovely dance class friends. There was a boy who was in dance class with me and also did theatre, but I adored him in both settings anyway and it didn’t matter… plus he graduated and has become pretty scarce at the studio. My dance class friends range from age ten to mid-twenties and there’s no group in the world I’d rather spend time with.
Last year, my best friend from my class joined one of my dance classes. My social brain went on the fritz. I acted like a total monster to the poor girl. I went out of my way to let her know that she should not expect to be special just because I knew her. When people asked, I said “she goes to my school.” Between classes, I’d chat with my studio friends and not her. Didn’t go around and introduce her to the teachers or tell her about them or anything. (in my defense, she was being pretty annoying. Was always late and wanted me to wait for her so she wouldn’t have to walk into class alone, got mad because I was better than her and wanted me to tone it down so I didn’t “crush [her] self esteem” and was such a pain in the butt in class that none of the other girls liked her much either. Also, I was thirteen and I realize it was very childish.) She didn’t last long enough to even learn people’s names, but man that was a tense couple weeks

I’ve also noticed that my friends don’t seem to think the same way. I’ve been introduced into a number of new circles through a mutual friend… I’ve had friends take me to work with them, friends who will invite me to parties with all their elementary school buddies, friends who invite me to audition for or join their other groups (like extracurricular groups)… something which I just wouldn’t do.

6

When Worlds collide.

7

Is this normal? I know people have multiple social circles, but do you do this conciously? Or have I discovered a topic for a self-help book?

Self-help? Only if you’re doing it wrong.

I consciously separate social groups. It’s necessary when you want to, or have to, hang out with people that can’t accept your real self. Some people might ask why you hang out with people who can’t accept you for who you are. I would tell them that that kind of advice would limit me to about three friends in a life time.

The thing is that I have to deal with people at work, at school and at other social events where it would be real uncomfortable for me if I acted like myself. It would be uncomfortable because everyone would hate me. People in general are a pretty judgmental bunch, and it is not worth risking social damnation just for the sake of acting like your own self, even if there is nothing wrong with you. So I keep people that know the real me from ever meeting up with people who don’t.

George could not have stayed with Susan if she knew the real George. It was still vital for him to act like himself once in a while. So he had the choice of either being uncomfortable for the rest of his life or miserable. The best choice of course would be to keep both worlds separate.