You look cool!! Cigarettes are great rhetorical props. I don’t think I’ve ever given a proper irrational rant in public without waving a cigarette around. Because you don’t have lung cancer right now. It hasn’t affected me in terms of working out. I run a few miles without incident. I don’t know how it affects others in terms of being active. Live fast die young!
I mean clearly its disgusting and I wish I had never started it but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the hell out of it. I think we all know that here though.
I’ll be the first to admit that smoking is bad as hell for your health. I only smoke occasionally, once a month or two months or three months…just whenever I happen to be drunk or bored and feel, hey, why not smoke a cigarette, and then roll one up (I only smoke roll-ups. Yes, I’m a hipster. Yes, I’m pretentious.)
I’m lucky in that I can smoke non-habitually, as can most people in my family and a lot of my friends. I truly sympathize with those who develop addictions. I think smoking habitually, especially corporate-brand pack cigarettes, is a bad idea.
With that said, everything Shag said is right on the money, in my experience. Smoking is hip, will always be hip, and that’s all there is to it. The more unacceptable and non-mainstream it gets, the hipper it will be. The whole smokers’ camaradarie thing is true, especially at shows or parties. And the clink of a zippo opening makes girls have orgasms. OK, maybe that last part is a slight exaggeration.
Girls that smoke are nasty to kiss (for a non-smoker)
Many Girls that smoke are smoking hot and on the thin side, apparently smoking can be done in place of eating for some people.
“Smoking hot smoking girls” have a smaller pool of eligible men to date and so have lower standards.
If your friend takes up smoking, kissing an ashtray, I mean girl that smokes, won’t be bad at all.
By smoking his dating pool for hot looking girls will increase.
Of course if he is already married and he starts kissing “Smoking hot smoking girls”, his wife might murder him and thus you will win your bet even sooner.
Jim
Warning, not all claims are factual, only meant to sound convincing to your friend.
This would be my plan. You need a couple of really hot women to conspire with. Go to a bar with your friend and start drinking fairly seriously. This will damage his sensibility. Have one of the hot women walk up you and ask if you smoke. Say yes, and walk outside with said hot woman while surreptitiously leaving a pack of cigs on the table. Have the second hot woman walk up to your buddy and say “I see you smoke, can I bum a cigarette off of you? Let’s go outside and have a smoke!”. The combination of alcohol and hot women will force your buddy to claim that he is a smoker, convince him of the social benefits of smoking, and subsequently turn him into a nicotine addict. BWAHAHAHA! The first hit is always free!
It feels good. Nicotine provides a nice buzz that’s much more socially acceptable than, say, drinking. For the most part no one would question your moral fiber too intensely if you step out of a given situation for a cigarette. Try to do the same for a drink, or a joint, or any other substance beyond caffeine and you’re likely going to face some questions.
Take him out drinking, offer him a smoke, or better yet, have a hot woman offer him a smoke. He may see the light. He may end up like myself, only an occasionally-while-drunk smoker, but even that’s not lengthening my lifespan any.
In all seriousness, people smoke for a reason. The first few cigs give you a pleasant little buzz. Smoking is a social activity, and it can enhance your interactions with friends who also smoke. It gives you something to do when you’re waiting outside for something or someone. It can be a crucial ingredient in male bonding. If you find a cigarette whose taste you enjoy–cloves, for me, though I don’t smoke anymore–the experience is utterly sublime. It’s an adult choice and it feels good to make that choice, whether you choose to smoke or not to smoke, especially when you’re at the age where you’re technically an adult but you don’t really feel like you’re ready to be one.
Nicotine has also been shown to be effective in helping ADD kids concentrate on their schoolwork.
Since you asked:
“an episode of Friends where Rachel tries to start smoking just so she can schmooze”
Note the apostrophe change and the added letters on “schmooze”, which is Yiddish for “suck up to your boss with two more letters than necessary”.
(See?)
Nicotine gum is outrageously expensive and tastes awful (from what I hear–never been addicted, myself). The most expensive cigarettes don’t cost as much and taste much, much better.
“Three of the four elements are shared by all creatures, but fire was a gift to humans alone. Smoking cigarettes is as intimate as we can become with fire without immediate excrutiation. Every smoker is an embodiment of Prometheus, stealing fire from the gods and bringing it on back home. We smoke to capture the power of the sun, to pacify Hell, to identify with the primordial spark, to feed on the marrow of the volcano. It’s not the tobacco we’re after but the fire. When we smoke, we are performing a version of the fire dance, a ritual as ancient as lightning.”
