Some more Odes to Various Forums....

About This Message Board
1

My original idea was to post an ode to each forum in each forum. I started with An Ode to the Pit, which I posted there, though in retrospect it didn’t really belong there. Anyway, as I finished this Ode to Great Debates, I was about to post it there and realized “If I post this to GD, DavidB or Gaudere’ll kill me! This isn’t a GD!”

So, the rest of the Odes are going here. (I’m hoping that since the “Origins of the Mods” stuff was here, this is ok too. If not, let me know.) I’m well on my way to doing IMHO. Enjoy!

And again, just my impressions of GD, not referencing any specific post or incident.

A Day in GD

I read GD today, oh boy,
Saw claims the world was made in seven days
And though the board was rather slow
Well I just had to know
What facts there were to show

At most ten thousand years he claimed
That men had been around on planet earth
And though a bunch of dopers tried
They didn’t change his mind
All they did is question words he’d redefined

I read in GD this, oh boy,
Homeopathy is just a scam
A couple posters tried to say
“No, look it’s really true…
it’s a real breakthrough!”
I’d love to debate them…

(vast crescendo of music/noise, ending with a modem handshake)

Logged on, and read some threads
Saw a post 'bout giving head!!
I looked up top and noticed my mistake
I was in eMP-SIMS and not in Great Debates
Changed forums, and read a post
'bout some presidential boasts
I wrote real quick and checked up on my facts
I hit “Submit Reply” and the message, it was sent…

I read my post today, oh my :frowning:
It’s filled with errors, typos, fallacies!
And coding errors were glaore.
“Preview, goddamnit!” Fenris swore.
“I’ve lost their respect on a thread about Millard Filmore!”
I’d love to edit my posts…

Fenris
(with gratitude and respect to Lennon and McCartney, geniuses both)

2

Okay. Now it just looks like I stalk you around with rose petals.

:: tosses them at him anyway ::

3

I am the poster, goo-goo-ga-joob?

No. Fenris, I am in awe. I’ve done this kind of thing myself in other Internet fora, but I’m not nearly as prolific.

A nod of the hat to you, but watch out–if my creative juices kick in, I’ll give you a run for your money.

In the interim, I’ll just enjoy. Thanks for posting your songs! I do like them, even if I wish I had thought of them first!

4

::sits back, in awe and admiration::

5

Fenris, old bean, you have inspired me once again…

**Straight Dope Newbie ** (to the tune of “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus)

My life is a pain
I’m just so dull and square
But I’ve got Mundane
Pointless Stuff I Must Share
It’s stuck in my head
I hope it gets read
But nobody knows who I am
And nobody gives a damn about me
Cause I’m just a Straight Dope newbie, baby
Yeah I’m just a Straight Dope newbie, baby
Hoping to read a mention, baby, of me

That guy’s really hip
He’s got several thousand posts
While I’ve nearly zip
I’ll never get even close
He gets all the flirts
While I feel like dirt
Cause nobody knows who I am
And nobody gives a damn about me
Cause I’m just a Straight Dope newbie, baby
Yeah I’m just a Straight Dope newbie, baby
Hoping to read a mention, baby, of me

Straight Dope newbie, no they don’t know what they’re missin’
Straight Dope newbie, no they don’t know what they’re missin’

I don’t know why
Mine is a thread they’d choose
But there’s a reply
As well as 800 views
I thought my thread
By now would be dead
How do they know who I am
And why do they give a damn about me?
It says Hey listen, your words just went right through me;
I had the same thing happen to me.
I’m just another Straight Dope newbie like you.

Straight Dope newbie, no they don’t know what they’re missin’
Straight Dope newbie, no they don’t know what they’re missin’

6

(to the tune of “Think” by Aretha Franklin)

*(Chorus) *
Say what you think (THINK!)
Tell us what you feel, not what you know
Say what you think (THINK THINK)
And post it on I-M-H-O.

Let’s find out, let’s find out exactly what other Dopers think
Who’s your favorite movie star, and what beer you like to drink
Here’s the place to have your say, to tell us what you like to do
TV shows you always watch, and cartoons that you would screw

Say what you think (THINK!)
Tell us what you feel, not what you know
Say what you think (THINK THINK)
And post it on I-M-H-O.

In My (In My)
In My (In My)
Humble (Humble)
Opinion!

There ain’t nothing you can’t ask; you can ask it, never fear
And if you post it somewhere else, you know the Mods will move it here
People postin’ 'round everyday, giving views on bad and good
Tryin to make other people change their minds, though it’s unlikely you ever would

*(Chorus) *

You ask me and I’ll ask you
It’s not like we’ve got anything better we could do :rolleyes:

(vamp)
In My (In My)
In My (In My)
Humble (Humble)
Opinion!..

7

[plug]
Geez, I hardly got any views with my Ode.
[/plug]

'Course, mine pretty much sucked. But still…

8

Join the club. It sucks not to be Fenris… <sulks petulantly>

And FWIW, I quite liked your piece, Borb.

[sub]I told them nobody reads this forum…[/sub]

9

A) People DO read this forum. Lookit the “Secret Origins of the Mods” thread.

B) Borb, I liked your Ode too.

C) jr8, here’s another on the same theme as yours (IMHO)

To the tune of : The 59[sup]th[/sup] Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy)

Which tv show is the best?
Go and take this political test
What’s the best inn to be a guest?
Takin’ polls in I-M-H-O

Whatcha got on your backdrop?
What’s the best fable by Aesop?
Ever worked in a sweatshop?
Takin’ polls in I-M-H-O

I got no facts to cite
No drum I must beat
I just wanna know “What’s your favorite treat?”
Let big issues go over into Great Debates
Takin’ polls in I-M-H-O

Best Guitarist (live or dead)?
Computer Game Appreciation thread
Simpson, Homer vs Flanders, Ned
Takin’ polls in I-M-H-O

Fenris

10

I gotta say it, jr8: the Teenage Dirtbag cover cracked me up bigtime! :smiley:

Of course, Fenris’ Odes are up to his usual quality standards, which range from “Downright Hilarious” to “Friggin’ Awesome”.

11

[sub][sup]Fenris and jr8, thanks! I really should have complimented your fine pieces instead of going with the passive-aggressive plug.[/sub][/sup]

I sit in particular awe of Fenris’ IMHO and jr8’s MPSIMS (and that’s even without benefit of knowing the Wheatus tune).

It does indeed suck not to be Fenris. But then, I first knew that from his thoughtful thread about Bubblegum music, and I’m sure I should have noticed much earlier.

::eagerly awaits either’s Ode to About This Message Board::

12

You mean there’s somewhere in the world they don’t blare it constantly? Where are you posting from – Kabul? Next thing, you’ll tell me you’ve never heard Cher’s “Believe”…

Oh jeez…I’ll give it some thought. In the meantime, here’s my take on Comments on Cecil’s Columns:

I Wanna Be Like You (tune from The Jungle Book film)

Oh, he’s the man who knows everything,
The information guy;
From high and low,
They want to know
And Cecil tells ‘em all why.
Just see his latest column,
Read what the master said;
There’s no Straight Dope
Beyond his scope
(Although he’s actually Ed).

Oh, Cecil, dude,
I wanna be like you-oo-oo.
I wanna write like you,
Cite like you, too.
I know it’s true
A chump like me
Can learn to be brilliant too.

Some Comments on Cecil’s Columns:
I’ve read his latest piece –
If I pick nits
I’ll score some hits
And one-up Unca Cece!
Who cares if it’s pedantic
And somewhat off the mark?
If I can’t be
A V.I.P.,
At least I’ll hear myself bark!

Ooh!
I wanna have your IQ.
I wanna be bright like you,
Right like you, too.
You’ll see it’s true
A schmuck like me
Can’t hope to be
Like someone like you!

13

jr8 and Fenris, you’re both amazing.

:: Fran wanders off humming “oooooh, I wanna be like yooouuuu” ::

14

Here’s an unofficial “Ode to Comments on Staff Reports” which I’ll post here to last us until the good stuff arrives from Fenris or jr8. To the tune of The Mayor Of Simpleton. Apologies to Andy Partridge and XTC. Hell, apologies to everybody.

Comments on Staff Reports

Never been mentioned in a Midwest weekly
Never had Cecil write a column for me
And some other forums have a lot more to see
But that’s nothing that I care about

Well, G.D. is for matters of the highest import
And Google’s the answer for G.Q.'s of all sorts
And this may be Comments on Staff Reports
But it has one thing and that’s low volume

When “All Your Base…” seems Mundane and Pointless threads run their course
You can read all the posts in Comments on Staff Reports

Tell Dave the moon landing was all just a crock
(Please link when posting to Comments on Staff Reports)
Explain that you learned this from a special on Fox
(Please think when posting to Comments on Staff Reports)
And it’s all been confirmed now by Jerry Orbach
As foretold in the Bible Code, see?

Well, in A.T.M.B. you can test-post for sport
And your rants in the Pit just might land you in court
And this may be Comments on Staff Reports
But it has one thing and that’s low volume

I’m not sure why it changed from Mailbag Answers
It just transformed one day
I don’t know how the Staff does all its research
And just who is this Son of Dex anyway? (And anyway…)

Do you want to list your favorite Three Stooges shorts?
Well, I.M.H.O. will provide a safe port
And this may be Comments on Staff Reports
But it has one thing and that’s low volume (low volume)

Dex needs to know your pizza theory
(Please link when posting to Comments on Staff Reports)
Educate Veg in homeopathy
(Please think when posting to Comments on Staff Reports)
Tell Chronos about Planet Donut’s gravity
Based on your last visit there

So you want to hit the Master with a clever retort
Comments on Cecil’s Columns is the place you should start
But this is still Comments on Staff Reports
And it has one thing and that’s low volume

When you’ve flamed in the Pit 'til your fingers got hoarse
You can read all the posts in Comments on Staff Reports
You can read all the posts in Comments on Staff Reports
You can read all the posts…

15

Blimey.

Y’know, I was convinced that Comments on Staff Reports was going to be nigh impossible to do, and you’ve cracked it wide open. Very well done indeed.

Now if only I could remember more than just the chorus of The Mayor of Simpleton.

Still ATMB and GQ left unheralded…

16

Not quite up to the sterling standards of above, but good for a laugh…

The TubaDiva Song (to the tune of “I’m a Believer” by The Monkees)

I used to think I’d never find my way around
I’d have to muddle through the best I could
What’s the rule on flaming? (doo doo doo doo)
What are vB codes? (doo doo doo doo)
Where’s the place to post some comic odes?

Then I found the place
Run by TubaDiva
A wondrous space
With plenty to find
All the stuff (ooooo) I can retrieve here
I couldn’t leave here if I tried.

She runs a forum called About This Message Board
For questions and concerns and practice posts
There’s no controversies (doo doo doo doo)
Diatribes or rants (doo doo doo doo)
No one’s trying to get in someone’s pants

And no “All your base” –
It’s just TubaDiva
The Admin ace
Who’s helpful and kind
Fair but tough; (ooooo) you can believe her
She won’t deceive ya, it’s all right…

17

Hey, don’t sell yourself short! Great stuff as always. And, belated extra appreciation for the “(Although he’s actually Ed)” and “At least I’ll hear myself bark!” lines in the Cecil’s Columns tune – classics.

Anyone who has read this far down the thread but skipped Fenris’ (remember Fenris?) first link should check it out for his Ode to the Pit, with bonus tunes by jr8 and Derleth.

General Questions still ripe for the plucking…

18

I needed closure! (Although I’m still hopeful that Fenris will be back with additional Odes.) Here’s one for General Questions, to Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London.”

General Questions

I saw a newbie with an offbeat question on his mind
Scrolling through Google searches in vain
He was looking for a site called The Straight Dope
Gonna get a big dose of Cecil’s disdain

Ah-ooooo, General Questions
Ah-ooooooooo
Ah-ooooo, General Questions
Ah-ooooooooo

You’re getting ready to pound on your keyboard
Better search before you begin
That subject was covered just last month
General Questions again

Ah-ooooo, General Questions
Ah-ooooooooo
Ah-ooooo, General Questions
Ah-ooooooooo

It’s a Mundane Pointless thread, better somewhere else instead
Lately it’s been moved to Stuff I Must Share
You better be typo-free, this is forum ID 3
Ha, I’d like to read his profile

Ah-ooooo, General Questions
Ah-ooooooooo
Ah-ooooo, General Questions
Ah-ooooooooo

Well, I saw Ed Zotti walking with Unca Cece
Doing the General Questions
I saw Slug Signorino walking with Unca Cece
Doing the General Questions
I saw a thread fall off the first page of GQ in 6 hours
Its vB code was perfect

Heh!

Ah-ooooo, General Questions
Ah-ooooooooo
Ah-ooooo, General Questions
Ah-ooooooooo

New thread

19

Thanks, Borb; I needed closure too. Unfortunately my muse went on vacation about halfway through my version of Robbie Williams’s “Angels”:

Of course, if anyone feels left out, they could always do themes for Threadspotting, Weird Earl’s and teemings…

[sub]And the first person to post “teemings…nothing more than teemings…” is going to get such a pinch…[/sub]

20

Well, damn.

What can I say except that I’m flattered . . . and really really impressed by the high level of creativity expressed in this thread.

It’s all the more amazing considering that this is not normally a forum where creativity gets you bonus points.

Drinks are on the house!

your humble TubaDiva
getting a ladder to climb to the roof