I just got back from an unexpected four-day trip to my mother-in-law’s house because her mother died. The woman was 83 years old, smoked two packs of Camels a day for about 60 years, never exercised, and practically didn’t know what a vegetable was unless it was deep fried. On the other hand, she was able to live on her own until the very end, with just some daily, part time help. And she proved that an old dog can learn new tricks. When I first met this woman, she was quite the bigot (this is south Arkansas, where bigotry can be an art form). About five years ago, she moved into an apartment complex for the elderly on fixed incomes. There she met several other elderly women, many of whom are black. She became best friends with some of those women and when her daughter or her daughter’s boyfriend make disparaging remarks about black people, she would try to defend them, having finally left some of her ignorances behind.
Since funerals turn into impromptu family reunions, I met some of my husband’s family I’d never met before. And I learned that everyone apparently has relatives that are simply a waste of carbon molecules. Before the body was even in the ground, my MIL’s brother (an alcoholic with no job who often bummed money off his poverty-stricken elderly mother) was sniffing around about any insurance money. The woman barely left enough money to cover the modest funeral and when he found that out, he started asking about her TV and other things she might have had. He never went to see her in the hospital, and he never did a thing to help his mother out.
I’ve also come to the realization that most people are neither completely good nor completely bad. My in-laws are bigots who revel in their ignorances, and truth be told, I flat out don’t like them. Sometimes when I visit I feel as if I’ve been transported into the early 1960s, where remarks about black people, gay people, and anyone who is even a little different are said almost without regards as to who might be around or that not everyone who is white feels the same as they do. But those same people would move heaven and earth to help you out in a jam without a second thought (and many of them, oddly enough, would do it for the same people they disparage). I only have to see my in-laws twice a year, barring emergencies like this one, so I grit my teeth and bear it and know that if my husband can escape that, there’s hope for others.
And my MIL has a nine-week-old puppy, just like these that makes everyone fall in love with him whenever they see him. I tried to convince my husband that our cats need a new toy, but he won’t go for it. Seriously, this dog barely weighs 1.5 pounds. He’s not much bigger than a kitten of the same age.
