Somebody missing a few marbles

Mr VOW and I were bantering about a certain famous jerk who has exhibited for the hundred-thousandth time he is lacking in his mental operations.

We came up with a few standards:

He doesn’t have all the raisins in his toast.

His porch light is flickering. (Mr VOW corrected this to “His porch light is burned out!”

He’s a few tacos short of a combo plate.

C’mon, let’s poke some fun. If I have to see the Capitol invasion tape again, I might throw up.


The lights are on, but nobody’s home.

Some standards:

A few inches short of a foot

Not firing on all cylinders

His/her elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top

A few knives short of a drawer [or something like that]

I always want to make up good variations, but can’t think of any good ones I’ve personally invented. If I can think of any, you know I’ll share.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

A toy short of a Happy Meal.

His computer is lacking a CPU.

gone off-trail again

dumber than a bag of hammers

Not the brightest bulb on the marquee.

A few cards short of a deck.

They’re the kind of person who, if you blew in their ear, would say, “Thanks for the fill-up.”

Cobwebs on the windmill of his mind.

He’s got a few loose screws, or maybe a lot and some are even missing.

He went out to lunch and stayed for happy hour.

He’s about as sharp as a bowling ball.

He has a room temperature IQ.

His bus has jumped the track.
He marches to a different kazoo.
She keeps losing her left socks.
She can count her brains cells on the fingers of her left foot.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal (the variant I heard)
Couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag with a map and a flashlight.

This is a lot more insulting in places that use the Celsius scale. :grinning:

Couldn’t pour the water out of his boots if the instructions were printed on the heel – from the military?

Here’s a whole website full of these:

As sharp as a bag of wet mice.


  • Dumb as a post
  • Dumb as a box of rocks

Dang, Sunspace! You beat me to it.

Low as dirt and half as smart.

Numb as a pounded thumb

and, my favorite from a former boss who was famous for screwing up sayings and misusing words in general:

A few bricks short of a picnic


Another child left behind.

(Too many people don’t get this one, but I think it’s hilarious.)

A few bricks shy of a full hod.

… bag full of doorknobs.

Couldn’t find his rear end with a six-man search team.

Dumber than a ditch carp.

Suffering from microdeckia