A British expression that’s evocative: thick as a brick
Half a bubble off plumb.
(Showing my age?) from the Carol Burnett Show:
He’s got splinters in the windmill of his mind.
Riding the short bus.
Irish expression - … a Gobshite
Sounds ugly, is ugly, but apt.
The bells are ringing, the lights are flashing - but the train ain’t coming.
He’s got the brains of the head on a glass of beer.
Got a few 'roos loose in the top paddock.
His cheese done slid off his cracker. (I think that actually might be from “The Carol Burnett Show” too. )
one i use is
…not the sharpest lightbulb ever to have been short of a picnic.
Another favorite via an old schoolfriend: Thicker than six pints of pig-snot.
Couldn’t find his arse with a map, a compass, and a hardback edition of “Arse-finding for dummies”
An aussie one: Couldn’t organise a piss-up at a brewery.
Madder than a cut snake
Do you think Frank Darabont stole that from Carol Burnett for The Green Mile? It’s said about Percy after Coffey scrambles his brains.
I always thought that was british !
Possibly the most common uk expression is “as thick as 2 short planks”
(Don’t know why “short”, as that implies apparent thickness (to me))
We can share!
Takes an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
This is a lot more insulting in places that use the Celsius scale.
I always liked it, coming from a Celsius universe. What I did not get until explained was when my Scottish former girlfriend said to me “Act your age and not your shoesize”, because my Continental shoe size is 44 or 45, while in the UK it would be 10.5 (which I did not know).
I’ve always been partial to “Doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.”
Dumb as a bag of cheese.
Two stands off bottom but drilling ahead.
Two of my favorites:
Couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag with a map, a flashlight, and a guide.
He’s the slime that slime scrapes off its shoes.
Hah! I forgot about the British word thick. This thread reminds me of that line in Black Adder:
“Thick as a whale omelette.”
Couldn’t find water if he fell out of a canoe.
If it was raining pussies, he’d get hit in the head by a giant dildo (from my navy days).
If brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.
Both oars in the water, but missing a boat.
Two ears, one floss.
When coming across a fork in the road, she looks for the spoon.
Almost drowned in the shower.