Interesting poll.
My husband and I eloped. Not for any scandalous reason, but we had a 1-year-old and not very much money and my husband had done the big wedding once before and didn’t feel comfortable having an occasion where the same family members who gave gifts the first time around would feel obligated to give gifts again.
My mom wasn’t happy, but I don’t think anyone else cared. I should probably verify that, though. I have the occasional pang of regret—not at all because we didn’t get any gifts (what an odd thing to complain about!) but because there ae no real artifacts from that day. One picture and a marriage certificate. I didn’t get my ring until a few months later even.
I eloped. My family and close friends were very hurt. I gave some warning that it would be happening to the close friends and family. I explained that it was a fairness issue: we are in Canada and our families are on different continents. We would not have enjoyed a wedding where our near and dear were forced to spend tens of thousands of dollars to attend a fifteen-minute ceremony. We were not willing to hold a ceremony that privileged one half of the couple’s family over the other. Plus, we’re gay, so the whole issue of our marriage has evolved considerably over our long relationship. Doesn’t matter: mom was okay with it, but the others are still very hurt a year later.
Given the amount of say that every friend and relative believe they should have in the various rituals and ceremonies that go to make a wedding, I think the only way a couple can expect the wedding to be about them would be by eloping. So go ahead and make your day; please elope.
My husband and I eloped (29 years ago as of Dec 9 ) and I know both sets of parents were miffed for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that we’d dated all of 4 weeks before that… But they eventually grew to accept it.
I’m not a big fan of weddings anyway, so someone’s elopement wouldn’t bother me. The only caveat would be if my daughter eloped, and that’s mainly because her first marriage choice was abominable and she divorced him 2 years later, and the current bf isn’t much better. I wouldn’t so much be upset by her eloping as I would by her choice of mate. If she happens to find a guy who isn’t a leech and who has some ambition, I’d be good with it.
I wouldnt care either way. I also don’t get the hate for attending weddings; I guess if all the weddings you went to were crappy on the guests I can imagine a negative association.
When my wife and I planned our (huge) wedding, our focus was on our guests, all 250 of them! . We got a lot of compliments on the food and music. I’ve been to a lot of fun weddings, long nights of music, dancing, good food and plenty of booze.
If the Supreme Court gets off their asses and finally takes a minute to make Gay Marriage legal, my SO and I will make our 31 1/2 year relationship legal - ASAP!
But we would never want the whole ceremony/reception thing. Just zip down to the Court House, sign the papers and that would be just fine with us.
There is nothing inherently wrong with somebody wanting to go the whole nine yards on some grand event - but I find it kind of silly to spend all that money and get people to fly from all over the earth to sit in uncomfortable chairs, in uncomfortable clothing, making uncomfortable chit-chat with strangers to be a part of some over-the-top the spectacle. I have never once had “fun” at a wedding* and would be relieved to hear good friends eloped.
I was once the “Maid of Honor” at a huge wedding. The bride had three bridesmaids and knew if she picked one to be the Maid of Honor, the other two would be pissed. Plus, I was her best Gay friend and she wanted me to be a part of the wedding. The groom thought it was a great idea as his best friend was a woman - so she was the “Best Man” for him. Needless to say, there were many strange looks from the crowd of people watching this ceremony unfold. And no - I did not go in drag. The only really awkward moment was when she handed me the bridal bouquet at the altar and I looked at her as if to say, “Why the hell are you giving this to me?” She actually burst out laughing. As the wedding took place in Arizona on Cinco de Mayo, we also had to wear sombreros at the reception…it was certainly a memorable day, but if she had eloped, I would have been more than happy NOT to have gone through it.
My much-loved niece planned to elope, and my first thought was that I had always assumed I would be at her wedding and was very sad about her choice. She later decided to have a very small wedding, which I did attend, and was happy to be there.
I don’t get the wedding hate, but maybe that is because I have been to very few, and they were all meaningful to me.
I eloped because I have seen so many people spend a ton of money and get really really stressed out by the wedding. I just didn’t want to deal with guest lists, hiring a band, choosing a location, planning a menu, etc etc. WAY too much stress.
We had a quiet little ceremony, just me, my husband and the pastor. It was nice to concentrate on this man and these vows, and not be thinking about whether the relatives would play nice or if the flower arrangements arrived on time.
On the whole I would be happy for them. I have speeches planned in my head for my sister and my best friends, but I’d save them for some other party. I just don’t know why on earth you’d get married if it weren’t for the party
I need to change my answer to: It’s fine by me, but I will think you are stupid/insane for obtaining a random piece of paper without making use of the sole reason for obtaining said piece of paper: party.
We had an unconventional wedding (courthouse, Friday afternoon, 20 guests, dinner afterward, weekend road-trip honeymoon) because that was what we wanted and could afford. Didn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone else thought because it was OUR wedding. Not theirs. I extend the same sentiment to others.
To those who are “hurt” because someone didn’t throw a big wedding, isn’t it enough that you are a part of their lives? What’s the big deal about one day? We snark on Bridezillas for making such a big hairy stink about a one-day party. Can’t the couple’s family and friends just be happy for them and enjoy their company from that day forward, without all the expense and bother?
Mind, I don’t hate weddings; I love a good party and I’ll gladly admire the wedding swag and froufrou. But if a couple decides to forgo it, that’s fine by me too.
99.9% of the time I would encourage the elopement. Save the money for your first house or something meaningful. If one of my daughters did it just because they were with a scumbag I wouldn’t approve of then I’d be pissed.
I don’t like going to weddings or funerals. I’d even be willing to pay people to elope, and I hope all my friends and acquaintances end up disappearing mysteriously when their time comes.
We eloped, kind of. Got married in Jamaica, told family about it and they were welcome to come (and a few did) but it wasn’t a big thing. We thought it was perfect, and cheap, and we are still married 12 years later. My family was thrilled to be spared all the big wedding crap, and his was pissed, but they usually are about one thing or another. My SIL spent 30k on her wedding later that year, and I think they’re still paying for it. To each their own, but I liked our $200 ceremony much better.
The reason I prefer having a wedding to eloping is the same reason I wouldn’t want a huge, expensive wedding. When we married, my wife was the human being I loved most in the world (she is currently tied for first place, while I suspect I have fallen to number two for her), but she wasn’t the only person I loved in the world. I wanted my father, my sisters, my older brother, my two best friends who might as well be sisters, my stepdaughter, my nieces and nephews, selected cousins, and my then-literary agent, present to witness that my life was forever changing for the better. In the same way, I did NOT want people from work (with two exceptions), or the pastor from my dad’s church, the vast majority of my other cousins (I have over twenty first cousins and know of thrice that many first cousins once removed, second cousins, and so forth) present, clients, my ex-literary agent, and so forth there, because I don’t care about them.
You know, that may be why I don’t share the seemingly popular wedding hate. Almost all of the weddings I have been to have been small, intimate affairs.
Someone without a definite article in their screen name should start a thread on the reasons people hate weddings.
ETA: It also occurs to me that my oldest brother and his ex did their wedding exactly right. Very short notice, true, but the only people there were family & friends, and not only was there no gift registry but presents were gently discouraged. One of our uncles officiated, my older brother and I were the groomsmen, and his very-young-soon-to-be-stepdaughter was the maid of honor. Intimate and just about love and family.
Given the crapatcular pain in the ass my own wedding was, I would be totally supportive of anyone eloping, with the exception of my kids when they get married - I’d like them to at least tell me if they’re planning to run off and get married to significant others first.
) and I know both sets of parents were miffed for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that we’d dated all of 4 weeks before that… But they eventually grew to accept it.
