I would dazzle them with my unearthly high IQ and then shame them into leaving.
I use my powers of Super-Kung-Fu[sup]tm[/sup] and break their femur with a single magic kick.
Shared walls, a 24 hour front desk, and CCTV in the halls. You’d be pretty dumb to try it, it probably wouldn’t work, and if it did work you’d get caught immediately.
My “go to” weapon is my FAL (.308 semi auto). Simply because I am very familiar with it.
In our bedroom, I have a 30 round mag of .308 on our dresser, and the metric FAL is next to it.
[Mr. T]I pity the poor fool who breaks into our house.[/Mr. T]
First, highly toxic hairspray to blind and disorient. Oh, trust me, it works.
Then: THE CURLING IRON.
We have our wedding machetes in the bedroom, otherwise we have a loud frenchie who might fart you into submission and a full knife block and assorted crowbars, hammers, etc. We do also have the flame thrower (a little one for melting snow, not weapons grade) and that would do some damage for sure but it would also catch our house on fire so I’m reluctant to use that.
Knives, numerous swords (some of which are quite pointy) as well as the spouse’s interesting weapons that he picked up at a gaming convention: one is essentially just a heavy metal rod with a leather-wrapped handle, but two others are metal rods wrapped in spiked leather. He uses them a decorations in his office, but if need be they could rearrange any potential breaker-inner’s outlook. And we have a Klingon bat’leth, but that’d be hard to get to in a hurry since it got banished to the shed.
I doubt the cats would be a deterrent. Most of them would hide, and one would walk right up to the guy and try to lick his head.
140# of Dawg with a ‘tude’.
Rest of the stuff we will use on you and then you will know. < VEG >
I pity your poor ears when you touch that thing off indoors. As well as your neighbors when the first round blasts through the unfortunate bad guy, several interior walls, your house’s wall, and goes God knows where. I sure wouldn’t want to be on the other end though. I’m in the same boat, FWIW: my deer rifle is going to annihilate my hearing and blind me with muzzle flash, if I fire it indoors. Hopefully, the Sierras that went completely to pieces within the last deer I shot, will do the same within the robber, and obviate any worry of ridiculous overpenetration. I’d love an M-4gery with a can, light, and laser, load it with something that’ll only go through 2-3 walls if I miss, and use that. Unfortunately, I have better uses for 2-3000 USD at the moment.
This assumes I can’t run away with my fiancee first. I really don’t want even the slightest risk of a fight around her. Nor do I want the dread of knowing I’ve just taken a life, no matter how justified I, or the Law, feel I would be in doing so. I don’t want the costs: lawyers, fearing retribution from Shithead’s friends/family/business associates, fearing the second-guessing I’d be doing the rest of my life. There’s the dread of sitting in a police interview room and wondering if I’d fucked up legally somehow, and would now get to be a guest of the state of Texas in some rape cage for a few years.
But I think being a victim of the robber, getting pummeled, raped, killed, and/or watching the same happen to my fiancee: I think that would be worse.
There are a couple of kitchen knives here that could do some damage, but more than likely I’d just cower in the corner with the expectation of defeat.
There’s various tools and knives around the house, but it would depend on who grabbed them first, and there’s various potentially lethal tools laying outside that they could grab hold of beforehand.
Marmite spray.
First of all, if he’s *breaking *into my house, then I’m probably OK - I have a big, strong metal door with an advanced lock, and it’s always barred when I’m in the house. You’d need a portable ram to get inside, and that would still take you a few minutes.
But say he did get inside - I have a phone, of course. First thing is call the police. Besides that, I have a baseball bat, a couple of very sharp chef’s knives, a 6-foot claymore in the closet and my ace in the hole, a hammer on a shelf by the front door. I always keep a good hammer by the front door. First of all, it’s a surprisingly good weapon, and you don’t need as much space to swing as a baseball bat. Second of all, unlike a baseball bat or, say, a gun, no-one looks twice at a hammer on a shelf - most people just assume you’d been hanging pictures. A hammer gives you perfect deniability.
I have in my room a clay pot with utensils, like pencils, nail clippers and, yes, a sturdy screwdriver. I don’t live my life in fear or nothing like that (not that any burglar would find anything in my house but disappointment and cheap furniture) but, in case there’s ever a bump in the night, that’s my contingency plan.
What a silly question. I just leave the house as quickly as i can ( our bedrooms are on ground level) and then yell “fire” untill one of my six neighbours wakes up.
Crossbow, compound bow, recurve bow, 357 colt in the night stand, 22 hand gun, 9mm handgun, 12 guage shotgun, 20 guage shotgun, .30-06 rifle, 308 rifle, Hubby’s other three rifles, machete, hammers, knives and five very cranky cats.
Hit him in the head with a paint can
Well, we rarely lock the doors. But assuming they where -
We do have pepper spray in a few places in the houses, and two 60 lb dogs. But frankly, I’d just want the dogs to make noise (which they would make plenty of) If the intruder was still trying to get in I’d get the dogs and me and my Wife upstairs and grab my .357. I hope I could remain calm enough to tell my Wife to cover her ears before I shot.
Me.
what
Did somebody try to break in earlier?
The prison kitty will get shot, most likely with a Beretta PX4 ultra-compact 9mm, if he does not flee in a direction that I consider non-threatening or surrender immediately. There are other guns and a myriad of edged weapons around here, but the Beretta is my carry piece so it is loaded and handy.