Leet the Wonder Dog[sup]TM[/sup], who is loud and does not like strangers. I have a shotgun, and I know where my son keeps his AK-47 and another rifle.
I have a mop and bucket to clean up whatever is left over.
Regards,
Shodan
No actual weapons. Certainly no guns.
Hmmm, let’s see. My husband has a ceremonial sword hanging on the wall of his home office, but I don’t think it’s sharp enough to slice bread much less do any damage to an intruder. Nor do I suppose that either my husband or I would be capable of leaping into commando mode and attacking anybody.
We have the world’s friendliest dog. He would bark if someone tried to get into the house which might be a deterrent. The dog is very bonded to the family so I wonder whether he would protect us if he thought the intruder was a danger. But equally he might offer the intruder some of his toys and try to engage him in a game of fetch.
A few well-placed criticisms about his social skills and perhaps a pointed remark about his parentage.
Yikes! What a scary thread!
I’m calling the police, screaming, running out the back door, and crossing my fingers Tibby and Mr. Snickers are nearby.
24-hour radio security and bars on every opening…
Basically the same. As my old training sergeant would say, I’m a fairly deadly person when needed and whatever is near my hand may end your life if you threaten me and mine. Gun, knife, newspaper, car keys — no warning given.
All I need is my phone.
I click the shortcut that brings up this thread, show it to the intruder, and say “these are my people. Now you know what kind of hardcase badasses you’re dealing with.”
He wets his pants, lets out a girlish shriek and bolts, leaving a man-shaped hole in the wall and a Hamburglar mask fluttering to the floor.
Angry cats.
Baseball bat and a person who hates to wake up unexpectedly.
Ability to make explosives out of stuff normally found in the home.
The firearm I shouldn’t bother to mention since it’s locked up. Maybe I could brain the intruder with the gun safe.
Litterbox bombs.
Car keys, knives, whatever. I know enough anatomy to make it count.
Cordless drill.
Yeah, people like to talk tough, but a real and present danger changes everything, even for people trained for it.
I’d just have to turn on the light. I sleep in the nude.
If that didn’t work, I’d turn around and moon him (My prolapsed hemorrhoids would scare away Genghis Khan).
If that didn’t work, out comes the photo of my ex-wife—nude.
We’re pretty helpless. No weapons or defensive skills. But, as long as no one breaks in, we’ll be okay.
I have a barking dog, and a couple of sharpened spoons.
I’m not familiar with that breed.
The spoons are spoons in the literal sense. The dog is Catahoula.
https://www.google.com/search?q=catahoula+leopard+dog&biw=1600&bih=787&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=hc8FVZn3C8SxggTUyYOwCA&sqi=2&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#tbm=isch&q=catahoula+&imgdii=_
oops: duplicate
[URL=“https://www.google.com/search?q=catahoula+leopard+dog&biw=1600&bih=787&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=hc8FVZn3C8SxggTUyYOwCA&sqi=2&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#tbm=isch&q=catahoula+&imgdii=_”]
My best deterrent is the security of my doors (hurricane proof) and windows (hurricane resistant impact glass) - good luck breaking in. There’s also the home security system (they don’t have to know that we don’t pay to have it monitored; the signs should dissuade them, and the loud blaring sound from pressing the panic button should garner unwanted attention).
If they do get in, my wife has a nice collection of kitchen knives. Or I could improvise some kung fu shit with a broom. Then again, a can of hairspray and a lighter make a decent flame thrower.
And if all else fails, there’s always Ruby, my Boston Terrier. She can be quite nippy.
When my husband and I got married my cousin got us a gift. Now, you have to understand the weirdness of my cousin. He buys gas a gallon at a time to “stick it to the man.” He refused to participate in our grandfather’s funeral because he doesn’t believe in Jesus and decided it was more important to confuse my 80 year old grandma and try to metaphorically punch god in the groin or whatever than just be there for family in a difficult time. He got a master’s in Russian literature because he wanted to get the most useless possible degree. So when he showed up with this incredibly long package I thought, “Oh, please don’t be a dildo. Please don’t be a dildo.” When we opened it we discovered he had purchased us matching machetes and rain ponchos as our wedding gift, along with a poem about how marriage is like climbing a mountain and you need to be prepared for the journey. In all honesty it was the least weird gift we could have expected from him.
Hey, I resemble that remark. 
That is no more than somewhat true. People will fight as they have trained, in general. Thus, the tremendous amounts of time and resources spent on training by the military and police worldwide. Even as backward an organization as the USMC recognizes this. I have been trained by the military and LE. Similar training is readily available to any private citizen who wants it.
I don’t know the man at all but I find that unbelievably sweet.