I still have my nut coozies…
This is very sad to me. I orgasm really easily and the thought of never having an orgasm makes me sad in my soul. If I could share my orgasms with you I totally would! Wait, that sounds different than what I intended it to sound like…
I appreciate the sentiment
Santo, nothing you say or do shocks me anymore. Not after watching you eat mashed potatoes. 
Oh lawdee lawd! Where to begin?? This is SO not what I planned on doing at 2:30am after taking an Ambien but I gotta chime in here.
This is actually perfect. I’m in India right now on this self-acceptance kick and one of the teachings here deals with personal truth and complete honesty. So here goes…
I have a rather hairy posterior and, though it sicks me out to no end, I have no idea what to do about it. I’m just too freakin lazy for daily or even weekly shavings and, call me shirly, but pouring hot wax in my pooper shooter just don’t sound much like a bucket of giggles to me. I don’t grow much body hair anywhere else though, a few stray nipple hairs aside (tweezed on sight) which is odd. I don’t even grow facial hair other than a junior high mustache and a little on the chinny chin chin. Good one, universe.
I went through a ‘hey, lets’ stick things in my bum’ stage at one point some time ago (talk about self-exploratory). I limited myself mostly to fingers and the backs of pens, though I did try a dildo I found in my parents closet once. (I like to think I cleaned it really well first but … I’m not entirely sure) It didn’t even come close to fitting and I felt pretty ashamed for quite some time thereafter. Rightfully so.
When I was a small child (preschool, I think) I once intentionally pooped on the floor of the school bathroom. I seem to remember a girl walking in during the act (along with a substantial amount of out-freaking) which leads me to belive that it was possibly even the girls bathroom.
I also used to poop my pants just for the fun of it. Lord knows why. I was a strange youngster.
Speaking of preschool: At the end of the day when the parents arrives to pick up their child, an announcement is made over the loudspeaker in our classroom for that particular kid to come to the office. I used to take great joy in telling whomever was unfortunate enough to be sitting near me that his name had already been announced and his parents were waiting for him. Said child would scamper excitedly to the office, only to return moments later, dejected and broken while I laughed like a loony toon.
I was a bastard.
My stepfather used to find this absolutely hilarious. My mother… not so much.
Speaking of my mother, I once had sex with another guy.
Well, sorta. I was like nine years old and it wasn’t really sex in the grown-up sense; it was more like a sort of amusing game a friend and I played once or twice. There was no kissing involved and there was definitely never a…er… grand finale so to speak. I don’t think it was even driven by any sort of sexual impulse. We honestly had no clue what it was that we were doing. It seemed normal enough to us, a game like any other. It wasn’t until many years later that the memory came a-rearin’ (heh) its ugly head (wait…I did WHAT?!?). I don’t think I’m gay in the “I’m sexually attracted only to men” way, as I’m clearly attracted to the womenfolk. At the very most, I’m bisexual, skewed a bit toward the ‘straighter’ side of the scale. I’ve gone through hypothetical senarios in my head and, though I’m not ruling out the possibility, I don’t think I could ever go through with anything in that realm. To be honest, guys by nature are sort of disgusting. I don’t know how you women put up with us…
I’ve never, ever, told this to another living soul. I confessed it to a corpse once, but that’s another story. Completely ruined my grandmother’s funeral for me…
Wow, looking back on all this it seems like I was stuck a long time in the ‘anal’ stage of childhood development. S’cuse me, Mr. Freud? A quick word?
I think it’s time for bed now…
Maybe it didn’t work because the girl lives in a nunnery??
Not that I wouldn’t, if she offered. Just sayin’.
I’ve had dreams about this very thing…
Showing off is fun!
Hopes she believes that I was showing off the whole weekend, and that I’m not naturally a goofball
Well, my calendar is now wide open…
NP, just funnin’ ya. I mean, it’s true, but my answer was just tossed off, so to speak
Joe
Ok, I cave. You got me beat. I had no saline or sponges or breathing tubes or gauze to catch effluvia.
I did, however, have Tylenol with codeine, with worked all right for a day or two but eventually had me clawing at my own face in full-goose psycho-claustrophobic panic. I have not knowingly consented to opiate painkillers since.
Santo, darling, you have set a new bar for disgusting behavior here at that Dope. And that is REALLY saying something. I don’t know whether to barf or cheer, now, when I see your posts.
OK, now, Illuminatiprimus, I think we need an “Ask the …” thread from you. I have a lot of questions. Did I just miss it, or have you done an Ask The Former Prostitute thread? I’ve thought for quite some time that you’re a singular individual, and, well, as I said, I have some questions.
Comfy Chair that’s quite a spoiler box full o’ secrets. However, I don’t think most of what you’ve written hasn’t been done in the annals of childhood weird behavior! Hope after your Ambien wears off you don’t regret sharing.
I did think of another TMI, which is VERY TAME comparatively, here … when I was about 10 I took an enormous poo outside in a shed apparently built to shelter construction equipment in a new subdivision. I was under the mistaken impression that it was a big Port O Potty, apparently. I remember being appalled how much larger the pile was than what my doggie deposited in the yard on a regular basis.
Why do I keep reading this thread?? :smack::D:D
Because you love it!
Flattery will get your everywhere Ellen.
I thought a while ago I might do an “Ask the former rent boy” thread, maybe I’ll start one up…
Okay, back for round two.
ever since my roommate moved out in October, all my alone time has been conducted with the aid of powder-free latex gloves.
You know, if somebody related Santo Rugger’s story to me, then asked me, “What sport does this person play?” I’d be able to immediately say “rugby.” Every rugby player I’ve ever known, from Canada to England to Wales to the US, broke the TMI scale. (OK, only some of the rugger women got up to TMI levels.) Must be something in the scrum there.
I’m not anonymous enough on this board so nothing from me here.
For a specific reason or just because?
QFT
Santo, I found part of your weekend description appalling: somewhere out there they make adults do book reports?!:eek:
feels good man