I awoke this morning with an erection.
I lust after 45+ yr old women.
I use a sea sponge instead of tampons.
I shave my ears.
I just ripped one. Oops, there we go again.
Doesn’t this make the sea sponge sea red?
I have a turtlehead right now.
(Not sure how common this expression is, but it basically refers to needing to go #2 so badly that a little head peeks out and gets sucked back in :eek: )
I don’t floss my teeth as often as I should. (I’m getting better, though.)
I am trying to get pregnant, so I check my cervical mucus everyday, several times a day. “Hmmm…yep, clear and stringy…it’s fertile!”
I pee in the shower. I don’t know how TMI that is, though.
Yesterday, after masturbation, I used an old T shirt to wipe the ejactulate off my pant leg.
Direct quote from my doctor, said while he was stitching me up pretty much immediately after I gave birth: “You ripped clear to your anus.” Quote from my surgeon at my follow up appointment two weeks after having my gall bladder removed: “It [whatever it is he saw after he cut my gall bladder open; he said it was “like snot”] was the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Me: “Cool!” 
I can’t help, but laugh.
I had sleep apnea so I had uvulaplasty done last year. The uvula is the thing that hangs down at the back of people’s throats except not me because I don’t have one anymore.
I orally brought my wife to five or six orgasms last night.
When I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t shave my legs in the “pants season” when it’s cold.
I have a pilonidal cyst. Google it. Beware, you have been warned.
You poor bastard. Best of luck…
I wish this one was still true. 
Up until November 1st, I had 2 uteruses. It made me feel so unique - I loved peoples expressions when I told them. But I had surgery and they combined the two into one big one. Sniffle
Wow. Hot.