Brad, remember the time you came to visit and asked if I was pissed with you because you stole my first girlfriend from me and tore my heart out, and I said no?
I lied.
Mom, you did good.
Yes Mum, every landmine you set whilst dying blew up in my face.
Guess what? I had stopped letting your shit hurt me years before, you should have picked a target you could damage.
As I recall, your last words were “Sefton, you fiend! You’ll never get away with this!”
Well I did. 
Darling, I may have neglected to tell you the safe word was “Oklahoma.”
Animae dimidium meae, nunc et semper; desidero.
“Mom, you left my brother the house and an extra $80,000; now will you admit he was your favorite?”
R and D,
I love you guys. I never thought I wouldn’t have the chance to tell you ever again.
Julia,
I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough. I should have known better. Losing you is the greatest regret of my life. There is no one to blame but me. Please forgive me.
This is bizarre, but my late husband and I had an exterminator we adored. Little tiny old man, funny as hell-Marlon the Roach Killer. “I don’t controls them, I kills them” was his slogan.
Someone beat him to death about 20 yrs ago, for the $65 dollars he had.
About 3 years ago, 8 yrs. after my husband’s death, the guy who beat poor old Marlon to death, found god. And turned himself in at the behest of his pastor and his father.
And, damn, I wanted to tell my husband so badly!!
So Jesus, what’s the real deal?
I don’t think this is bizarre at all. Makes perfect sense.
And I’m glad Marlon’s death finally got solved.
Also: what does the “H” stand for?
To my first husband, Steve: You said you hoped I would get married again. You said you wanted me to find love and happiness after you died. I said I never would. You were right. You can’t meet him though because that would be awkward. Oh, and Obama got re-elected. You were right about that, too.
To my dad: Mom’s doing okay. I’m back in school. The new pope picked FRANCIS!
Grandpa, I think we had a chiffchaff today, or possibly some other warbler (I couldn’t hear because I was inside). Only, it was eating mint! What’s up with that?! 
I miss you Grandpa!
OpalCat, how can I help?
“You didn’t deserve to die over it, but dammit, you shouldn’t have been having sex with married women, you fucking idiot.”
Got beer?
“Hey, Dad, thanks for ruining my life. Oh, and had I known that you had abused my mom, you would have left this world a lot sooner.”
And to Rodney: Man, I’m so, so very sorry that you are gone. Love you, man! (If you see my Dad, tell him thanks for ruining hh’s life.)