Is there someone who is dead, that you wish you could talk to one last time and tell them something?
“Hey dad you know when we talked about you and mom when I was a young kid…well you were right, I agree with you 100%”
“Thank you for everything, I love you”
My dad once told me when his father was dying he refused to tell him he loved him, instead just saying he loved all of his children. That this hurt him deeply for his entire life, I love you dad and I wish you had got the chance to tell me you loved me too.
Mom, I’m sorry I lost patience with you a couple times as I was guiding you on your journey to death…but I hope I did ok with you…I was numb with shock the entire month before you died…and I miss you so bad…it’s still devestating 2 1/2 years later! I love you!!!
I would say “Aunt J, I have never been so shocked or happy as when I realized that you left me an inheritance when you went. I visited you, emailed you, took care of you when you were sick because I love you, not because I wanted anything back for it. That said, words cannot describe the relief of no longer living paycheck to paycheck and worrying about food or rent if I lose hours or lose my job. I was able to get a new vehicle and now I can travel around a bit and not worry so much. You didn’t even know at the time that I was divorcing and rebuilding my life- what a gift that I didn’t have to worry about being disabled and on my own with no resources to get myself back on my feet. I’ll never stop being grateful, ever. I think about you every single day and I loved you so much.”
I’d like to say ‘dad, these are your granddaughters, here’s your grandson. They’re very very happy to meet you’. And, ‘mum, they’re all still doing great’. And to both of them ‘we love you, we miss you still’.
I am very lucky. I haven’t lost anyone truly close… ever, I guess. My last grandparent died when I was about 9, and I have only vague memories of the four of them. Parents alive, etc.
I have more ideas about what I’d say to survivors after I die.
Cuz, we didn’t know you were dying of AIDS. Please don’t think we abandoned you because we were embarrassed, or were judging you. We didn’t know. No one told us. We didnt care you were gay.
(This was in the mid '80s, it always worries me that he might have thought we were rejecting him.)
My dear sweet Mama, I deeply regret not spending more time with you before you passed away. I let my disgust and anger toward Daddy keep me away. I shouldn’t have let that come between us. It was 12 years ago March 4th that I lost you and I think about you every day and wish with all my heart that you were here so that I could make up for all the lost time. I would hug you close and tell you how much I love you over and over. My heart aches when i think about you… no one else will ever have a more beautiful smile. You were such a beautiful, sweet, kind soul and deserved so much more from life than you received… I miss you, Mama.
“Granny, I’m bisexual. And I’d like you to meet my girlfriend.”
My grandmother died about a year before I figured out my sexuality, and if she’d been around I think she would have been one of the first people I told. And I’m sure she and my GF would adore each other.
And also: “Granny, I’ve decided to become a nurse, like you and mum and your mum. I know you might be surprised, since I was all gung ho about getting into medical school when you died. That didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean this is about me settling. Once I realised I didn’t have to follow the hardest path and get the most prestigious degree to be true to myself - and, let’s be honest, to impress Grandpa - I realised that nursing has everything I was really hoping to find in medicine, with the hands on patient care and the skill and responsibility to take care of people and help them heal. I’m two years into my degree, and I love it. I’ve said this before, but I don’t know if you could hear me, so I’ll say it again: I admire you so much. You’re my role model. I hope I can be as good a nurse as you were … and speaking of that, any advice?”
Dad, I wish you had listened to your doctor and controlled your diabetes better. Eating whatever you want and then injecting more and more insulin is not the way to do it. You have two adorable grandchildren who will never know you, and that makes me incredibly sad.
That being said, I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye the last time I saw you. I don’t know why I was in such a hurry to leave that day, but I could’ve taken the two minutes to walk down the hall, poke my head in the computer room, and say goodbye.
Uncle Rogel U., thank you for the times when you visited me, and when you’d play ping pong or chess with me for hours. Those were great times, and my own dad hardly spent time like that with me. Thank you.
The first anniversary of my dads death is coming up. (It was Good Friday last year). I don’t really know what I would say, I just wish we could have talked one more time.
I spent the last days of my mom’s life by her bedside and I was able to tell her I loved her, but I wish I had told her that I was going to miss her.
It was sort of a long-standing thing between us for years as I lived in different places around the country, far away from her, that she would ask me if I missed her and I would always be truthful (believing “truthful” to be superior to being “kind” – this is dumb) and say no, adding “because I can always call you!” when I noticed her feelings were hurt. Which they inevitably were.
Of course now I actually do miss her and can’t tell her that.
I also wish that her brain tumors hadn’t left her unable to speak to me in those last days. She could understand what I was saying, but she couldn’t form words to speak. I would have liked to have one last conversation about anything.
Once I was sitting at a stoplight looking at the gas station next to me which was advertising gas for $4.29 and cigarettes for $5.25 per pack, and how I wished I could tell that to my dad. Not sure he’d have believed me.
I was like you, until 2008, and 2011, when mom and dad passed away, respectively. It is pretty hard when you are exposed to this for the first time with your own parents. IMHO the lesson from this thread is to say how you feel to people before it is too late.
I was able to spend some time with mom when she was in the hospital, before the pain killers took over, and still lucid, before she was sent to the convalescent hospital, where she died a few weeks later. I am thankful I was able to tell her that I love her and have her be able to acknowledge it. Right before she died, I told her we were all going to be okay. If I could say something to her now, it would be “Mom, we are all still OK, please don’t worry. I wanted to give you and update on me, and your grandkids…”.
When dad passed away, it was my turn to handle everything he did for mom. I got to spend the weekend with him in the hospital, and got to talk a lot. I told him I love him and thanked him for everything. If I could say something to him now, I would ask him what happened between him and mom years ago that lead to their divorce, and subsequent re-marry a few years later. I’d also tell him one of his pieces of art will be hung in a public place - he’d like that. And, that I put his ashes right next to moms.
All of this warm fuzzy stuff. I wish I’d told my mom off for all her self-absorbed pointless crap before she died. Something like, “normal people give up having temper tantrums by age ten”. Wouldn’t have done her any good (nor any real harm) but would have made me feel like less of a pushover.
Mom, you are my real mother. Despite all of our differences, despite the fact that we didn’t get along and had major issues, that other woman didn’t do anything but birth me. You are still my mother.