Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote a show called The Beautiful Game, which was about Irish football (socceer). I first heard it during the 2000 Subway Series, and the title song
VIVA THE BEAUTIFUL GAME, became
VIVA THE YANKEES AND METS!
I still have the lyrics. If any Doper wants them, you can e-mail me. But I ain’t waiting by the computer.
Latest to Kylie’s “Can’t Get You Outta My Head.”
Can’t get you offa my face,
your penis is all I need right now,
I just can’t get you offa my face,
protein is in my diet any how.
One time, while in the bathroom (where I have all of my most profound thoughts), I came up with a parody of Simon & Garfunkel’s “Cecilia”:
Cecilia, you’re making me fart,
You’re giving me flatulence daily.
Cecilia, I’m down on my knees,
I’m begging you please for Bean-O.
Eating beans in the afternoon,
With Cecilia, in my dining room.
I got up to cut the cheese,
When I come back to eat, she has taken my beans…
I think it should be obvious by now that I was about 9 or 10 when I came up with that…
A little musical ditty come up with in the mid-80’s by the masters in my Family, has fallen to classic standards. I can’t even sing it right anymore!
Apoplogies to the Rolling Stones
Good by Boobie Ruby
Who could hang a bra on you?
Your tits change with every new day
Still you’re stuffing tissues !
Again Apologies to Fleetwood Mac
Lick my thighs
lick my sweet little thighs
( Lick my, lick my thighs)
Oh no no, you can’t discuise…
Your need to lick my thighs!
Even worse:eek: But no Apoplogies as we * just know* he wouldn’t care. An obsure Frank Zappa bit. (deticated to my buddie Lee after getting busted in the act by his brother)
Sir Lee pump-a-Banner.Tales of a demented bed boffer
(you Zappa fans out there. Did you think it possible to improve on the original for weirdness?)
I used to know a ton of one liners. “Born to Cum”…“Freeloading” etc… but be damned if I can remember right now. Too early… not enough caffine…:wally
I Second That Emotion by Smokey Robinson is much funnier if you corrupt the chorus to:
Well if you feel like giving me
A lifetime of servility
I second that emotion
My take on the same song:
“Feed me flies, feed me sweet little flies
(Feed me flies, feed me, feed me flies)
Oh no no, you can’t disguise
Those sweet little flies”
But wait, there’s more…
“I Get Weak” (Belinda Carlisle?)
“I get hives when you’re next to me
Hives rom your touch
I just sneeze when I look in your eyes”
However - my best effort was an (incomplete) tribute to Mystery Science Theater 3000 ala “American Pie”
**A long, long time ago
I can still remember how MST began to make us smile
Joel Robinson worked in a lab
For Dr. F who was a crab
and needed someone to torture for a while…
So he sent Joel up into space
The SOL became his base
Bad movies on the doorstep
Joel kept his cool, he’s no schlep
He built some friends, the robot Crow
Cambot, Gypsy and Tom Servo
Off to the theater they would go
When they got movie sign…
But now we’re singin’
Bye-bye Best Brains girls and guys
Ten great seasons left us grievin’ when you said your goodbyes
We laughed so hard, the tears would fall from our eyes
Thanks to Comedy Central and to Sci Fi
KTMA, CC and to Sci Fi **
Its potty time
Time to get you outta my colon…
Okay I am sick I admit it.
You’ll probably never hear the Beach Boys sing my
updated version of I Get Around
Verse 1:
I’m gettin’ bugged walkin’ up and down.
Depends always drip.
I got a bad toupee
And a re-place-ment hip.
My buddies and me
Are gettin’ so damn old.
About half of us are dead
In the ground growin’ cold.
refrain:
They’re in the ground.
And that’s where I’m bound.
Ain’t got a tooth in my head.
I can’t even chew bread.
Verse2:
We always take my car.
Oldsmobiles are so neat.
And we’re called ‘Sir’ or ‘Grandpa’
By the girls we meet.
None of the guys walk steady.
We’re all losing our sight.
My best girl died in a nursing home
Last Saturday night.
repeat refrain