Song Paradies: Does your household have 'em?

Cafe Society
1

We do this at home all the time. It’s probably because our family belongs on The WB and not in Brooklyn— No one can sing in my house without somebody butting in with stupid, made-up lyrics. Here’s one my daughter made up when she was in the 4th grade. The original lyrics to the kiddie song went something like this:

My daughter’s version:

She’s got a lotta nerve, considering the love she developed for Britny and Nsync. Here’s one I love to sing really loudly while Nsync is playing.

One for Houseman who likes to make believe he’s above the insanity, but I caught him singing to our son

So please, reassure me that my family and I won’t be the only ones at the therapist’s office and post your own made up song paradies.

Please!

2

Yep, we got 'em.

To the tune of “I want it that Way” By the Backstreet Boys"

See, this is what a nine year old boy can do.

3

This one’s been forming slowly in my head for a couple’a days now…

Who’s the black Jedi Knight with a purple sword of light?
MACE!
You damn right!

Who’s the badass Jedi Master who’ll save us from disaster?
MACE!
Can ya dig it?

This Jedi won’t cop out when there’s danger all about.
MACE!
Right on!

That Mace Windu is one bad mutha–
Shut yo mouth!
I’m just talkin’ 'bout Mace!
We can dig it!

He’s a complicated man
but no one understands him like Yoda…
Mace Windu!

4

Our version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer:

Rudolph the red haired reindeer
had a very bad dye job.
And if you ever saw it
You’d say he should get his money back.
All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names (like Bozo the clown)
they never let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games (like strip poker)
Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say,
“Rudolph with your hair so bright,
won’t you get it cut tonight”
Then all the reindeer loved him
and they shouted out with glee,
“Rudolph the red haired reindeer
you should sell hair products on QVC!”

Yeah, we’re a sick bunch.

5

Any song is rendered instantly hilarious by replacing “you” with “Lou” (our cat’s name is Lou) and changing many random words to “kitten.”

Really. Try it some time.

"Lou never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your kittens,
There’s no tenderness like before in your kitten-tips.
Lou’s trying hard not to show it (Kitten . . .) but Louie, Louie I know it!
Lou’s lost that kitten feeling!
Who-oh, that kitten feeling!
Lou lost that kitten feeling now it’s gone, gone, gone. . . "

I’m sure the cat wonders why all the songs on the radio are about her.

6

To the tune of “All-Star” by Smashmouth:

Hey now, you’re an asshole
pack your shit up
go away

7

Mr. Kat sings “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine…” as “It’s the end of the world, have a donut, jelly-filled.”

8

Well, there was a time a couple of years ago when I would start off the chorus to Led Zeppelin’s “Over the Hills and Far Away” as:

Of course, the chorus really starts out with:

My brother likes to add or substitute the word “booty” in many of the songs he sings that come on the radio. That, or he’ll go off on some tangent about how farts smell stinky, or something. Keep in mind, he’s 20 years old! sigh

F_X

9

For Supergrass’s “Alright”, just substitute every line with: We have teeth, we have teeth, we have teeth, we have teeth…

10

Here are a couple of parodies I wrote in about 1972 when I was in college (I was 30, but I got a late start).
CRAM-A-LOT
(Sung to the tune of “Camelot”)

You’ve been attending classes since September,
But studies occupied the second slot.
Important notes from class you can’t remember,
So you Cram-a-lot.

You slept in class right up until the bell rang,
And friends said “here” for you when you were not.
But friends won’t study for you, such a swell gang,
So you Cram-a-lot.

Cram-a-lot,
Cram-a-lot,
Till you can pass the test, and then…

If you Cram-a-lot,
Cram-a-lot,
You’ll do it all again.

If your teeth ever had a skin upon them,
By summer they assuredly will not.
If you resolve today,
To study hard, then play,
By next term’s finals week you will not have to Cram-a-lot!

CRAM
(Sung to the tune of “Mame”)

Exam week’s here and what do you do?
Cram!
You missed class notes because of the “flu,”
Cram!
You’ve been pro-cras-ti-nating,
And putting off your study till the last.
Now your heart’s pal-pi-tating,
‘Cause Western Civ’s tomorrow, and you’re gassed!
The loss of sleep is making you sick.
Cram!
If you pass this time, it’s a good trick.
Cram!
It’s just like last semester,
Ac-ti-vi-ties kept getting in the way.
If you get through it this time you’ll
Work hard next term and breeze right through.
But now you must continue to CRAM!

I probably spent more time on stuff like this than I did studying.

11

Ours are generally fragments of songs, not entire songs. For example:

“The Underpants Song.” This basically consists of the word “Underpants” being sung to the tune of “Hooray for Hollywood,” with filler syllables in between: “Underpants! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da…Underpants!” Repeat as needed.

12

For some reason, Kylie videos seem to inspire parodic reactions from the spouse and myself. Hence:

Spinning Around:
“Hey!
Look at my butt!
It’s hanging out!
I shrunk my shorts down at the laun-dro-mat…”

and Can’t Get You Out of My Head:
“Well I just keep falling out of my clothes
But it means that my sales keep going up…”

13

My lewd husband likes to modify Christmas tunes…

**Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap it’s grand **
Just holding your gland

among many other.

Needless to say, a holiday season does not conclude without a beverage coming out of my nose and/or a need for the Heimlich maneuver.

14

Most parodies revolve around the Spooner-dog…

SmashMouth - All Star
** Hey now, you’re a pup-dog
Out in the yard - you play!
Hey now, you’re a pup-dog
Don’t do nothin’ all day
All that glitters is fuzz…**

“Skip to My Lou”
Raggy bone, raggy bone, ball ball ball!
Raggy bone, raggy bone, ball ball ball!
Raggy bone, raggy bone, ball ball ball!
Driving the Spooner crazy…

That or changing lyrics to R or X rated versions… nothing comes (heh) to mind at the moment…

15

This is not household specific, but “Pomp and Circumstance” always results in the following:

My reindeer flies sideways,
Your reindeer flies upside down
(there are more verses here I can’t remember)
My reindeer is lilac,
Yours is a pea-green,
My reindeer’s a Girl Scout;
She can dig a latrine.

My high school best friend always referred to Sinéad O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares 2 U” as “I Have No Hair, It’s True”.

16

I’m in great company. I have a ton of 70’s and 80’s R&B, the two older boys, the wife and I can modify any of these songs to fit a moment. My best was probably “Shut-up” sung to the music “Word Up” by Cameo.

17

My dad doesn’t exactly parody songs, he just …I can’t explain

For example, back a while when Wham had a record being overplayed on the radio, my dad picked up on the lyric "guilty feet have got no rhythm he would wander the house singing that line over and over and over…he thought that it was the funniest song he ever heard.

Then there was the Simply Red song that had a line “holding me, holding me, aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh” Dad still runs around singing that only his ‘aaaaaaahhhhhhh’ sounds like a cat being strangled by a garden hose.

He finds words and phrase that appeal to his bizzare ear, and then repeats them over and over.

One night while my sisters and I were in high school, (late 80’s) we happened to be sitting in the kitchen with our friend, Lori trying to decide what kind of pizza to order. All of a sudden
Lori starts laughing. Us sisters were baffled as to what was so funny. When Lori could talk again, she told us that our dad had popped into the kitchen and yelled “PIZZA PIZZA” (a la Little Caesar) We hadn’t even noticed because we had learned to tune him out.
Now, when I call my Mom, I can hear Dad ‘singing’ in the backround. She doesn’t hear him either. Ironically, my older sister’s husband does the same thing. I think Mr. Cynical does it too. Who says you don’t marry your parents?

18

Howard of the Mounties (no apologies to Kenny Rogers)

"Promise me, son, that you’ll bite your woman’s buns.
Wear a two-day stubble when you can.
Folks won’t think you’re queer if you have another beer,
Damn right you’ve got to drink to be a man!

They had all referred to him as Howard of The Mounties."

That happened when I heard Kenny Rogers’ two-handkerchief weeper about The Cowbell of The County about twenty times too many. I wrote to my friend in prison and told him of the new lyrics. He replied, saying rude things about my mother. He warned me never to touch George Jones’s “Two Story House.” I didn’t.

19

I know a guy who actually sings pretty well at karioke, parodies this song “Dead or Alive” for like 3 minutes

“I’m a drunkard
and I drink when I drive,
I’m wanted,
D-W-I”

he replaces some other phrases I think “six pack” for six gun, etc.

He doesn’t do karioke as much any more. He lives in the burbs and lost his license a few months ago…anybody want to guess why? Yup.

he also could do “Burning down the house” after falling asleep with a candle (and a girl and a lot of booze) and waking up to a fire that gutted his apartment two years ago. Guy has problems. He’s lucky to be alive.

20

When my children were younger and in the toilet-training stage, and we were spending all that time waiting around the can while they strained to do their business, so we could give them a proper wipe when it was all over, I used to sing every contempo pop song which included the word “party,” especially as a verb (and my goodness, there are a lot of them), only substituting “potty.”

There’s gonna be a potty tonight
A potty tonight
I know…

– Ukulele “It’s my potty and I’ll cry if I want to” Ike