I hate you, you hate me
Let’s gang up and kill Barney
With a scream and a splat and a lot of blood and gore
No more purple dinosaur
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
throw your teacher overboard
and listen to her scream
Five days later
Floatin’ down the Delaware
Chewin’ on her underwear
Cain’t afford another pair
Eight days later
Eaten by a grizzly bear
and that how the
grizzly bear died
The ones in MAD Magazine were always the best:
School days, school days,
They are hot, not cool, days.
Burning and bombing from hour to hour,
Fighting for Black and for Student Power.
Here come the fuzz in battle dress
Getting their lumps from SDS.
You’d better drop out of school, I guess.
It’s worse being dead than unread!
O telephone, O telephone,
At Christmas time we’re singing!
'Cause telephone, dear telephone,
Our loved ones you are ringing!
We call Aunt Sue in Portland, Maine,
And get a drugstore in Fort Wayne!
O telephone, O telephone,
Frustration you are bringing!
O telephone, O telephone,
Our call’s been misdirected!
Though telephone, dear telephone,
You claim that you’re perfected!
We know why you work sloppily:
You’re owned by a monopoly!
O telephone, O telephone,
We’ve just been disconnected!
New, new my heart is new,
Straight from a man in Kalamazoo!
New, new, my kidney’s new!
They had a sale,
I could have bought two!
New, new, my liver’s new,
If it gives out, a trade-in will do!
New, new, my stomach’s new,
It’s guaranteed till '72!
Late last year,
When I went insane,
I just shopped
For a slightly used brain!
New, new, my lungs are new,
So is my spleen, my pancreas too.
New, new, I’ve so much new,
I’m a new man,
But I’m not sure who!
I still remember this one to this day:
White Sheepdog, sung to the tune of White Christmas
I’m screaming at a white sheepdog
Each time he sits upon my chair.
It’s a thing I’m dreading
The way he’s shedding
And coats everything with hair.
I’m screaming at a white sheepdog.
If he should visit you some night
May his bark be worse than his blight
And may all your furniture be white.