Yes.
Then you know and don’t care. Fair enough.
Cliques suck. They really, really do.
That said, you are going to be miserable at work if you expect to be appreciated. If people at the office like you, that’s nice. If they don’t, oh well, they suck. The only thing anyone can really expect out of their job is a paycheck. Anything else is just a bonus. You can’t look to your job (or the people there) to provide you with affirmation, a social life, friendships, sympathy, etc. It’s not designed to do that, and you’re spending 1/3 of your waking hours in a rage because you’re expecting too much.
Yes, it sucks that they do it for everyone else and not you. It’s natural to feel slighted in a situation like this, but after 3 years, chances are it’s not going to change. You can either grow an ulcer stewing about it, or you can accept it.*
I’m sure you’ve got friends and family that think you’re great. Stuff like this (surgeries, birthdays) is their domain.
Why are you worrying about a lack of a birthday card from people you don’t like anyway? These people are either extremely dense or total jerks: either way, they’re evidently not people that you’d want to be friends with. Consider it a badge of honor: the jerks are slighting you because they see something in you that they don’t like (a good heart).
- Or, better yet, you can start taking steps to get out of there. Why limit yourself to just FedEx? You’re in good shape; why not take the Civil Service test and become a mail carrier? Fresh air, exercise every day, and most of the time it’s just you, your mailbag, and your inflated hourly wage and benefits. What’s not to like?
Abbie Carmichael wrote
Do you really believe she was slighted? I.e. do you really believe someone somewhere said “I’m heading out to the card shop to get a card for the contractors husband, but I’m specifically not getting one for Indygrrl’s birthday”?
If that were true, I’d agree: get out, get out now.
But I don’t think that’s what happened. I think the person who buys cards just doesn’t know. Maybe he doesn’t know because he’s never met Indygrrl. Maybe he doesn’t know about the surgeries because only her boss knew and he didn’t tell anyone thinking it was her own damn business. (and as a sidenote, this could’ve easily been a pitting saying “I told my boss I was getting surgury, and the next thing you know, the whole office knows!”).
Be the master of your own destiny. If you want birthday cards, hang out for a half hour in the lunch room one day and tell anybody who’ll listen how excited you are that your birthday is coming up.
Not only do we do the card thing, but you’re also expected to throw in money. You know, $5 for a big birthday/anniversary, $10 for a birth/wedding, $20 for a retirement, et cetera. It’s all voluntary, of course, and the values are just suggested (and generally speaking, nobody is looking over your shoulder) but…you feel like a heel if you don’t participate. Kinda sucks for me, as I’m not going to get married, have a kid, or retire from here, and nobody notices when I have a birthday (well, except for Miss Moneypenny a.k.a. pseudosister Katie, who sent me a very nice recipebook holder–thanks), but that’s the breaks, I guess. I figure I shell out about $300 or more a year on this stuff. I just kind of suck it up and move on. 'Course, I haven’t had any major health problems, either, so actually I guess I’m kind of glad no one has felt the need to take up a collection for me.
Mostly, I’m glad that most of my cow-orkers don’t notice me; when they do, they start pressuring me to join the sportsball-of-the-season pool, or cajole me to throw for lottery tickets. Og-gamn, the department admin really irritates me with that crap! “You’re going to be sorry when we win the lottery and you still have to work here! We’re going to come dance on your desk when you lose!” Uh, yeah, whatever…get out of my face and get back to e-mailing pictures of kitties and bigoted jokes to each other, willya? (You know, so I can go back to browsing the Dop…I mean, reviewing these drawings and keeping the CAD server stumbling on its last legs.)
Sorry to hear about the annoyance, Indygrrl, and I know that just because it’s petty doesn’t make it any less irritating…but, I dunno, go to that “special place” or something.
Me? I’ve a fedora and jacket, and am horsewipping my swastika-clad cow-orkers and throwing them off the truck. Bump-bump.
Well, I’ve got the hat and jacket, anyway. 
Stranger
Bill H.: As a manager, I hate this crap. You try to do something nice for morale, and always somebody’s unhappy.
Well, the thing is that the warm gestures used by friends and family often don’t transfer well to a group of people who aren’t friends and family, and who may hardly even know one another or in some cases completely detest one another.
This is why Miss Manners strongly advocates avoiding this sort of “office socializing”, with officially sanctioned exchanges of cards, presents, parties, and so on. The people who initiate it generally mean well, but it’s always clear that, as you say, it’s ultimately done for the sake of morale, to make the company work together more smoothly and efficiently. People are faking social relationships to serve a business purpose.
If workers were expected just to do their jobs in a pleasant and professional manner, without being required to share their personal and social lives with a bunch of strangers, a lot of workplaces would be saved a lot of hassle, expense, and emotional upset, and many people would probably get along better.
As Miss Manners put it in an interview:
And in another interview:
About the birthday thing…is it possible that no one knows about it? At my last gig, I would always happen to mention to someone in the office that my “day” was coming up. And surprise! A cake would magically appear. But coworkers who said nothing never got anything. Which is a shame, because cake is gooood. 
A lab at the university where I work has everyone’s birthdays listed on the emergency contact information sheet that hangs on the wall. But in my lab, you would have to snoop around in personal files to get that kind of information.
It sucks to be snubbed, I agree. And I think favortism by management sucks too. But I think there’s simple human behavior at work here. Humans play favorites. Your coworkers may not hate or dislike you, but maybe you just don’t show up on the radar as much as Suzy and Joe who are always cracking jokes, doing and asking favors, popping into cubicles to chat, etc.
When a coworker’s stepfather died last year, we all chipped in and bought flowers to be sent to her house. The organizer for all of this was her closest pal in the office. If not for her closest pal, I don’t think we would have done anything that tangible. It’s not that we didn’t like the girl or didn’t consider her our friend. It’s just that the rest of us weren’t emotionally involved enough to think of sending flowers. We would have sent our regards through email or something, but we wouldn’t have thought to go the extra mile by sending flowers. Her closest pal did, though. Thus, the girl got flowers.
Maybe you just need someone to rally on your behalf. Do you have anyone you would consider a friend where you work? Do you have someone that you can rally for?
My birthday was last week. The company got me a very pretty floral arrangement for my cube.
I put it up on the top shelf where it’s highly visible. I plan to use it to start a compost heap.
It’s not really about a “piece of cardboard,” it’s about people having a lack of decency to at least acknowledge a person who has been out four times for surgery.
I signed a card for a stranger, because I didn’t see any reason not to. I would have liked to have had someone ask how I was doing or at least say something to me, so I felt fine about doing that for someone else. I’ve been very sick the entire time I’ve worked at the company, in daily pain. I don’t complain about it.
I’m not popular or unpopular at my job. That’s not why I’m there. I’m not trying to make friends. I have friends. But, I’m as nice as anyone else, and yeah, I’ve done nice things for people who I know have had surgeries and such.
It’s just a slap in the face to walk into my cube one month after having surgery, only to find a card for someone who doesn’t even work in the building. I guess I don’t understand why no one cared enough to even ask how I was.
This is the pit. It’s for rants, no matter how petty some of you think they are. I feel I’ve been treated poorly at this particular job, and I’m getting weary of it.
I already had my cake and presents from the people who really count in my life, bu that doesn’t mean it makes me feel good when others get cards and cakes at work and I don’t. It just doesn’t seem right.
I don’t belong in an office, in a cell where I sit day after day. I tried for about 2 1/2 of my three years here to move up, learn, be a team player, and it just hasn’t worked out. Maybe it’s my own fault. I don’t know. For some reason they don’t see fit to promote me or recognize any of the work I do. I once spent three months covering for a woman out on maternity leave. I did her job and mine. When she came back, she didn’t even thank me. That’s the kind of shit that builds up over time and causes a person to hate walking into a place day after day.
I’ve never asked for special treatment, and I don’t appreciate the insinuation that I do.
It’s my manager who buys the cards and the cakes and such. And she keeps a list of birthdays. And she was the first person I told about my surgeries. So yeah, she knew.
I just wanted a “You feeling ok?” That’s about it. Like I said, I don’t expect much, just a small acknowledgement, because, no, I’m not feeling ok most of the time but because I look healthy I get the feeling that they don’t take my illness seriously.
ummm…well…Happy Birthday! You might not be getting one from the office, but they aren’t getting one from me either are they! (OK, so I am not really that important, but I like to make people feel better)
Yeah, that sucks. One of my coworkers (a really nice person, FWIW) baked a cake for another coworker (another really nice person) today. My birthday gets the general announcement at the monthly staff meeting that nobody goes to. In light of the recent activities here, I have though twice of posting this suggestion, but here goes…you could send yourself a lovely flower arrangement/box of chocolates/basket of cookies/case of fruit/bottle of wine, etc. at work. The orkers would notice and be jealous and you could sit in your cell and gloat to us about how jealous they are adn not share. Of course, you would have to make it seem like someone else who cares about you sent them and that would be dishonest and someone might have to pit you and call for your banning…but I digress…
Well, my nice cubemate brought me a little mini-cake, so it’s all good. She’s very sweet. And it’s purdy. I want to eat it right now.
I didn’t get cake last time. I was told I would get some this time.
Now THAT’s a Happy Birthday. 
Just pass.
Happy Birthday, Indygrrl.
Zebra wrote
Now Milton, don’t be greedy, lets pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece.
Well, good! Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday. Many happy returns of the day.
Glad you got cake. Cake is good.
Here where I work, the rule is that you bring in your own cake if you want one. There’s also an unwritten, but often spoken, rule that if you get a raise, you bring in donuts to celebrate. Or an equivalent. Bagels are popular. One guy brought in donuts when his wife raised his allowance.
May your allowance be raised.
Happy Birthday Indygrrl. You share a birthday with my sister and my late brother. And also with a brand new baby today! A co-worker’s baby girl was born just about half an hour ago. See, it’s a good day! And with cake too! YAY!
I try to fly under the office radar for celebrating my bday and such. It’s worked every year until last year, the big 5-0. I guess that was worth celebrating. Then again, my bday is in the summer. It was hot and I think they just wanted an excuse to eat ice cream.
Me too. I’m kind of quiet so I kind of get forgotten. Everybody’s birthday here is usually celebrated on the day with a coffee & muffin break in the morning for the dept…but they never remember my birthday.
Which is just as well, I suppose, b/c I don’t like being the center of attention. But still it’s nice to be remembered sometimes.