Poor girl, I bet she is scared. teeming, this has been a miserable time for your sister. If you’re not ready to talk to her, then don’t, but give her a hug.
It’s all going to be okay. This isn’t the end of the world. No matter what has happened, the sun will rise tomorrow and life will go on. Schools won’t reject her. She won’t end up in a gutter. Shit happens. No matter how many precautions are taken. Yeah it’s a shock. But life goes on.
No matter your feelings or emotions on this, put them aside and support her. Let her know you still love her. She waited 2 months to tell you all because of this very thing. She’s scared of your responses.
Above all, be supportive. She’s your sister. Don’t worry man, life will go on for all involved.
Love that girl. Don’t just sit back and love her. Get up in her face and love her. Tell your parents to do it too. She needs that more than medical advice. And she needs it soon.
Tris
I would like for you to give yourself a good kick in the ass right now, and repeat these words:
“This isn’t about you, jackass. This is about your sister. She needs help and support. Help her and support her.”
The “jackass” part is optional. That’s just what I would tell myself. But the rest is not, because this isn’t about you. Not at all.
Reserve your judgment of her, and your disappointment in her for about six months. For now, just help her and support her. Be her big brother and, more important, be a man.
Help. Support. Now.
As others have said, this is something that can happen to people twice her age or more, but older people have more coping skills, generally speaking. So just give her as much support as you can.
Also, if she gets herself over to PP PDQ, 2 months is usually not too late for an abortion. On the other hand, someone so young might not be the best at calculating gestation. Immediate medical advise is called for here.
Your feelings are only natural, but there’s no need to feel ashamed. It happens to the best of families. Or perhaps worst, in the case of mine? Ha, ha.
My 35-year-old cousin will become a grandmother in the matter of a few weeks. Her just-turned-17 daughter is expecting a baby in March. It was a shock at first, and nobody was exactly thrilled about it, but once the initial shock wears off, you become more logical in looking at the situation. I’m sure the same will happen with your family. In my cousin’s case, her daughter has decided to keep the baby.
I guess my point is that these things happen everyday. What’s important is that your sister be made aware of the choices that are available to her, and that you support her no matter what decision she makes. She could probably really use a non-judgmental ear right now, since I’m sure your parents are hopping mad. Just let her know you’re there.
She doesn’t need to hear this crap, and I think you need to grow up a bit yourself. It takes two to get pregnant, and her partner is as responsible as she is for the pregnancy. If you got a girl pregnant, would you be disappointed in her? Assuming you’re sexually active, how do you know for sure that you haven’t gotten a girl pregnant yourself?
She’s a little girl, scared, and it takes a whole lot of courage for her to tell her family about her pregnancy. Give her credit for her courage and honesty and give her all the love and support (whatever she chooses) that she needs from her big brother. Your opinion of her is probably much more important to her than you realize.
And just hope she’s as loving and forgiving when you eventually screw up in some way, which you will, because we all do.
She’s fallen off her pedestal.
This looks like a time to give her a hug and be there for her. To just listen.
Just love her, and be there for her. That’s all she needs. No advice, no scolding–just love.
My son’s best childhood friend was pregnant at 15. With twins. After her mom had died. She ended up keeping them, and with help from her family, she finished school and married a nice guy who treated the kids like they were his own. It doesn’t have to be a death sentence.
That said, two months is plenty of time for an abortion.
Speaking as someone who chose to keep an unplanned pregnancy at 15 and chose NOT to keep a pregnancy in my early twenties, I will tell you what it feels like to be 15 and pregnant.
It’s goddamn terrifying.
Her friends will treat her differently if/when they find out. She will be judged harshly for the remainder of her years no matter what she decides to do. She’ll probably spend the next few years with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever she sees a pro-life bumper sticker if she terminates and she’ll spend the rest of her life worrying about another human being if she doesn’t.
I agree with those who said to support her in any way that you can. I can assure you that your disappointment is nowhere near her own right now.
People make mistakes. Even before they turn 18, sometimes. Do something concrete to support her. Ask her how she’s feeling and offer to obtain literature for her if she’s nervous about getting it for herself. Tell her you’ll give her a ride to Planned Parenthood if she needs it and for the love of god, please encourage your parents to talk to her about and see to it that she’s on birth control from here on out.
I wish you the best of luck.
I found out only a few years ago that my parents “had to” get married, because my Mom was pregnant with my older sister. This was in the 1967 or so, and my mother’s family was and is VERY religious.
My Mom says that her mother didn’t talk to her for months.
I knew my grandmother was bitch sometimes, which I discovered when I lived with her for a little while, but it really burned me up to hear this. Until the end of her days (just a few months ago) when I saw my grandmother, I’d often think of her giving the silent treatment to my mother, at the time she needed support the most.
Not that I have any reason at all to think you are going to be like that, of course. But maybe others might, if you can prevent them from doing that, that would be a good thing.
I’m not just saying this because she’s my Mom, but she really deserved a better mother than she had.
hey teeming, thought I could give some insight into the matter seeing as my best friend went through this situation last year. T’was our grade twelve year, everything was fine and dandy. However who said life was fair? Her situation was incredibly different from that of your sister, so I suppose that made all the difference. There was never any question as to whether she would keep the child or not (we’re roman catholic). Her entire family was behind her all the way (seeing as an unplanned pregnancy caused her parents to get married, have seven children, and create a wonderful family). The big difference was that her father stepped up to the plate, became a provider and a good father figure, the father of my friend’s child has just done the same. He proposed the night of our graduation, they moved in together, and three months ago she gave birth to the most adorable baby boy (and called me at three o’clock in the morning as she was being induced). She presently has no plans for secondary education but instead wants to be the best mother she can be.
The exact same situation happened to another friend of mine two years previous, she was pregnant in grade eleven. This friend accelerated her highschool programs to graduate before she gave birth. She is now married to the father of her child, they are financially stable and have their own house. Also she is six months pregnant with their second child, figures if she’s going to have kids she may as well get it over with while she’s still young.
In a not so happy situation, but one that turned out well nonetheless. A young woman who is a friend of my brother’s became pregnant in grade eleven, she had the child and her parents raised the baby with her while she finished highschool and went on to become a nurse. The father has no contact with the family, but they’re reasonably happy and stable.
A situation similar to your sister’s would be that of a girl I know pregnant at age fourteen, she gave the baby up for adoption and still sees the child on a regular basis. She’s content with the decision she made.
So really all I'm saying is it's not the end of the world, it just might cause your sister to re-evaluate her life plans. Seeing as she's so young maybe your parents would be willing to help raise the child for the time being. Or maybe your family could stand behind her carrying the child to term and put him/her up for adoption. So many people want children yet are unable, and the majority of them want babies, so finding a suitable family shouldn't be very difficult. ***Speaking of that situation, I personally very much abhor this baby obsession people have and plan on adopting as many children as possible of an "unadoptable" age***
Anyways, good luck. Give her a hug, she'll come to her own decisions and conclusions.
Zhai’helleva-----Wind to Thy Wings
Don’t be surprised if it turns out she is even further along than 2 months. Many young girls have irregular periods, and many simply aren’t educated or attuned to the symptoms of pregnancy enough to realize what’s going on right away.
I can understand it can be shocking and frightening to face this sort of situation. Maybe you still think of your sister as the little kid she used to be and it is probably hard to accept even that she’s sexually active, much less pregnant.
Nonetheless, I definitely think this is a time for support, not harsh words. I hope that you will tell her that you will support her no matter what she decides to do about the pregnancy.
Many times young girls are pressured into having abortions because people just assume that having a baby at a young age with “ruin your life”. Pressuring someone into having an unwanted abortion can very eaisly ruin someone’s life as well, however. I’m not saying that every woman experiences a difficult time after abortion, but there are definitely some who experience abortion as a very traumatic and serious loss…especially if it wasn’t really what the woman wanted for herself in the first place, but just what everyone else thought was “for her own good”.
You may want to encourage her to visit this website: http://www.girl-mom.com/phpBB2/ It is a support community of teen mothers (yes, even girls younger than your sister) who might be able to provide some understanding and support from the perspective of someone who has actually been in her position. The site promotes a pro-choice and politically liberal political agenda, so it’s not like they would try to guilt her into keeping the baby if she didn’t want to…just might be helpful for her to get some realistic perspectives.
I don’t know why people are jumping down TeemingONE’s throat like this. It sounds like he’s just found out, and the shock and anger are pretty damned easy to understand. Given a little time, I’m sure he’ll do the right thing and be there for his sister. Let him have a reaction first and get that out there. It’s better to vent it on a message board!
Nobody’s jumping down his throat. People are trying to steer him away from a reaction like Revtim’s grandmother gave his mother. The OP (“I haven’t talked to her and I don’t really want to. I very disappointed in her.”) seemed to be heading in that direction. If he says anything like that to her face, it would be worse than slapping her.
I agree. I was thinking of one or two harsh replies, not the many people who’ve correctly said that teemingONE needs to be kind and be there for his sister during what must be a terrifying and confusing time.
Catholics don’t believe in giving babies up for adoption?
I’m not sure it’s being harsh to tell him, essentially, that he is the girl’s brother, not her father, and he doesn’t get to be disappointed in her. I can understand the immediate reaction of “But this always happens to other people!” but he needs to focus on “I can’t really judge” and not “But she’s my little sister.”
Just the place to get non partisan advice, NOT. PP has an agenda and it is NOT unbiased.
What a 15 gravid girl needs is loving compassion and an opportunity to discuss ALL the options and the consequences of each one.
She is already painfully awary of the consequences of engaging is adult (mis)behavior while still a juvenille.
Hopefully STD’s are not a complication.