Sorry, I am not your monkey (Responses to personal ads)

The BBQ Pit
161

Whatever makes you feel better. Most of the women who write him are a bit crazy, in my opinion, but there’s no doubt that he gets about 5 emails for everyone 1 he sends out. I’ve seen it, and I have no reason to think he’s he’s playing macho bullshit games with me, because that’s not his style.

Hey, whatever works for you, sonny. My ad did perfectly well, I had a lot of great dates, and my current relationship of 1 1/2 years is from my one or two-month stint with Match.com. Personally, I couldn’t believe how easy it was for an average guy like me to get dates. I simply don’t subscribe to the notion that online dating and initial contacts are somewhere to get in-depth with replies. My only rule was not to respond to “winks” or whatever the hell it is Match calls them. Just send me a sentence or two, don’t give me your life story. I can hear that later.

162

Come on, dude. I didn’t say he specifically was looking for a green card - in fact, I wasn’t thinking it for that case, Asian to me doesn’t imply national background - but the notion of “Hey, I’m (x race), interested?” is not likely to get any kind of compelling response from anyone.

I do get a lot of ads that say “I’ve been in the US for a month,” and that strongly suggest that a prompt marriage is required. Heck, I’ve been asked by a guy “so how long will it take for you to know if you will marry me?”

I took the time to describe my interests, goals in a relationship, personality, and looks in my ad. I appreciate a little bit of information back. I ask, in the ad, point blank for information on a person’s interests. And, frankly, I list “race not a factor” in my ad, so I doubt your scenario is likely.

I’ll also add that I did, at one time, respond to every single person who didn’t just give me a come-on or tell me he had a “thick one” in his initial contact. Based on the responses that I got, I am 100% confident that screening is necessary; interested guys who like your profile generally say so, the rest are just responding to every single ad.

163

The OP, as much as I have liked her past posting history, reminded me of the time my aunt sent back a letter I had written to her. I was about 7 years old, and she sent my letter back having marked in red ink my spelling and grammatical errors.

Guess who never got a letter from me again.

If stoid wants to be overly harsh on people based on their responses to her, that’s no skin off my nose. I’m sure the world is full of well-hung plagiarists.

164

You know, although Stoid’s ad did come off a bit snotty in some ways, I know exactly the frustration that produced it. She and I are much of an age, and have quite a few other things in common as well–most prominently a lack of patience for fools and dullards along with a nearly perverted attraction to young skinny guys, apparently. :smiley: I too did the Craig’s List dating thing and I swear to you that ad could’ve been written by me after about the first four or five ads I essayed.

It’s totally fucking annoying to put out an ad that is pretty clear about what you’re looking for and get back a barrage of generic, badly spelled, punctuated and borderline retarded sounding responses. Dickpix, elaborate descriptions of sexual acts the writer allegedly wants to perform on you (not only badly spelled but showing very little actual knowledge of the mechanics of the act in question or the anatomy involved,) weird psychotic screeds–at least they’re more interesting than the flood of responses so bland and generic they might as well say “I like to breathe and do stuff, let’s hook up!” (Translation: “I will do or say anything you want in order to get laid.”)

After dealing with this for a while (and the repeaters with their shotgun approaches to ads are really annoying, BTW–many women run more than one ad and it’s so pitiful that the same guy is sending the same response to EVERY SINGLE AD posted that day–well, I don’t have proof that’s the case but I do have some strong empirical evidence!) the temptation is huge to put out an ad so outrageously bitchy that you figure NO SANE MAN would EVER answer it–but lo and behold, here comes the exact same flood from the exact same people saying the exact same thing as the last fifty times you read it.

On the upside, once in a great while, a guy sees behind the bitchy ad to the frustrated, annoyed woman who’s just trying to find someone she can talk to without getting a migraine from the eyerolling and sends a funny, thoughtful or equally bratty response–and that’s what makes the whole stupid process ALMOST bearable, because at least it’s clear the guy READ THE AD. Besides, there are a lot of men out there who LIKE upfront, mouthy, bitchy women–my SO for one, thank Og! For those of you who’re taking Stoid to task for the tone of her ad, reflect a moment that she probably got just as many responses to that one as the sweet, more generic ad she most likely started out with–and from the same endlessly deluded men.

Here’s an experiment, guys. Go onto your local Craig’s List and post three separate ads in the W4M section. Make one of your personas a hot nineteen year old college chick with tats and piercings, one a 35+/- divorced soccer mom, maybe a BBW, and one an older lady looking for a “gentleman caller.” I’ll bet any one of you a cyber cookie that you will get the same people answering all three ads, with the same response. How special it feels to be a target for the broadest firing shotguns in the world, to be sure.

She’s just looking for a PERSON, not an ad-responder bot! At least she’s letting the men know what they’re looking at and who she is–any man who doesn’t like the sound of her is free to mutter “what a bitch” and go on to the next ad. As a matter of fact, I bet she’d really like it if most of them did just that–but they won’t.

Hence the Pitting!

165

Isn’t this the same as the shotgun approach? What do they do - place one ad that plays up their artsy side, one that displays their inner party girl, and one that shows them as a no-nonsense career woman (and all three are true)?

166

Well, I guess I should clarify. Maybe the green card thing is unfair. But I get a ton of responses from men, typically from India, who share absolutely no interests with me, are interested in marriage specifically to an American, and often just graduated from college. I guess I just put two and two together there.

167

Fluid: We are definitely hearing from many of the same people, obviously!
This is my favorite:

I’ve gotten this one a dozen times, too:

I guess teh subtext here is: “I have no idea what to say about myself right now, but that’s only because I have had an evil spell put on me and the only remedy is the fairy dust that is your email. When I receive that, the curse will be lifted and I will become urbane, witty, and brimming with fascinating information. Please help!”

The assault on vowels is depressing. I think of that classic Onion headline from ages ago: Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia,. The only vowels allowed are I and U because they can stand as whole words: pls r u cn u…it hurts.

168

o rly? :smiley:

169

Good points. But at that time I was a little freaked. Turns out that being with someone younger actually does make you feel younger yourself, and I wasn’t actively conscious of it until I was losing it, at which point the reailty of my age crashed in on me all at once and I was very depressed about it. It was almost as though I actually did age overnight and I could see my age in a way I couldn’t before. Which is actually a little bit true simply because around the time we broke up I had also lost about 60 pounds, which had the effect of showing my age in my face in exactly the manner I was always afraid it would, and I was not at all happy about it.

That said, (may I call you face?), let’s be real here: Of course being middle aged and fat limits my desirability!! What planet are you living on? It doesn’t destroy it completely, but it has a profound effect on it, and to claim otherwise is ridiculous.

170

I agree with the OP. Even with the shotgun approach, a guy can include a sentance or two that’s original and interesting.

But that ad sucked donkey balls. You want interesting responses with some investment in them? How about you invest in your ad? Cutting aside all the attitude, it really breaks down to “I’m a large older woman who likes poker looking for a younger lover who can communicate.” Wow. That’s a whole lot to go on. Christ, one of the better relationships I’ve had that started on-line at least had the hook of ‘I like to go to the Lincoln Park Zoo and see the anteaters’, that gave me something to go on. Poker is so fucking oversaturated that it really doesn’t say a whole lot these days.

So put a little more substance out there. You only have to write ONE FUCKING AD, not scores of e-mails.

171

No, remember, that was last year’s ad, I put it in to show what ad was being answered when I was sharing the examples of answers I liked.

My current ads are not at all like that one, I’m in a different place, and interestingly: crap responses. The other was a better lure… but then again, I haven’t been trying THAT hard lately, cuz I don’t really have too much time right now. I’m just keeping a hand in a little just in case.

172

I like the break down on this craigslist response.

http://gawker.com/news/craigslist/women-do-not-search-for-sex-on-craigslist-294732.php

173

It’s a fine-tuning process. Craig’s List moves fast and you can either keep reposting the exact same ad or you can learn what didn’t work from the last one and try to go in a direction that’s more likely to get you where you want to be. In my specific case I realized my initial ad was too broad and wrote another one angled more toward finding other SCA types who read SF–nothing nefarious, just looking for a guy who likes what I like. Then after that one got the same damned responses from the same guys I wrote one that was really outrageously cuntish. Yeah, the same guys responded to that one too! However, there were a couple of nuggets among the sand drifts, enough to keep me trying for a while but eventually I just gave it up as a bad job. My kind of guy evidently doesn’t read Craig’s List.

I did go on a very nice date with an incredibly good looking 24 year old, though. He was just looking to get laid, obviously, so I cooked him a good dinner, snogged a bit and sent him home. I’m pretty laid back, but he was four years younger than my son, just couldn’t go for the kill on that one! :stuck_out_tongue:

174

There’s a difference between finding something repellent, which should, logically, repel you, keeping you from devoting very much time or energy to it, and something which enrages you and prods you to intense levels of hostility and ugliness. The former produces a snarky comment or two at most. When I see rage and ugliness, somebody’s buttons have been pressed, and the need to be so incredibly nasty looks very defensive, which suggests a perceived level of threat (psychological, ego threat, obviously not physical) that must be defended against. It’s actually pretty elementary stuff.

175

Okay, I’m not going to disagree with you. But I don’t think you should go around calling yourself old and fat if you really believe those are liabilities, because it belies the confidence and self-assurance that you’re actually trying to project. You’re trying to attract people who appreciate mature BBW, right? You’re not trying to attract people who will like you in spite of your age and size. I think you might want to write your ad with the former in mind and less of the latter, but that’s just me.

Talk about yourself more positively and talk about others (i.e men) less negatively, and I think that will help your ad to radiate condescension-free confidence.

176

God bless you, my dear! Wanna go for coffee? :smiley:

177

See it’s funny–I see calling myself old and fat (which I do) to be a kind of reverse deprecation. I don’t think of myself that way (‘cuz in my head I’m this smokin’ hot babe and always will be no matter what lies the mirror tells!) but I say it with a big old grin because it disconcerts people. Self confidence allows for exaggerating the case, just as low self esteem allows for minimizing “bad points.” I also am right up front about telling people I can be an incredible bitch, that I’m completely intolerant of the stupid and that I don’t consider any topic to be too sacred to joke about. If they wish to think I’m engaging in hyperbole, more power to 'em. They can’t say I didn’t warn them! :smiley:

178

You bet, sistah! It’ll have to be up here in Og’s Country, though, since I get heebie jeebies every time I cross the OR/CA border heading south… :stuck_out_tongue:

179

I’m not really sure what you are trying to say, but I would make clear: if a guy has an interesting profile, that works. He doesn’t have to make it all about me, that’s not the core of the problem…(except that actually, that IS the problem: they make it all about me! That’s my OP complaint precisely) I even said that two of the responses I liked were shotgun answers, they were just good ones. At least they made the effort once.

180

I don’t see the dichotomy here. When I see, for example, an idiot pretending to be smart, I am hardly “threatened”, but I’m definitely angry and would welcome the chance to take him down a few pegs, if not the whole ladder. Calling people who don’t like you “defensive” is little better than the schoolyard witticism “I know you are, but what am I?”