Sorry, I am not your monkey (Responses to personal ads)

The BBQ Pit
141

[QUOTE=you with the face]
True confidence shouldn’t be threatening. But an “overinflated ego” by definition is too much, too much. So why should it be surprising that people have a problem with that?

There’s nothing gender-specific about this. Read Stoid’s ad as if were coming from man. Do you really think you’d be as supportive about it? It’s a bit too much, too much no matter what is going on between the author’s legs.
[/QUOTE]

But she’s not a man. If the OP did come from a man, I’d assume they were gay and wouldn’t consider answering it.

Everything’s gender-specific. To think otherwise is deluding yourself.

142

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
But she’s not a man. If the OP did come from a man, I’d assume they were gay and wouldn’t consider answering it.
[/quote]

So what?

143

[QUOTE=you with the face]
So what?
[/QUOTE]

So it’s ridiculous for you say, “Assume the OP came from a man.” It was a fucking stupid thing to say.

144

[QUOTE=Cat Fight]

I was sitting with a group of friends – beautiful, smart, with great jobs – and one of them (the tallest, thinnest one) said she was having a ‘fat day, you know?’ Everyone nodded in a greement then looked at me. Me: ‘I don’t have fat days. I’m not fat. And neither are any of you. I just don’t have the time for that bullshit.’ Ohhh the venom.
[/QUOTE]

See, that’s the sort of confidence I like and find refreshing. That’s quite different than what’s coming across from the OP’s personal ad.

145

[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
(High-five) Jinx!You owe me a coke!
[/QUOTE]
God, we’re disgusting, aren’t we? :smiley:

146

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
So it’s ridiculous for you say, “Assume the OP came from a man.” It was a fucking stupid thing to say.
[/QUOTE]

It made perfect sense to me.

147

[QUOTE=pulykamell]
It made perfect sense to me.
[/QUOTE]

Why? Because you see men and women act the same in social situations? :rolleyes:

148

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
Why? Because you see men and women act the same in social situations? :rolleyes:
[/QUOTE]

Yes, that’s exactly what I said. :rolleyes:

Here, let me smack you with a clue-by-four and see if this helps any:

The perceived arrogance and bragging displayed in the OP’s personal ad would still be considered as obnoxious arrogance and bragging, even if written by a male OP, where a certain amount of arrogance and bragging is socially more acceptable. If it’s too off-putting for a male to have written it, it’ll be too off-putting for a female to have written it.

What’s so hard to understand or stupid about this?

149

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
So it’s ridiculous for you say, “Assume the OP came from a man.” It was a fucking stupid thing to say.
[/QUOTE]

No this is a fucking stupid thing to say:

I’m a straight woman who has managed to have an opinion about another straight woman’s personal ad. Amazing, right? Next thing ya know, I’ll be turning water into wine.

150

[QUOTE=pulykamell]
If it’s too off-putting for a male to have written it, it’ll be too off-putting for a female to have written it.
[/QUOTE]

Crap, missed my edit window. Meaning, in the end, that regardless of gender the ad comes off as being too much, which was you with the face’s point in the first place.

151

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
So it’s ridiculous for you say, “Assume the OP came from a man.” It was a fucking stupid thing to say.
[/QUOTE]

She said “Read Stoid’s ad as if were coming from man.” Quite different from what you quoted up there. It obviously means to keep the general gist of Stoid’s ad while dropping in appropriate substitutions for, say, a balding, over-weight middle-aged man. Like the younger girlfriend and that sort of thing.

Here, I’ll even help you with the first two paragraphs:

"I’ve been back in the market for a couple of weeks now, and its certainly been interesting. I’ve had some fun but I have been left scratching my head saying “Wha’?” more than once.

But I’m still looking. After exceptionally painful end of my 10 years with a woman almost young enough to be my daughter, I’m very ready for some sweet connection with someone who…well, someone who isn’t…how you say?… a selfish bitch. (Think I’m talkin’ to you? Then I probably am. Go away. )
"

Capiche?

152

[QUOTE=you with the face]
I’m a straight woman who has managed to have an opinion about another straight woman’s personal ad. Amazing, right? Next thing ya know, I’ll be turning water into wine.
[/QUOTE]

Um, what?

I can have an opinion about another man’s personal ad as well, and that’s not even close to what I was saying. To be clearer, the OP clearly came from a woman. The tone is that of a single woman tired of getting bombarded with the kind (and volume) of inane, neanderthal-like responses only men can provide.

But I guess you’ll argue that too, you know, because it’s the pit and you’ll provide an anecdote of a woman being stupid.

But here’s the unequivocal truth: A woman’s personal ad can get 200 responses in a single day. A man’s will get maybe 2 or 3. The woman will usually respond to man’s ad with humor, questions, or a general invitation for decent dialogue. Most men respond to women’s ads in the fashion about which the OP’er complains. Therefore an ad, like the OP, couldn’t possibly be from a man, unless of course, it was either a parody or written by a gay man who’s also tired of the stupid replies.

153

[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
You tell us that we’re not worth your humor, and we’re supposed to be sympathetic to you?
[/QUOTE]

Ah, i finally get the connection. It’s the profile I wrote about 5 years ago, maybe more. Ok. Well, that at least makes more sense.

And I see that you joined around the time I mostly bailed, so you don’t know the history, which also makes sense. Suffice it to say that my frustration level was quite high and I was fatigued.

Well, I have changed the profile and honestly, I think it’s a little odd to invest so much in one sentence and I wouldn’t expect anyone to, since this is a place where I’ve written another 100,000 sentences in addition to that one that tell a larger story. But again, i’ve been away for the most part since you’ve been around, but that was the context of that sentence.

[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
You tell us you’re so smart and so wise, but you don’t even know how the internet dating game is played.
[/QUOTE]

Well, I actually do, which is why I’m complaining. The internet game isn’t any different than the personals in any other medium, except for the reach. Because I’m such an old broad I know this from personal experience. In addition, I’ve been having this issue in non-internet settings as well.

[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
You also don’t seem to be aware how this board works either. If it’s sympathy you’re looking for look in the dictionary between “shit” and “suicide” as the expression goes, or post something in MPSIS where you’re more likely to get understanding.

Turning on the OP is a time-honored tradition in the Pit, and starting off with a statement that you’re better than others is asking for responses. As someone else wrote, it’s a wonder that more people have given you a pass on your shit.
[/QUOTE]

Well, again, you are mistaken. The “time honored” tradition you refer to is well known by me, since I was around while the traditions were being formed, and have been prominently featured in many Dopian gang rapes.

And I wasn’t looking for sympathy, I wasn’t presenting myself as sad, needing support. I was frustrated and bitching. I was looking for empathy. And I got it. I also knew I’d get some grief, but as I said, the intensity was out of proportion to what I wrote. But now I understand how you went there, at least.

154

[QUOTE=pulykamell]
She said “Read Stoid’s ad as if were coming from man.” Quite different from what you quoted up there. It obviously means to keep the general gist of Stoid’s ad while dropping in appropriate substitutions for, say, a balding, over-weight middle-aged man. Like the younger girlfriend and that sort of thing.

Here, I’ll even help you with the first two paragraphs:

"I’ve been back in the market for a couple of weeks now, and its certainly been interesting. I’ve had some fun but I have been left scratching my head saying “Wha’?” more than once.

But I’m still looking. After exceptionally painful end of my 10 years with a woman almost young enough to be my daughter, I’m very ready for some sweet connection with someone who…well, someone who isn’t…how you say?… a selfish bitch. (Think I’m talkin’ to you? Then I probably am. Go away. )
"

Capiche?
[/QUOTE]

It was the overall tone and purpose of the e-mail that makes it impossible to come from a man. Read above. The “general gist” doesn’t fit anything a single man could complain about.

155

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]

But here’s the unequivocal truth: A woman’s personal ad can get 200 responses in a single day. A man’s will get maybe 2 or 3.
[/quote]

Usually true. Not always as in the case of some men I know where they have more initiated first contacts than the other way around.

Not at all true in my experience. Most women contacting me for the first time wrote a two-sentence email, much in the “Hi, you seem interesting. Do I seem interesting to you?”-type format.

156

[QUOTE=athelas]
As unromantic as this sounds, I can only suggest that if the whole world hates you, it’s probably not because the whole world has a problem.
[/QUOTE]

And I agree wholeheartedly.

To my enormous relief, the whole world doesn’t hate me. Not even most of it. Not even the part that knows me. Not even most of the people who know me. Not even most of the people on the Dope!

But a larger number than the average person, yeah, I get that a lot. On the other hand, as with most things, I enjoy the kind of love and appreciation that many people with less hate in their life can only dream of. It’s the nature of having a very strong personality, i’m definitely a love me or hate me type and I made my peace with that a long time ago when I realized that I was getting the love, freindship, respect and approval from the people I wanted if from, overall.

Can’t please everyone, at least I can’t. At least, not if I want to be true to myself.

157

[QUOTE=pulykamell]
Usually true. Not always as in the case of some men I know where they have more initiated first contacts than the other way around.

[/quote]

Unless the man said, “I’m 27, a partner in my law firm, never married, 6’2”, work out every day and I’m looking to share my family fortune with the next lucky woman" I have say that this little nugget provided is total bullshit. And even if it isn’t, the women that responded to his ad in droves were likely not potential mates anyway – the same as the number of men who responded to the OP’s ads.

Then your ad sucks. When I was looking, I never got such e-mails.

158

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
But here’s the unequivocal truth: A woman’s personal ad can get 200 responses in a single day. A man’s will get maybe 2 or 3. The woman will usually respond to man’s ad with humor, questions, or a general invitation for decent dialogue. Most men respond to women’s ads in the fashion about which the OP’er complains. Therefore an ad, like the OP, couldn’t possibly be from a man, unless of course, it was either a parody or written by a gay man who’s also tired of the stupid replies.
[/QUOTE]

You still don’t get the point, do you?

159

[QUOTE=you with the face]
You still don’t get the point, do you?
[/QUOTE]

Your point? Did you make one?

160

[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
Your point? Did you make one?
[/QUOTE]

Guess that answers my question.