Sorry, I'm STILL NOT GAY, but thanks!

I got a call last night from an … admirer? A guy I hung out with in a bar a year ago, decided to make a booty call! What on god’s green earth?

First of all. Who the fuck calls someone they met in a bar a year ago? At midnight? Saying “I’m more of a bottom, really.” Fer christ sake, at least find out if I’m gay first you skeevy pipe-smoker!

Gay folks:


When in doubt, fucking ask first, ok? Then I won’t have to say “I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m straight – that’s life in the big city, eh?” Cause you know why? It makes for fucking strained conversations.


“Hi sexy. It’s Ace; from that funeral two years ago? Yeah. What’s’up, sugar? Nothing? I’ve got a you-shaped space in my bed, wanna fill it? Wanna come over and lay some pipe?” Can I do that? NO!


I can do that: Hey, jamoke – gimme another fucking pint ova here! Fucking limey pinky-lifting nipple-twisting buggery git! Hey, you know what, buddy? I like the PUSSY – yes I do, pink and tangy, that’s the stuff, yum yum give me some – Eh, buddy? Eh?

Listen, gay folks, y’all are cool with me, just STOP TRYING TO SEX ME UP! Criminy! Gay men! Do I need to get a shirt that says “PUSSY LOVING” or what?

Jes trying to be clear,


So . . . . You’re insulted by someone telling you they find you attractive? What do you do when someone tells you you’re revolting, thank them?

Oh, sure, no homophobia there, no.

Yeah, we all know that straight men don’t act like total sleazes.


Eve, I think he’s getting unwanted sexual advances. Nobody likes that.

And yet he had your phone number…

And so does the Onion.

While I think the OP probably went way over the top, I have to agree that cuauhtemoc has a point.

Midnight booty calls from someone you met a year ago and have no sexual interest in is not cool. Especially the “midnight” part. I mean, that’s just beyond rude.

And I wouldn’t automatically assume the OP gave the caller his number. The caller could have looked up his name in the phone book.


At midnight? Over the phone?

I don’t care if you are male, female, gay, straight, fuck buddy, close friend, or someone I nod to on the street…if you aren’t in my bed at midnight, I don’t want to hear from you about anything at midnight. I’ll forgive you later if its a huge emergency and you fall into the “close friend” category. (Note for the impaired: Sex is not an emergency…)

The call was off the top-but the whole thing seems to be about how “Homosexuals” do this.



Well, Ace, ole pal, you’ve just gotten a small taste of what life is like for a woman.

I’ve gotten immune to guys hitting on me here in San Fran, too bad i’m not gay, apparently i am like crack for 40 year old guys, i could suck them dry!!
(uh, moneywise, of course…sheesh!!)

I know what all those words mean, but that phrase still makes no sense to me…

40 something gay guy in San Francisco checking in.

What exactly are you trying to say? You could hussle us old fags? You’re so hot we would become addicted to you? Give me a fucking break!

As I’ve said so many times. I’ve been here for nearly 30 years, And I’ve never hit on a straight guy. Even the straight guys who like to hang around in gay bars every week, then get pissed if a gay guy hits on them. And what is up with that bullshit.

The only “straight” guys I’ve ever had sex with are the ones who told me they were married after we were finished. Those closet types have made ten times more late night and early morning begging booty calls than any out gay guy I’ve known.

News flash – all of us are not lusting after your straight ass!

Ditto. Meesa no grok.

Kevja, I think Tars is saying he’s EXPERIENCED a ton of gay guys hitting on him. Are you accusing him of lying?

I’m like fucking crack to a lot of the lesbians I know, I don’t know why, I just am. I don’t THINK I’m unbelievably hot, I just have a ton of lesbians hit on me.

Dial back the vitriol my man.

I agree with u but i’m been picked apart by lesbians. I’m at the age where everyones “experimenting their sexuality” but being told u have nice breasts by another girl is not something you wanna hear. I’m not homophobic… you wanna be a lesbian go ahead just don’t hit on me!

Particularly not if you’re a guy.


Paid For by the American Coalition Against Man-Boobs

Newsflash. 40-year-old gay men are not necessarily drooling over twinks with attitude. I’m 41 and I like a man who’s hairy, tough, and muscled. Wifty little club kids can’t hold a conversation, they aren’t in shape, and they can’t fuck worth a damn.

Are you gay now??


How about now?


I would be weirded out by anyone I hadn’t spoken to in a year calling me at midnight to hit on me. Doesn’t he know that it is rude to call people you don’t know after 10:00? They might be asleep!

I wonder what Ace’s reaction would have been if the caller had been a girl. I wonder what his reaction would have been if it was a big, fat girl with chin bristle.
I wonder if Ace’s disgust would have been more understandable or less understandable under those other circumstances.