Well, I got it again last night. The “friends” speech, with the latest twist that’s sweeping the nation, the “spark” talk. Apparently I’m a nice guy, smart, funny, handsome and fun to be with, but I don’t “spark.” After approximately three hours in my presence, gay men are evidently able to determine that there is no possibility ever in any possible future that romantic feelings might develop.
Guys, you know what sparks? Flint and steel. Sorry that I don’t come off as hard and cold and metallic, or stony, but shouldn’t warmth count for something? Maybe from warmth will come combustion, but that’s something you’ll never know because if you don’t get the instant gratification of “spark” then you’re on to the next, disposing of me in your wake and salving your conscience by pretending like you want to be “friends” and absolving yourself by trumpeting your “honesty.”
Fuck you, fuck your “friendship” and fuck your “honesty.” If I’m so handsome, smart, funny and nice then maybe it might be worth risking another three hours of your time, or even six. You know, go out with me two or even three times before sweeping me onto the trash pile?
And if I could make one request…if there’s no “spark,” then please don’t spend an hour making out with me, take off your clothes and invite me into your bed. It’s confusing to hear there’s no “spark” when I’ve already had your hard cock in my hand.