I realize that a lot of women do, and based on their life experiences, it can almost make sense, if they grew up with abuse. Yes, I do live in the real world, but I don’t go to, for instance, the grocery store, and think that the man down the aisle actually wants to rape me.
What horrible lives those women must have if they feel this way.
Fire away, maybe.
As with everything in life, it’s a bell curve. The vast majority of men aren’t rapists or latent rapists. Just like the vast majority of women don’t lie about rape.
It’s the minorities who ruin it for everybody else.
I am optimistic. But, it does seem to be fairly pervasive, now that women are feeling safer about coming forward with their stories. I think it will level out and we will be able to see truer stats.
Is not viewing all men as rapists really that controversial an opinion? I mean, we have people on this very board who’ve been raped who explicitly say they don’t want to go round judging or fearing all men.
I imagine that people who have been assaulted are probably more careful about taking precautions to stop it happening again than you or I. But then, my friends who’ve been in car wrecks are more careful than I am about staying in the speed limit and keeping out of the way of goons than I am too. That’s just human nature
A poster on another board said earlier today that she expects that all the male members of Congress, and other high-ranking political officials, will, in time, be exposed as predators, and I told her as much. :eek: 
Most women who are not suffering from PTSD are aware that the large majority of men are not rapists. But, most women also know that a large percentage of men they encounter are capable of, first, giving them unwanted sexual attention, and second, have little to no capacity to empathize with what that might be like for women.
That is not rape, but it can get damned wearisome and in the right circumstances, very unpleasant, ranging to dangerous.
Lots of men who are not rapists would cop a feel, or look up a woman’s skirt, or comment on her looks inappropriately. Lots of men who are not rapists would ask a subordinate to go with them to a bar after work. And on and on.
I just read a story on the subject in which groups of men and women were shown videos of inappropriate behavior by men in the workplace. The women ranked these transgressions as very serious and alarming, the men couldn’t see much wrong with it.
This is not surprising at all, to any woman who reads the Dope, anyway.
I don’t think all men or even all that many men are actual rapists. But that’s not the fundamental problem.
I wonder if it is as true as it seems that men with power and/or money are more likely to be serial sexual predators than us ordinary blokes. That would be bad news, because it would mean that most of us men *want *to, but only the rich and powerful feel like they can probably get away with it. That is a disturbing thought.
Things we don’t really know include how deeply is sexual aggression wired into the male psyche (nature vs. nurture) and how much damage even having sexually aggressive thoughts can do, both to the thinker and to others around him.
Several of the men in these boards (as well as millions of them elsewhere) seem to view men that way. I don’t, but when I hear a guy say that kind of thing I do make a note to never be alone with him if I can help it.
People who are motivated by power are motivated by power. Those whose motivation to get in positions of power is specifically to be able to abuse others will abuse others - but not because they happen to be in a position of power, but because it was at least part of their reason to get that position.
You’ve probably encountered that kind of guy for whom victory isn’t so much a goal in itself, but an excuse to teabag the “losers”; they’re the same people to whom any loss is a humiliation, and the same people who, if they’re managers, will take advantage of their position to whichever extent their own superiors allow. They do form a very noisy and bothersome part of humanity, but not the majority.
It’s understandable when you think about it.
Guys like that exist, and there’s no way of knowing from looking at a given guy if he’s like that. There have been handsome, young rapists / psychopaths / whatever.
And if a woman finds herself in a one-on-one situation with such a guy, what can she do? Better she keeps a degree of caution and is prepared for the possibility that any guy could be like that.
So as annoying as it can be to feel “weirdo, until proven nice guy” in certain contexts, my annoyance should be directed at the men who commit such crimes.
It’s similar to how as an adult man, there are few contexts where I can interact with children, because everyone is on pedo-alert.
It’s not the parents’ fault, it’s the pedos’.
You know, I’d like to think it were true that the “vast majority” of men aren’t potential rapists, but lately, I’ve been coming to the realisation that I don’t think that any more.
Nowadays, I’m of the opinion about a quarter of all men are rapists or at least serious sexual assaulters of some form or another, and another 25% or more would be if they could get away with it. So I guess I don’t think potential rapists are the minority, any more.
Sure, “not all men”, but if I were a woman, I know which way I’d bet.
But all men are potential rapists. Sure, as you get to know someone, you might find out information that would lead you to decide they probably aren’t a rapist. But, when it comes to any man where you don’t know, there is a 1 in 20 chance they are a rapist. That’s just fact. And a five percent chance is enough to say “potential rapist.”
And it’s really bad that people don’t view men as potential rapists, because they then run out and defend guys because they assume false accusations are more likely than the person being a rapist.
Do I think you’re wrong to treat people badly because of it? Sure. But, as far as anyone who doesn’t know me is concerned, I am a potential rapist. And those who view me as such are generally safer than those who do not.
I do think there is a problem of calling people “creepy” when you clearly are not afraid they are a rapist or anything. (If you were, you’d treat them differently) You just act like being different is wrong, and that’s just prejudice. But that’s different from the women who take proper precautions because people are rapists.
The men in congress are men in power, which means they are more likely to have engaged in sexual misconduct of some sort. So I would be willing to bet that more than 1 in 20 of them have done so. It’s not remotely surprising to think you’d find a ton of bad people there. They are the type of people who seek power: that tends to attract the least savory type of people. (And, yes, some good people who want to save the world, too.)
As long as you don’t see acting a little strange as evidence someone is a rapist, then I’m perfectly fine with people seeing all men as potential rapists. And I change my behavior accordingly. I may know that my intentions are pure, but they can’t read my mind.
It’s sensible to treat anyone who can overpower you as a potential threat if the situation is one in which danger is possible. In a crowded grocery store three guys hanging out and laughing isn’t a threat, but if I’m alone at night and I see those same three dudes ahead of me and no one else around, I’m on my guard. I think 90% of us who have lived in the world would be. Many of us would take further action, like avoiding crossing paths with those three guys if we got a bad vibe.
“Don’t judge people and profile them”, like most rules, has an exception: Personal safety when you lack information. In that case, all you have to go on is your experience and your instincts, and if that discriminates against someone based on their age, race, sex, or religion, then I’m sorry they are butthurt. It’s happened to all of us. Tolerance is something you practice when your lack of information doesn’t put you in danger. Otherwise, embrace your lizard brain, it’s there for a reason.
You do realize that is the same thought process that racism comes from right? You aren’t being consistent in your arguments. A whole lot more than 5% of black men commit felonies but you wouldn’t use the same argument for them.
It is precisely the thought process, or more accurately, instinctive reaction, that causes racism. It also causes survival. The key, as rational humans, is to know when it’s appropriate to rely on it and when it’s not. There are some moralizers out there who say it’s always wrong for a woman to clutch her purse tighter around a shady looking man(who may more often than not be a race different from the woman in question), but if you try to either legislate or use social pressure to end this kind of behavior you’re basically trying to eliminate what makes humans intelligent in the first place: Pattern recognition. If a dude looks like someone who has hurt you before, you’re going to sense danger. You’re SUPPOSED to. But you’re supposed to suppress that in situations like hiring someone for a job, renting an apartment, etc. But in a dark alley you’d better listen to those instincts.
Cute.
This troll has potential. Can we play with him for awhile?
Depends. Does playing with him include checking if he’s the kind that regenerates from anything but fire, or is cat-like behavior not acceptable?
No, definitely not all men.
But also not a tiny, insignificant proportion of men. I think we have a tendency to take a “bad apple” approach to everything–from racists to bad police officers to rapists. It is easier to sleep at night believing that most people are fundamentally good and criminals are always outliers who can be identified by their creepy looks and marginal lifestyles.
Almost every woman I know has had some experience with a creeper. Not all of those creeps turned out to be rapists, but they were definitely creeps. And what’s worse is that almost every woman I know who has been in this situation has told someone about it, and instead of being met with sympathy and assistance, they’ve been belittled, ignored, or accused of being a trouble-maker out to ruin a guy’s life. This happened to me while I was dealing with a workplace harasser. And the thing was, it wasn’t my macho, occasionally misogynistic male coworkers who didn’t take my complaint seriously. They fully understood why I was afraid of the guy and had my back. No, it was the very socially progressive supervisor who treated me like I was just trying to stir up trouble.
If you get that kind of treatment enough times on top of dealing with creepers, then yeah. You start thinking all men are jerks. If my male coworkers hadn’t been so supportive, I would probably think the same thing.
And the average person has one testicle, one ovary, and slightly less than two eyes.
That’s different, because reasons.
Regards,
Shodan
I look at it like this: Back in the hunter gatherer days. The best hunters got their pick of the women.
Today, rich men have a larger pool to chose from.
It may very well be the case that the thing that drove H&G to be better hunters, is the same thing that drives lots of men to be rich.
This is my theory anyway.
Emphasis added. I took “minorities” in the first post WITHIN THE CONTEXT of the whole post. IOW not “minorities” as in racial/ethnic groups, but “minorities” in relation to the two “majorities” DofD had just cited.
DofD said “The vast MAJORITY of men aren’t” etc. “Just like the vast MAJORITY of women don’t lie” etc. Then “It’s the MINORITIES who ruin” etc. Get it?
DUCKofDEATH did not state this well, and it was guaranteed that someone would jump on the word “minorities.”